War Bride
by IfUKnewUCouldNotFail
Summary: 'It is an age-old practice, for better or worse, when war comes and the men are to leave…many women fast become wives, sometimes very prematurely...but all of them clinging to the hope that they will not fast become widows instead…' Tom/Rachel, slower paced and with a focus on the misunderstandings and insecurities bred from such a situation. Very much an introspection based story.
1. The Brightness in the Darkness

**War Bride – Chapter 1 – The Brightness in the Darkness**

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 **A/N:** Have faith.

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 **Disclaimer:** I don't own Last Ship or receive any profits from my works, just for fun. :-)

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Rachel lowered herself onto her lab stool with a heavy sigh, her eyes were weary, her bones were sore, and her mind was a tired muddles mess. She had been valiantly trying to persevere with her all-important work for quite some time now. But she was finally, and belatedly, getting to the point of admitting it was hopeless. No more work would be done this day, she was just too exhausted, had pushed herself well past her ability to be remotely effective in her work…again!

With the decision begrudgingly made, Rachel went about proceeding to shut down the computer in front of her. As the machine was slowly completing the task… _it was well overdue to be updated_ …a photo of her with a man, also her screen saver, took up the entirety of the log-out screen. Only a tiny slow moving progress bar at the very bottom of the screen interrupted her view of the picture displayed prominently before her.

The photo had been taken in a very rare moment of weakness for her, a moment when she had let her true feelings slip through her usual façade of complete control. Generally, Rachel _never_ allowed such weakness to show, never allowed people to have so much power over her as to communicate to them that she held them in such reverence…as was clearly on display in the photograph before her.

Though it wasn't actually the man she had communicated that weakness with, in that particular moment. As the picture showed, he had not even been looking at her, but instead at the camera, a relatively casual and quite satisfied look on his face. Rachel was fairly certain he had never even seen the picture…but others had. And she hated the pity that it caused people to look at her with.

The photo displayed too much, left her too bare…and still she kept it, in the semi-public inanimate space of her computer. She wasn't sure why… She unhelpfully theorized that she desperately wanted to remember, to keep his image as a part of her everyday life, every bit as much as she desperately wanted to forget…to forget the pain seeing his image everyday caused. Though she reminded herself that she did not need the image to feel the pain. That was always there regardless.

As the progress bar continued its slow progress across the screen, Rachel studied the picture before her. In truth she could simply get up and walk away now, but she rarely did. This moment had become a habit for her over many months now.

So instead of moving, she practiced her ritual of studying the image that had long since been committed to memory, as if in stone.

The picture had been taken on a beautiful sunny day. While she wouldn't have ever described either of the two people in the photo as carefree… _it simply wasn't in either of their natures…_ the day had been a brief reprieve in time.

It had been a day when they had both managed to forget all their other concerns and very time consuming commitments, and simply _be together_ , to just make that day about each other…and forget everything else.

She couldn't honestly profess that the day had been perfect, _unfortunately…_ But it was still a very pleasant memory that she held dear…and it had gotten much better after the sun had set.

Rachel still remembered that night with longing…for so many nights since had passed in wretched solitude. It wasn't only the sexual intimacy she missed so, for god knew she had frequently gone extended periods in her life without that! But the emotional intimacy and companionship of sharing quiet moments… _a bed…_ with someone she cared about, and who actually cared about her… _that_ she missed greatly.

It seemed as though she had barely been rediscovered of such a feeling before it had once again been wrenched away from her, and quite frankly, that was because…it had been.

It was this new world that had done it, this broken world heedlessly tearing apart those who belonged together. Broken families… broken dreams… broken hearts…as far as the eye could see.

Rachel felt her gaze draw of its own volition to one characteristic of the long memorized photograph after another. It was like she was both indulging and torturing herself, all at the same time…she just couldn't help it.

She noted again how bright that day had been, a notable comparison to the dark overcast winter day that existed outside her laboratory window, here in St Louis.

Her eyes drew over the infinitely more contented version of herself, a woman who for sometime now, had existed only in pixels. She noted her soft, freshly washed and free flowing hair. Again, she embarrassingly noted the betraying gleam in her exultant eyes and the expanse of sun kissed skin that she had left on display that day, for him...

And then there was the man in question, the man who held her so enthralled. He was taller than her, by almost a head, her gaze in the photograph was lifted significantly upward, so close were they and so closely was she studying his profile in the picture.

Again, she noted how bright the day had been, how bright the photograph that shone off the screen in her otherwise dreary lab. This time it was the attire of the couple that she studied, for it did indeed highlight the luminosity of the day.

They were both wearing brilliant white.

Him, in his perfectly turned out white formal Navy uniform. The most formal option he had available, due to… _circumstances_ …

She couldn't even bring herself to be sad she had ruined his black one, traumatic memories had stained it every bit as much as her blood had.

And her, in a simple, but unmistakably meaningful, perfectly white dress.

In the photograph his emblem's and insignia's had gleamed in the sunlight.

Her countenance had been open and clear for all, save the man himself, to see. His had been more reserved and what had been on display had been largely hidden beneath the visor of his cover. She still knew not what his true thoughts on that day had been.

It was unlikely she ever would.

Rachel stopped herself from studying the minutiae of the photograph and opened her gaze to take in its entirety.

It was a wedding photograph.

It was _her_ wedding photograph.

Her and her husband's.

 _Her husband…_

Rear Admiral Thomas Chandler.

Lost at sea.

Presumed deceased…

A single silent tear tracked its way down her cheek to land with a small splash on the too delicate hand that rested reverently on her burgeoning belly…

 **TBC**

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 **A/N:** Yep. I just did that.


	2. A Proposal Premature

**War Bride - Chapter 2 - A Proposal Premature**

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 **A/N:** Another thank you to my reviewers. Also a shout out to all my guest reviewers who I am unable to respond to personally, thank you all. As with last chapter, and in response to pretty much everyone's concern, I will just say this...have faith. :-)

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Rachel would love to be able claim, and have to hold in her memory, some great and fulfilling romance, but in truth it had been a rushed and almost perfunctory affair…though one where all feasible ceremony had still been adhered to.

In any remotely 'normal' courtship, they would never have married so soon…if they had made it to that stage at all…

But events had proceeded much like many a wartime arrangement prior. Many past men having felt the need, and or _the pressure_ , to officiate things with their sweethearts before they left for war. And many a woman, for many a reason, had readily agreed to such arrangements.

While the high riding emotions in times of war, both past and present, were very real. The practice they brought with them had always reminded Rachel somewhat of a game of musical chairs…when the music stopped, you sat on the nearest one, and that was that.

When war came, whoever you fancied yourself to have some level of feelings, or even just felt responsibility for, at that particular moment…you married.

In the past it was not least because of the pittance, required to live, a woman would receive as both a wife and also then a widow of a soldier of war...at least in theory.

A unpleasant consideration to be brought into the matter at all, but not such a despicable one for a woman of the past to admit to having when one considered the extremely low number of options a woman had in past times, to keep a roof over her head, food in her belly and clothes on her back.

Such hasty marriages had rarely resulted the most suitable of matches, but then again, it had come to matter so infrequently as such a minority of new husbands had ever returned home to their wives…as hers has not.

Obviously income was not at all primary amongst Rachel's personal concerns, but she knew it was not a thing of the past either. If anything, the new world was becoming more like the one of old in that regard. For better or worse, the tide had turned and women were indeed relying on men more once again.

It was Darwinism returning, natural selection having been something that had been all but disappearing in the old developed world… But now the strong were surviving and thriving much better, and the weak much less so... It was no conundrum why many a woman was more strongly drawn to a strong man…especially if she had mouths to feed.

Her personal situation had not been so regular in that regard, but it had not been so peculiar either. It had been far from devoid of 'feelings' but it had also taken place, especially _when_ it did, for some very practical reasons.

Ashamedly their marriage had taken place less than six months after Tom had become a widower, but events had allowed no one, bar none, any proper time and space to grieve. Tom had been an exceptional case, given his position of ever increasing leadership. He, more than anyone else, never seemed to believe he had the right to drop his burden of command for so much as a moment.

At the time it had all gone down, she was only just recovered of her injuries incurred the day they made landfall in St. Louis. And as a couple they had only just started to _very quietly_ acknowledge that they had feelings for one another.

Rachel was infinitely grateful they had even gotten _that_ far.

It allowed her the ability to believe she was more special to Tom than what an entirely perfunctory arrangement would have made her feel.

The place they had been back then could not have even been called _dating_ , more like quietly and cautious exploring…maybe _pre-dating_.

There were looks, _very meaningful looks._

There were words, _very meaningful words._ Though they had still danced around the real ones that she hoped they had _both_ wanted to say to one another.

And then the danger had come again, not that it had ever gone very far…

It was very sudden but it all added up to _he_ had to leave and _she_ had to stay.

They were to be separated.

For a long time.

And there would most certainly be danger.

A factor that Rachel knew had not be irrelevant in Tom's deliberating, though she dearly wished to know _how big_ an impact it had made in his decision, was his father's passing a mere month before the event.

It had been his heart, there had been signs, but there had just been so little she could do to prevent the inevitable. Even in the old world the Doctor's would have said the same. Though it was almost doubtless that a more peaceful existence would have been able to buy the man more time. In the end he had passed in his sleep, three still living and healthy members of his family sleeping comfortably close by.

Rachel considered all that a mercy.

Few of the billions of deaths the last year had wrought could possibly have hoped for such a relatively peaceful end.

Tom had still taken it hard, as had his children. Though all had bore what she had well been able to recognize by that point as the trademark Chandler 'stiff upper lip' in public. Still, Rachel had clearly seen the trauma of the loss for what it was, and in the wake of so many losses before it, it had cut all the deeper.

But most relevantly, their grandfather's passing had left Tom's children without a guardian and protector for the proposed, prolonged and completely unavoidable absence that was being thrust on them all by an unkind world.

Barley had the news come that he was so go back to sea to do his duty, or that she was to stay to do hers, than the notion had seemed to hit Tom with fervour.

And he had acted upon it with alacrity.

He had proposed marriage to her that very night.

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 **TBC**


	3. A Rival Departed

**War Bride - Chapter 3 - A Rival Departed**

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 **A/N:** This chapter is not for Kelly lovers! (I make this note in case any exist...) Once again thank you for all for your wonderful support. :-)

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Kelly had been long gone, and Ava with her. Her assistance, limited though it had always been, was a non-possibility. She had followed the smaller fish she had snared after failing miserably to catch the much larger one she had originally set her sights on.

Rachel did miss Ava, her dear deceased friend's daughter. She missed the little girl's Mother a whole lot less. But then she and Kelly had never really got on to start with. It was pretty unsurprising that the apocalypse had made things worse between them rather than better. Especially considering by the end of it Kelly had been laying the blame of losing, not one, _but two_ men on Rachel…

Personally, Rachel thought the woman was just a bit of a nut.

Rachel knew she would always feel some level of guilt over bringing Quincy on in her mission to save the world and his subsequent death protecting that mission, but it truth it was not a whole lot more guilt than she felt for the any number of people she had failed to save from a virus she had made it her duty to defeat.

Tom's _first wife_ was high amongst that number…

Kelly had come to St. Louis with Tom's family when he had sent for them, despite not _actually_ being specifically invited to do so…

But even in her condition back then, in those early weeks of her recovery, Rachel had clearly seen the other woman's jealousy over the time Tom had preferred to spend with her in her recovery, or with his children and father.

Rachel had not been witness to the other woman's more specific come on's to Tom, though she had been sure they existed. It was Tom who had eventually and sheepishly admitted that the other woman had gone on to make her position and desires _increasingly_ clear, and despite Tom's discouragement of such advances, she had not ceased. The final straw had apparently been when Tom had woken to find the other woman in his bed!

Rachel would have given money to see that! Tom had been extremely and deliberately light on details when he had made the confession…and very red faced. Of course, this was long before she and Tom had even been 'a little bit' together, so his confession to her had been unnecessary, but it had been very cute…and filled her with her first special type of hope for the two of them.

Because as small and hesitant as 'they' were as a silently proposed couple, it had still been _her_ that he had felt the strong urge to 'confess' his supposed wrong doing too. To make sure she knew he had not betrayed...not betrayed _her…them._

Or rather, the still silent promise of _them._

The man was nothing if not loyal.

Nothing if not a man of his word.

It seems he would even steadfastly keep a promise he had not even yet made.

She had certainly known she would never have to worry about infidelity…it was evident that he would rather die than dishonor a woman or a promise so.

She had mainly found the bed incident humorous, though Tom had gone to lengths to _not_ provide specifics…merely assurances, that very fact spoke volumes to Rachel, and his red face and clear embarrassment conveyed the rest. Rachel had _highly_ suspected that very few clothes had been involved in the incident…for him or Kelly.

Though Rachel had to admit that she did harbor some hard feelings for the other woman over the incident. Both for failing to respect Tom's wishes in his mourning and for showing so little respect for her husband, her friend, who had died saving her life…

Rachel would completely understand if people didn't believe it, but she had genuinely never been jealous of the other woman, despite having harbored strong and growing feelings for Tom herself and clearly seeing the other woman's interest in him, _early_. And she meant _very early_ , like while both Kelly and Tom's spouse's were still alive.

She wasn't proud of herself and her feelings in those earlier days, whilst his first wife still lived. All she could be proud of was that she had not acted back then and even when the time had tentatively come, she had taken her queues from Tom, allowed him to take the lead, tried to remain assured of his comfort in their progress at all times.

The same could _not_ be said for Kelly, who was _supposedly_ in mourning for a spouse herself.

It had been unpalatable, but frankly a non-concern for Rachel. She always felt it would work itself out…and she had had far more pressing concerns to worry about. She had just never seen them together, or more importantly; she hadn't seen Tom falling for her very unsubtle and highly ulteriorly motivated pursuit of him. And if the low chance of the occurrence had happened, Tom wouldn't have been the man she had been falling for.

But he had proved true.

Very true.

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 **TBC**


	4. A Doubt Ridden Acceptance

**War Bride - Chapter 4 - A Doubt Ridden Acceptance**

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 **A/N:** Hey, I just noticed we hit exactly 200 Last Ship stories here on , pretty cool I think... Once again, thanks for all the support. It really is greatly appreciated. :-)

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Tom had very uncharacteristically completely rambled his proposal… _his proposition_. Rushed would be an understatement, both in its timing and in its execution.

He had hastily sighted as many reasons for her compliance as popped into his head...both legitimate, and frankly, _lousy_ …inner monologue be damned.

Hardly a normal feature of the man, but Tom's entire _internal_ countenance had been one of desperation from the very second the news had come…like he had been listening to a clock ticking loudly down to doom, which of course, he basically had been…

They all had been really, but once again, Tom had felt the need to shoulder the largest weight of it, all by himself.

Of course no one who did not well know the man would have seen or have been _allowed to see_ his true feelings…but she had been in his inner circle on both counts. She _knew_ him, could see what he was hiding when he tried…and was one of the people he would increasingly drop his mask for and _not_ try to hide.

Yes. She could see him.

Quite simply fear had been driving him back then. The fear that was a professional hazard to a soldier and commander, the one that was stupid to ignore but that he had much practice in dealing with…generally very successfully…he would never have made his rank otherwise.

And then there had been the almost entirely new personal fear that had just about gutted him. Since the first outbreak of the virus, or rather, _his first knowledge of it_ , obviously he had feared for his family. Since he had found them… _nearly_ all of them, that fear had remained but changed.

The situation had not been ideal but it had been better than many had had, he had been luckier than many had been…and he had acknowledged that. Back then his family had been more, and his children had had support…then they had been fewer and his children had had no one.

Well, they had had _him_ …until the time the news had come. And his reaction was basically as if he had been realized of his absolute worst fear and he had scrambled for the answer to it.

He had scrambled in _her_ direction, with intensity!

And _impatience…_

It was not like she had broached objection to his assault-like proposal…he hadn't given her time to really say anything…not even _yes_ at first _._

She often wondered what she would have done, if back than, at that _extremely early_ state of things, if he had simply got down on one knee and just told her he loved her and wanted to marry her.

 _Actually,_ she knew the answer to that one, if a genuine and unqualified declaration of love had been in the proposal, she would have accepted.

No doubt about it.

It was every _other_ possibility, every other shade of grey between the proposal she had wanted and the proposal she had got, which left her wondering where her line would have been. If there had been a place where she would _not_ have proceeded down her current path…

But if she was honest with herself, that line probably existed awfully close to the darkest grey. She would have let him get away with a lot to have him, even if for the shortest time, even if not the _all of him_ she craved.

For the truth was she had felt the desperation and the fear of those days too. She just hadn't had the added burden of motherless children to push her over the emotional edge.

Again she wished that certain aspects of their regrettable past had _not_ had to make a regrettable reappearance in what she _still_ , perhaps naively, hoped was to be her one and only proposal of marriage.

Any _other_ possibility meant…things she would not contemplate.

She really regretted, and frankly more than slightly _resented_ , that he had felt the need to institute emotional blackmail to acquire her acquiescence to his fervent objective… ** _again._**

It had worked of course…just like last time, but again it was a case of _'be careful what you wish for'_ …

And Rachel still believed the true and full consequences of her agreement had yet to truly realize themselves…

And that was actually a positive hope. Rachel refused to believe that this game had been played to its end yet. There would be more, more time to see what was to come, more time to correct what had come before.

At least she dearly hoped for the last.

As she continued to absent mindedly rub her more than a little rotund belly, she knew there was at least one thing she would never change, having not even met her angel's yet, she could still easily swear to that. She was sure every expectant mother for many a millennia past could easily have attested the same.

Some things were just worth everything…and babies were one of them.

Coincidentally, saving the world was one of them too. So it seemed that both incidences, where her _flawed_ husband, had instituted her least favorite personality trait, it had worked out for the better…with a result that had been worth any price.

But both times there had _been_ a price.

She had suffered then, and she suffered now. But the world had hope for the future, and she had her own personal hope for the future…hope in the form of life.

New life that Tom had unknowingly granted her in his parting gift.

Thing's could have been far worse.

But still she yearned for them to be better.

And it was not so very much to ask, she thought. The man made a habit of defying the odds, as did she... The least he could damn well do was to do it one more time to get his ass back here.

Yes, Rachel still held hope, more than anyone thought was healthy. But she didn't care, they were her friends who loved and cared for her, but this was _her husband_ they were talking about here.

As short as their courtship, as quick as their marriage… as little as she was sure of in some regards, she unquestionably knew at least that much of her husband.

He would defy the odds.

 _He would._

The specific piece of emotional blackmail that the bloody man really could have withheld until he had least given her a genuine moment to contemplate the first part of his proposal had been, unsurprisingly, begging her to take responsibility for his children, in his absence…and beyond…

He had actually specifically referenced that he was _not_ requesting a temporary, _outcome dependent_ , arrangement. He asked that she become his wife, and his children's permanent mother figure from then on out, whether he made it back or not.

That had been something for her to cling too, that he had not thought to get rid of her, or ' _see how things went'_ , upon his return.

He had been offering her _everything_ he had to give _at that moment._

She just wished she knew how much that actually had been.

Obviously, she harbored doubts.

How much of his heart had been on offer? She wasn't sure even he had truly known.

How much of his future had been on offer? Neither of them had known that, but there had been doubt…and now there was a lot more of it.

She knew he had been scared. Terrified even, of leaving his children alone in a terrifying and dangerous new world, and she knew that fear had not been completely absent when he had been 'safely' on land either.

Even if he had not already well known it, her shooting was clear evidence that nowhere and no one was ever truly safe, and Rachel knew the idea that his children had absolutely no real backup after him, had been haunting him since his father's passing…and frankly before it.

Sometimes she remembered their few quieter, gentler, loving moments. His desperation for her hand…and she wondered…hoped…that perhaps he had been just as eager to protect _her_ in his absence, as he was for her to protect his children.

Maybe he had just as eagerly wanted _her_ to have a real home, a real family, and the protection and position of being his wife. Even if the protection and position that was offered to her for simply being who she was, was not small…it still made for a lonelier existence…and Tom had prevented much of that with his hasty actions.

Other times she wondered if he had been so unsure of her feelings for him that he had really doubted she would wait for him, if he went to sea without first offering his, _and garnering her_ , commitment.

It was a never-ending cycle of doubts and contemplations really…for so many fundamental reasons for her current existence remained unanswered, and if her damn husband never got his ship and his ass home, they never would be.

They had married the very next day after the non-conversation that had consisted of little else but Tom's laundry list of reasons for her compliance.

Not exactly a story to bring out for the grandchildren…

Nor was it exactly a conversation or a memory that demonstrated her usually hard headed personality too well, she pleaded shock for the most part.

Shocked that he had asked.

Shocked that he was so desperate for her agreement.

Shocked that that danger had once again been thrust upon them.

Shocked that he had brought _emotional blackmail into a marriage proposal!_

Shocked that they had been left with so little time.

Shocked that he had to leave when they had been getting so close to something really real…and that was it.

Aside from the plea she could not ignore regarding his children, she had been wanting something real to happen between them for months! And then he had offered it. What could be more real than marriage? And it wasn't like she could have asked him to let her think about it…

It had been a case of a _yes_ , right then and there…

Or _no_ , which would more than likely have meant never...

So it had been yes.

Obviously.

At the time it had barely been a decision.

Options so limited and the word _no_ so abhorrent to her.

Though you wouldn't know that by the amount of time she had spent torturing herself about _Every. Single. Detail. Since…_

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 **TBC**


	5. A Marriage Premature

**War Bride - Chapter 5 - A Marriage Premature**

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 **A/N:** Once again, thank you everyone for the support. :-)

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They had married in an _extremely expedited_ but still formal and well-attended ceremony…in a church!

Everyone knew the wedding was advanced, but none seemed to suspect it was anything but very real and the product of real love…it helped her to believe that version herself…at least on the day.

So all had celebrated.

All had congratulated.

All had smiled, at least for a time, all accepting the invitation to briefly forget what loomed…at least for a day.

So she had smiled too, with embarrassing abandon actually. No doubt helping along the all-encompassing perception that she was indeed the glowing joyous bride…at least for a day.

In her own mind, to get through the strange ambivalence of the day, she had decided to pretend the day had been the version of the truth she had genuinely believed _might_ be possible…that it just might actually be all real… _everything._

 _Real_ , just… _expedited..._

And so she was sure that no one, not for a single second, had suspected that the new husband and wife were _so very_ new to knowing each other as any other romantic couple normally would on their wedding day.

It was not that their feelings weren't romantic, not at all… They were just so very new and largely unspoken.

And yet they had found themselves husband and wife, seemingly to _both_ their surprises.

Or such was Rachel's impression of Tom's dumbfounded look the first moment they had found themselves alone since the deed was done. He seemed shocked by his own accomplishment! Despite the intensity he had used to tackle his mission and achieve his goal, in that moment it was like he was shocked that he had won and they had made it to that point.

Surprised he had actually got her to agree!

She just had to hope it was a pleasant surprise…?

One of her strongest memories from that day had been constantly catching Tom staring at _her dress_. And it wasn't like he had just been ogling her either, not only had her dress been relatively modest, but that just hadn't been the look she had seen him studying it with.

It was more like… _fascination_ …fascination with a few yards of white cloth.

Like the concept of her in wedding dress was just testing his brain cells a little too much. Again, despite the fact _he_ had been the one to fervently endeavor to get her into it the thing.

But for better or worse, all of it _had_ been his idea, his mission and he had won it…by basically his deeds alone he had created them husband and wife.

A husband and wife who were to be forcibly pulled apart within hours of their unions…both their public one _and their private one._

And not just that, but on that day she had garnered a new family too. Her new husband brought with him two children, she of course had well knew this as it had been a big part of what had made her accept his proposal.

He had pleaded with her to be Mother to his children and for the man she loved she could do no less than agree… _displeasure at his methods not withstanding…_ she just wished he could have asked her to agree to _more._

But even then, she had not been silly enough to believe all the sudden changes were going to go smoothly. For in a mere day her new stepchildren had been bereft of a father again, having only just gained a stepmother…and only months after losing their real mother…

Yeah, _awkward_ was an understatement for that one.

It had proved to be a massive understatement!

Rachel had wondered at the time what Tom had said to them, wondered what he could possibly have said to explain what must have seemed like a very strange and sudden situation. On top of what would have been the very unpleasant disclosure that he was for another long haul mission…when they had only just really started to believe he was home to stay.

The children had seemed ok on the day. They had been friendly with her, if quiet, pretty much as they always had been, their barriers never really having been broken at that point.

They had been as though nothing had changed and they weren't attending their father's second wedding. In hindsight their lack of visible reaction should have been her first clue.

At the time she thought she remembered thinking that they must have just been as shell shocked as her by the speed of events. But slowing down was basically the only action that was not open to them. Some things just couldn't be controlled, as much as one might have _loved_ too.

So she had married her prince…and then he had left her…

For at best, a very long time.

For at worst, _forever…_

But not before he had visited upon her, the attentions that would forever change all of their lives…

* * *

 **TBC**

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 **A/N:** I think people might like the next chapter. Can you say _wedding night_...? ;-)


	6. A Day and a Night of Firsts

**War Bride - Chapter 6 - A Day and Night of Firsts**

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 **A/N:** As promised. Once again, thank you to my wonderful reviewers. :-)

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And there _had been_ a wedding night…she had very tangible proof of that doing somersaults under her sweater.

She had wondered…well, _agonized_...beforehand over what would happen.

She really had wondered… _and doubted_ …if anything _at all_ would happen.

So unspoken was what was real, and so formal had been their spoken agreement and reasons for getting to that point. She had really questioned what would happen when their guests took their leave of their informal reception and they had gone upstairs _together_.

She knew what she had _wanted_ to happen. She had wanted _real_ and therefore she wanted _something_ to happen. But she had also known that she would never have pushed the issue.

She may have become newly invested as his wife that day, but she had not forgotten he had only recently and tragically been deprived of his old and much beloved one.

That night, as with much of their miniscule prior courtship, she had had every intention of taking Tom's lead and pretending that it was normal and fine…whatever ' _it_ ' was.

She needn't have worried though.

After the door had clicked closed and they had been finally completely alone, there had been moments of stark silence and _looks_. Looks that were _heavily reminiscent_ of those few glorious moments in the hallway of another hotel across town several months prior…

But after several heavy moments bathing in the heat of _each other's_ gazes…he had pounced on her.

He had pounced on her as if he were dying of thirst and she was an oasis in the desert. After a moment of pure shock she had responded with equal and even greater passion.

They had feasted on each other's mouths, gasps and moans filling the silence…mainly coming from her! Their hands had not been idle either.

The floodgates opened, both of them had immediately started taking liberties that had been nonexistent in their cautiously romantic interactions of a mere day prior…

The only perceptible verbal communication that had passed between them for some time was his single question.

"Is this ok?" He had breathily questioned between delicious melding of mouths.

She had withdrawn, met his eyes, smiled shyly and nodded…and that had been all he had needed apparently.

Those three little words had been her only indication that he too had had his doubts about what she wanted from their marriage…what she would be ok with. Despite the fact they had been man and wife on their wedding night…he too was unsure if their union, at least _immediately_ , was to become an intimate one. His question proved he had not considered their intimacy as obligatory, or even expected…but he had proved it was very much desired.

A desire she had met with equal vigor.

Thankfully, that night, even with few spoken words, a form of communication that neither generally seemed skilled at when it came to each other, they had most decidedly been on exactly the same page.

Whatever it meant for the future they both had wanted _real_ that night.

Their marriage was most _unquestionably_ consummated.

It was their first time together… though unfortunately also their last…

Hell, that night they had shared only their third ever kiss…though the number had been hundreds by morning.

Tom had left no small patch of her skin uncaressed by is large hands, and unkissed by his exquisite mouth.

Heat shot through her and straight to her core as she remembered how he had deliciously taken his sweet time in the endeavor. It was like he had been carefully committing her to memory…every single moment with her…every single part of her.

And perhaps he had been.

After that night it wasn't like she doubted his _sexual desire_ for her.

Though she easily realized that the type of man he was meant, without a shadow of a doubt, that it had been _quite_ a long time for him. It had been just as long… _or longer_ …for her. Still… _he was a man._

Conversely to her ability to believe that _love_ had driven any of his actions, she had long ago managed to easily convince herself, from the sensual memories of that night alone, that she did at least hold his abundant sexual desire…specifically _for her._

And, of course, even before she was his wife she had had no reason to contemplate the notion that he would ever be unfaithful to her.

So her becoming his intimate partner, his _only_ intimate partner…it was understandable that he drank his fill and kept the cup of memories in his mind running over too, to be taken out in the long absence that had been to come…

For she swore, Thomas Chandler was the type of man to view even _infidelity of the mind_ as still a real form of infidelity. She knew because she was almost certain that the man believed he had committed that sin in those early days… _with her._

It unfortunately didn't automatically mean love had been the reason for his unquestionable fervor… _sometimes_ she thought it did, that it _must_. He had been _so intensely_ devoted to her for those long, but too short, hours.

Rachel swore that he had worshipped her in that bed as if she had been his very own goddess…or her body anyway…

He had been _so passionate_ …

So _loving in that passion_ …

She would hope…

Then she would remember the infinitely large list of women, past and present, who had believed the same. Who had believed that a man's passion, could _ever_ mean a man's love… _very mistakenly._

Heat still rose and a light sheen of sweat appeared when she remember that single night with her only husband. Even six months later, she didn't need to think hard to remember the feel of his lips trailing down every plane of her body.

The memory had not faded at all. If anything it had grown stronger, its recall second nature, so many times had she played the pleasure back to sooth her in her many private moments of pain.

If she closed her eyes, he could almost be here, so real was the recalled sensation of his lips trailing over every inch of her heated flesh.

Yes, they had… _he had_ …very much made up for their almost complete lack of kisses and intimacies beforehand.

Their first actual kiss of course had taken place aboard the Vyerni, and its validity was _highly_ open to debate. She may not be the most experienced in romantic matters but she knew enough to know that subterfuge, and the _literal_ transference of a deadly weapon, _should not_ be the entirety of the reason for a _real_ first kiss.

Their second kiss had been at the end of the ceremony earlier that day, when they had been declared man and wife.

In that regard their acquaintance, engagement and subsequent marriage could be considered quite the most old fashioned of courtships.

 _Absolutely nothing_ 'untoward' had occurred until Tom had made her his bride.

Then he had been gone within a day.

* * *

 **TBC**


	7. Piteous Realities of Home and Family

**War Bride - Chapter 7 - Piteous Realties of Home and Family**

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 **A/N:** Glad everyone enjoyed the wedding night chapter, and now to the morning after. Once again, thank you to everyone, you guys rock! :-D

* * *

Tom's goodbyes to his children, and his _very new_ wife, had been emotionally sorrowful and demonstrably loving, in both public and private. No one observing either would ever have looked upon those scenes and believed Rachel to be anyone else but the wife of his heart.

She knew that.

And yet she still doubted herself, could not avoid it.

Those anonymous observers didn't know what she did.

And they would never suspect what she _didn't._

They didn't know of the great doubt filled void that existed from so many unsaid words. They were probably all naturally assuming the existence of many love filled assurances…rather than the soul destroying _none_ she had received.

That morning had been quiet, the morning after the night before.

The morning after their marriage.

The morning after the _consummation_ of their marriage.

The morning after their first time.

It was all these things.

But Rachel preferred to remember it as the morning after he had _made love_ to her for the first time…because _oh god,_ that was what it had felt like.

It felt _so much_ like love, just like waking up cradled in his strong arms had.

Yes, since they had become man and wife, for that brief time, Tom could have been described as extremely expressive _in his actions_ towards his new bride.

Again, both in public _and in private_ , so she, with much relief at least, knew it had not _only_ been for appearances sake.

But still his breadth of words to her had been minuscule!

Completely non-existent when it came to the subject of ' ** _them'_**! Though she suspected her husband had considered ' _the question of them'_ something of a moot point after they were married…and in any other situation he might have been correct.

They had woken early, naked in each other's arms, and while both their eyes had clearly communicated the desire to 'make the most the situation' they had not had the time or the desire to be that selfish. And as their lust clouded minds seemed to simultaneously defog and realize the exact same thing at the exact same time…their ardor had lessened significantly, as the harsh light of day and the harsh realities it brought with it had dawned upon them both.

The day before, their wedding…had been a time for them to forget what was coming, as much as was possible.

The night before, their wedding night, _a night of loving_ ….as she liked to believe it and remember it, their single night together...it had also been a time out of time that was just for them.

But no such reprieve from time and circumstance had existed that morning.

Their reprieves had been fleeting and surreal but as dawn broke they had ended, and they both knew it.

They had run out of time.

His ship was to sail before midday…and there had been much to do before. Not least of which had been spend some of that precious little time with his children. She knew that and she had not begrudged it for a second.

In fact she had felt guilty at the realization, as she knew she had stolen a significant portion of his children's last few days with their father…something that she doubted was insignificant in the eventual bumpy road she was to travel as new mother to her new family.

She remembered their few family moments, before they all had left for the docks. Of course she had not yet even been moved into the family abode, that it had been voicelessly assumed she would inhabit. The moving of her meagre possessions had been an uncomfortable task that had awaited her the _next day_.

Tom had taken her _'home'_ that morning from the hotel. Two female crewmembers had kindly taken home and stayed with Tom's children the night before, but both were to ship out with Tom that morning, so they have fast taken their leave after she and Tom had arrived _'home'_.

 **Home.** It had been such a foreign concept to her then.

And it was still a somewhat strange one now. For her ' _home_ ' situation could hardly be called in any way normal, even thought it was much improved from its earlier days…

Family. That was another strange concept to her. _Very much_ then, and unfortunately still now.

All her preexisting notions and experiences of the meaning word had been far from ideal to that point. And they had hardly grown by leaps and in her current situation.

Yes, her family situation was still, all these months later, quite _unconventional_ and still somewhat uncertain. Regardless of the great strides made, she was still mother to children who had had her presence thrust upon them. She was still the _questionably_ _real_ wife of an absentee husband. And she was still about to add to the number of her husband's offspring… _significantly_ …without either his knowledge or his presence.

She dearly hoped both those last things could be resolved before the birth, but she held distressing doubts…her time was fast approaching. And there had been no word _in months…_

Most uncomfortably of all, she continued, on a circadian basis, to receive the saddest and most pity filled looks…from **everyone!**

The looks had started immediately upon Tom's departure. Sympathy at being parted from her beloved, no doubt.

They had got considerably worse as news of the James' 'missing' status had spread…and it had spread fast.

They had been damn near intolerable when news of her condition had spread, almost immediately following the first revelation.

And she had basically been in hiding, as much as was possible, since her belly had started to grow, as the looks she was being assaulted with these days made her want to both cry and scream, all at the same time. And with much embarrassment she had to admit there had been times that she had done both…in private, of course.

She knew people were sad for her, to have lost her true love…as they believed.

Too be about to birth his offspring, that he was never to even meet…as they believed.

She was sure she was a pitiful sight to behold if one believed all that…but she refused to...not completely.

She couldn't.

She simply couldn't afford to. At this stage, hope was the only thing keeping her together, and she _had_ to keep it together. She had no other options. Too many people relied on her already and things were about to get a whole lot more… _exciting_ , on that score…

And all these embarrassingly wretched looks she was receiving from every direction was while she still largely held her heartbreaking secret fear, that she was not in fact truly the wife of her husbands heart at all.

Though she wondered if that would make things better or worse in the eyes of her many unrepentant sympathizers.

Worse probably…

* * *

 **TBC**


	8. An Improbable Conception

**War Bride - Chapter 8 - An Improbable Conception**

* * *

Six months ago, immediately after the terrible news had come, Tom had proposed, they had married, and then he had left.

The three events occurring on three consecutive days.

And then five months ago she had discovered, most improbably, that their wedding night was to result in her now _highly_ burgeoning belly.

A honeymoon conception…hmm…it could barely even be called that…there had been no honeymoon, just a single night.

Rachel reasoned that she was very glad now that Tom had proposed to her back then, that they _had_ married and had those mere hours as man and wife…even if she was inevitably to lose him forever only hours later.

The official act would come make all the difference, not only to her, but to her children as well, all of them…Ashley and Sam too.

For Rachel knew that had Tom married her or not, he would have been leaving that day regardless…and Rachel knew she would have been unable to stop herself from going to him that night.

Tom's imminent departure would have been the catalyst that brought them together for the first time, no matter what, of that she was in no doubt.

Yes, she would have gone to him regardless, and she would have given herself to him.

No matter how many times she considered events and how different actions could have changed things, she believed that that was a definite.

She had been holding the dam back for so many months. _They_ both had been. She was sure it would have broken that night. And it might be conceited, but she was also _sure_ that he would have accepted the gift she offered.

As she now knew that that night was always destined to result in her miracles, regardless of the formality of their parent's union, she was infinitely glad that it had been made formal. That had been all Tom's doing, and she was thankful to him for that.

He had been in no way obligated to her. He had never been anything other than a perfect gentleman to her _since her shooting_. And she could accept that there were some _very_ extenuating circumstances that had impacted both their behaviors before it.

It wasn't as though the stigma of being born without your parents being married was so very bad anymore, or being the woman to bear said child. Especially as she knew any who knew the man in question would never have believed that such a scenario had occurred for any other reason than the man in questions 'absence' and thus _inability_ to marry the woman carrying his child...or _children_ rather.

That was going to be a surprise to many. She had kept that a secret. It wasn't like she wasn't happy to being having two babies…she actually really was! Scared, of course…but happy.

Actually, you could have knocked her down with a feather when she found out. It wasn't like her condition hadn't been improbable enough, given her age and the tiny window for conception…the damn man had to go and knock her up with twins!

Not for either the first time, or she knew, the last, she grumbled something under her breath about 'overachieving sperm'.

It was of course true. Her condition was ridiculously improbable given the circumstances that had lead to it. And if it was common knowledge how she had gotten to this point, she was sure that there would be many that would have shared similar sentiments.

That only the always overly accomplishing Admiral Tom Chandler could have married and knocked up his wife with twins in the space of 24 hours!

Rachel snickered at the very accurate thought. She could just imagine that rumor making the rounds and being chuckled over by every tattler in town.

Well out of her hearing of course, _she_ wasn't allowed moments of laughter and humor. No, in her presence there was only to be sympathy and sadness. After all the losses of the last year…people really still didn't understand grief, or especially how to deal with other people mired in it.

And that was just the problem. Everyone else seemed to look at her condition, at best, as some kind of consolation prize…and _at worst_ , a terrible permanent reminder of her loss.

She could barley handle all the 'well meaning' looks and remarks that shadowed her ever day as it was. She could not _contemplate_ the idea of them increasing, or even doubling, in their pity…in accordance with the number of her forthcoming offspring.

So she had kept the revelation to herself. If people couldn't just be nothing other than happy for her, which she very much feared they _couldn't be_ , then they could damn well not be told at all.

While Rachel may fervently wish that many things could have happened differently, neither her children of her legal marriage were amongst them.

She already loved her children and her legal and official standing was definitely better for what Tom had done.

She was a highly respected married woman, carrying the child… _or children_...of her husband, a highly respected man. And she was legitimate and legal stepmother to his older children…children who were possessed of no other living relative…yet. She was carrying their blood within her belly, their half siblings…their _legally acknowledgeabl_ e half siblings, thanks to her marriage to their father…

Yes, this was definitely better.

* * *

 **TBC**


	9. An Expected Announcement

**War Bride - Chapter 9 - An Expected Announcement**

* * *

Unfortunately, the riggers and possible dangers of her job, and thus the changes she had needed to institute, had necessitated her making her pregnancy known far earlier than she would have preferred.

She remembered people's reactions, and unfortunately remembered being very hurt by the seemingly unanimous assumption that she was further along that she actually had been.

She had really believed that people thought her marriage to Tom had been a real love match...and it of course had been on her side, though of course prematurely executed, _at minimum…_

But reactions upon her disclosure of her condition seemed, at the time, to prove the contrary, and it upset her greatly back then.

Till this day she still steadfastly didn't want to ruminate on the fact that her extremely poor reaction was remotely effected by either the shock of finding out she was pregnant, the hormonal changed involved…or the first news coming in that Tom's ship had gone dark.

The two events had unfortunately occurred at practically the same time…

At the time she felt like people had actually been waiting for her to 'fess up' to her condition from the moment Tom's ship had left port.

Like the only reason he would have married her to start with is if he had known he had already knocked her up… It was painful, all the more after losing contact with the ship and the fear of _really_ being left alone in what was to come.

"I'm only four weeks pregnant." She had corrected obstinately, obviously unimpressed.

She remembered what she had concluded to be suspicious looks on more than a few faces.

"Yes, I know, evidence that it was just a shot gun wedding would probably make a whole lot more sense to everyone, answer all your unanswered questions. Make everything between Tom and I, which is no body else's _bloody business_ …suddenly makes scenes…well I'm so sorry to disappoint everyone!" Sarcasm had dripped from her every word, quickly followed by irrational anger. "But it's _Not. What. Happened._ Your hero's reputation can remain intact! He didn't touch me until after he married me…and you're all going to have to just keep guessing as to why the hell he did that…we all are!"

Rachel cringed as she remember her outburst…

Even all these months later she still felt vulnerable at what she had revealed in those ill-conceived words, how much she had lain bare. The positive and the negative of the situation was that that outburst had occurred in front of a relatively small group of people and all of them trusted friends.

The good of it was that she did not believe that her outburst or her fears had been shared via the grapevine…or was it scuttlebutt? But the bad of that was that those people that had been in that room that day were the people she, for a time at least, had deemed the guiltiest of spearing her with the most traumatically sorrowful expressions every damn time she saw them.

And seriously, the President of United States had been amongst the party to witness her mini meltdown…

 _Utterly. Cringe-Worthy_.

Though in his case she had the small comfort of having seen him at far worse a place. Not that she would ever think of using such information in any way, either as his doctor or as his friend, but still…it put things in perspective…

It had been a huge mistake of course, both her outburst and the fears she had admitted…whether they true or not. But what could she say? As much as she hated to admit it, her condition had indeed made her face the emotional realities and responsibilities of her situation like a sledgehammer.

She had been absolutely terrified for Tom…and that had somehow translated into being terrified of, _and defensive of_ , not only the idea that she was never going to see him again, but that he had never wanted her to start with, and worse…that he wouldn't want _their_ baby.

* * *

 **TBC**


	10. An Unwelcome Announcement

**War Bride - Chapter 10 - An Unwelcome Announcement**

* * *

 **A/N:** 10 days, 10 updates! :-D

* * *

Rachel still shuddered at the memory of telling Sam and Ashley about the baby.

… _at that point they had still be working in singular instead of plural terms._

Alas, it had not gone fantastically, and part of that had been her _dear husband's_ fault. Of course, both her and the children's emotions had been riding high with the unpleasant news that they didn't know where the Nathan James was.

A reality it had been futile to try and keep from them. As was the news of her pregnancy, once she had been forced to publically share it.

Quite frankly the timing had sucked.

But even in her worry for the man she had felt the strong desire to give him a swift kick!

She has since been assured that this occasional strong desire was an entirely normal result of possessing a husband…even an absent one, possibly even _especially_ an absent one.

Apparently when hastily explaining to his children that he was planning on marrying her…the next day, which happened to be the day before his deployment, he had laid the 'doing his duty' and 'what was right' idea on _a little thick._

To the point where, Ashley particularly, old enough to know the basics of where babies came from and yet not near old enough to understand how the complexities of adult relationships worked, had got the idea into her head that her father _couldn't possibly_ be the father of _her_ baby…as she wasn't a _real_ wife like her Mother had been.

Yep, she had wanted to kick him, followed by a demand for exactly what stupid thing he had told the girl before hightailing it out to sea.

She could well imagine how bad it had been. The man just wasn't possessed of good _personal_ communication skills…especially when under stress.

Obviously the entire incident had made it abundantly clear that there had been some underlying issues and confusions that had most definitely needed to be cleared up post haste.

Rachel could even admit that her own quiet insecurities of the true questionable nature of her relationship with Tom could also have influenced the children's confusion.

Kids were a lot smarter than many realised and she wouldn't be surprised if they had picked up on her own fear that she wasn't, and for some reason couldn't be, a 'real' wife to their father…and ran with it.

Thought she was still convince that Tom had put his foot in it too.

At the time Rachel had been giving her new stepchildren time. She had spent a fair amount of time with them before her marriage to their father, though never in any remotely official or parental capacity, nor as an officially introduced romantic interest of their father.

Something that was very regrettable in hindsight, since in the space of mere days they had been thrust into the situation of their actual father being replaced with a stepmother…and practically no time between the two realities for any adjustment to occur.

It was clear that even though very little explaining had had time to occur, she clearly should not have left the entirety of it to Tom, being that _she_ was the one that was going to have to be the one to deal with the fallout of it. Something else that was clear in hindsight.

Anyway, in the end much talking and explaining had had to occur. Ashley was the main one she had had to convince. Sam being younger, was more adjustable, less understanding of the problem and far more inclined to simply follow his older sister's lead in the matter.

So it had been Ashley she had to convince and bring over onto 'her side'. Rachel hated that there even was the idea of 'sides', but their father's absence made it impossible for him to play the needed part and say the necessary things to smooth it over. He would remain an unknown entity in the matter until he could be produced to make his thoughts and wishes on the matter known.

So Rachel had been left with the unenviable task of embarking on many an 'in depth' conversation on the topic...so in-depth that they could basically consider that **'the talk'** had been more than handled.

Indeed these apparently necessary conversations had including telling the twelve year old very plainly that her father had indeed been the one, and the only one for a _very long time_ , to do with her the actions that husbands and wife's did together to make babies.

That he was her baby's father, unequivocally…just as much as he was her and her brother's father…this baby had been made the Exact. Same. Way. …only with her.

She felt insensitive for having to be so blunt about it, but she felt the strong need that these children accept her baby… _their sibling_ … _again, believed to be singular at the time_.

That urgent desire had only grown as time had gone on with no word, and the _possibility_ that their father may never return, had to be faced.

And of course it had doubled when she found out she was carrying twins! She had already held the fears that every pregnant woman, and indeed every person in this new world has to face…the reality the their days are numbered.

But there was no doubt that her multiple pregnancy, at her age, increased her risk.

It actually gave her her first real hint at Tom's turbulent emotion's all those months ago, because she found herself in a very similar situation. If something went wrong, and it very well could, she risked leaving **four** children motherless, and possibly fathers too!

But, those children would have _each other_ …and she had clung to that idea.

They were blood.

She had felt duty bound as a Mother and Stepmother to make sure her children, _all of them_ , would stay together no matter what. That they would love, accept, and protect each other if the worst should happen and both she and Tom were unable to survive long enough to see them reach maturity.

And to a large degree it had worked, though the original disclosure of her condition had marked one of the darkest points in her and the children's relationship of the last six months, in its wake, had been their lightest moments.

A lightness that continued to this day. Their relationship was slowly was surely evolving. It hadn't occurred overnight, but it was occurring slowly each day. It had been the most turbulent and uncongenial of starts…but slowly they were becoming a family.

It was true what they said, things were always darkest before the dawn.

She hoped the same could be said of this terrible time, this time of fear and longing…she hoped it could soon be replaced with light. Not only in the form of her two little angel's…but in the return of their father as well.

* * *

 **TBC**


	11. Preparations & Positive Transformations

**War Bride - Chapter 11 - Preparations and Positive Transformations**

* * *

 **2 months later:**

Rachel was a month away from her 'technical' due date, but she didn't damn well feel like it, she had felt like a beached whale for a month already...she couldn't believe there was a possibility that it could all go on for another month!

Though it was a small possibility, twins came early, almost without fail. It was so common in fact that she was pretty much 'in the zone' already. Her accomplishment of making it to the to the 32 week mark had been hailed with celebration as a veritable miracle by her midwife.

She was most definitely at the _truly_ uncomfortable, and frankly _painful_ , part in her pregnancy. The point where so many soon to be mothers just wanted the whole pregnancy part of things to be the hell over with, in some ways fervently desired the same…but she also didn't.

Rachel knew that the birth of her babies would very distinctly mark the large span of time that had passed since Tom had married, impregnated and then left her.

It was one thing for the mission to go long, a lot longer than the proposed maximum of four months, it was another for contact to be lost for so very long…

Though it was true that it wasn't like the old world, contact over lost distances was an increasingly difficult thing in this new world.

Yes, that was the terrible truth. There was _still_ no word. Nothing, and assumptions were heavily on the side of believing that there never would be now.

All the clues, minimal though they were, pointed to dire events occurring. She had always been able to construct reasonable answers for them…but for some reason she knew the birth of her babies would force her to turn a corner she did not wish to even glance at.

For these babies to have been conceived mere hours before he left her, and for him **_not_** to return before their birth…she was very afraid that that would make her realize something she resolutely wanted to ignore…as did his children.

For many months now Tom and the ship had simply been 'out of contact'. But a time would have to come when that changed…and she would likely have to be the one to change it, specifically in the minds of his children. A problematic notion considering she was just as deeply mired in denial as they were.

Though some changes, and indeed changes for the positive, had occurred in the last two months.

For one, she had started letting people in more and allowing them to help her. The subject of Tom and his assumed death was an absolute taboo and all knew it, but the subject of her children, if spoken about with joy, was allowed.

And there were many who she included now in her inner circle, who were happy to play by those rules.

The change had unsurprisingly happened when Sam had let slip, several weeks prior, that she was having twins.

Rachel reminisced that, strangely, the greatest amount of progress had occurred when she had started to show. It was like the babies, their new brothers or sisters, had suddenly become real to the older children. They had apparently needed to see evidence of their existence with their own two eyes.

Of course it could have been that news that she was having twins too, that revelation had occurred at a similar time and of course she had shared it with Ashley and Sam, thought keeping it as their 'special little secret' initially.

An idea that the two had been more than eager to go along with. She suspected that they liked the idea of surprising their father with the news…which had given her ambivalent feelings over her desire to hide it in the first place.

Frankly Rachel was shocked the secret had lased as long as it had. She of course didn't begrudged that Sam had spilled the beans, it was only expected to have happened eventually. And it actually happened in quite positive manner. He and his sister had again been good-naturedly fighting over names…and genders.

Their favorite argument for months now.

But this particular debate had been in the hearing of very curious ears…and she had been overwhelmed by more congratulations, and offers of assistance, than she could count before the day had ended.

Yes, positive's had come from the day and frankly she was fine with Sam and Ashley paly fighting on the subject. She thought it showed they were well and truly interested in their siblings.

She thought it was hilarious that not long after that tiny forgivable blunder, they, feeling suitably abashed, had decided to compromise and agree that she was having a boy _and a girl_ …one for each of them.

She didn't have the heart to tell them that it didn't quite work like that.

Though she couldn't contradict them either, she did not know the sexes of her babies.

It was silly of her, _especially as a doctor_ , and it had taken her midwife physically hiding the ultrasound screen from her at the times such details would have been plainly obvious…again, _for a doctor_ , but she had managed it. She genuinely didn't know what she was having…much to the chagrin of both Sam and Ashley.

It seemed ridiculous now, but she had been thinking, hoping, _hopelessly wishing_ that she could save _something_ for Tom when he got home. Something that he could be the first, or amongst the first, to know…but as time went on her decision was just seeming silly and inconvenient.

Not that it mattered that much from a preparations point of you. She was far too enlightened, _and busy_ , to be trying to color match her children with their genders…but Sam and Ashley were definitely stymied by her decision.

Of course when she had explained, many, many months ago that perhaps that was something their father might like to find out first, neither had argued with her, nor had they since….but they sure had with each other!

She was infinitely grateful that her relationship with the children had improved so much. These last months of her pregnancy would have been _unbearable_ if she had been fighting a constant battle on the home front too.

Frankly, you could even say they were _bonded_ now, that they would feel deprived if removed from each other…and it was easy to identify what they had bonded over.

Tom, of course, but the babies too.

The expanding of her circle of friends who were 'in the loop' and her resolution to try and accept help and other well wishes as they were meant had improved both her and the children's circumstance in the last weeks. They were getting more help, both actions and emotional support, all for the better of her soon to be enlarged family.

She had already been feeling like the eventual disclosure was something of a necessity, as preparation… Her closest friends, _and Tom's closest friends_ , they were the people that would be left with one hell of an unenviably responsibility should the worst happen...

But thankfully that terrible possibility did _not_ seem terribly likely. All signs were good, strangely good for the circumstances. Complications were common with multiple pregnancies, especially with woman of her age, and it wasn't like she could claim a stress free life! But so far she had been spared from any of the remotely serious ones that had been feared.

She longed that it remain so, and for more than just selfish reasons.

After both the aforementioned event's, news of the multitude and the physical evidence of her pregnancy, the children had become excited very quickly.

It was like they jointly experienced the revelation, that while so much of their lives had been mired in loss of recent times, including the constant unspoken fear for their father's live…this was _new_ live.

They were _getting_ new members of their family, instead of losing them for once…

The realization had made all the difference and now picking the kids up from afternoon care, and going home to make dinner together was a pleasure for Rachel.

The children still went to afternoon care after school, and 'play dates' when Rachel needed to work on the weekends were common things.

Unfortunately, not her pregnancy, news that she was having twins, or her status has stepmother, gave her the luxury of working only within the tiny allotment of time school hours would allow her.

Her work was far too important for that, and it would remain so. Rachel just always did her best to be as present as possible at the times when she and the children were together and so far it seemed to be working.

The interim had not been without incident but for the most part the children seemed to understand that she was a very different person from their mother, with different and important responsibilities…just like their Dad.

At that mention, Sam had shared that he was happy that she could do the important work she did and still come home and tuck them in every night…her heart had melted.

If anything she had kept an even more grueling schedule in her final months of pregnancy. She was very aware that, at least some time completely off, and than reduced hours, would be a necessity after the birth.

Now things were as ready as she could possibly make them. She was still working, had always intended to right until the end, baring any unforeseen complications, of course.

Sitting at home, going insane from boredom, and wasting time that could be spent _after the birth_ actually spending time with her babies, had just not made any sense at all to Rachel.

There was a full nursery set up at home and a basinet, change table and comfortable chair for nursing set up in the corner of the non-lab portion of her office at work. She figured bringing her baby to work would be a necessity before too long, breast feeding had ceased being much of an 'option' in the new world, even though, as a doctor, it would always have been her preference by far.

At first she had considered hiring a nanny, but it soon became clear that she had no shortage of willing babysitters…it didn't even seem that people were put off by the double nature of things.

These were the same people who had provided her, in an _extremely unexpected_ baby shower, with everything she could possibly need her for her babies. She had barely had to source a thing for herself.

Which she was very appreciative of given her workload. She knew some new mothers would have much preferred to be more personally involved in such arrangements and acquisitions and make everything 'just so', but she was far more practical that that and she could spend her precious time much better.

These people were her friends, her good friends, her much needed support network. Some of them were from the James. People who had not rejoined it for various reasons, and others were new but now trusted friends she had met since arriving in St. Louis.

More than a few of those were family members of crewmembers, both those who had stayed… _and those who had gone._

She obviously had points in parallel with her newer friends who were also suffering the unknown fate of the James. She felt bad, but it was still something she preferred not to discuss, even with them. Her hope could simply not take the airing of the reality…and she knew it would be unkind to push too much of her hope onto anyone else in her position.

Recently, she had even caught some of her friends, organizing, _or rather fighting over_ , their proposed babysitting roster.

It had been funny, and she had no desire to fight them on it. There were so many of them that she didn't feel that she would be putting too much of a burden on anyone individually.

In fact the task should be relatively small, and even pleasurable, if shared. And they clearly wanted to help, and it was help she could easily admit she needed…so why on earth fight it?

Not for the first time she wished that she was to have the luxury of sharing the caring of these babies with their father…

She deliberately redirected her thoughts, they served no purpose, she still had time… _he still had time…to damn well get here._

To move heaven and earth and, Damn. Well. Get. His. Ass. HOME!

She still refused to _really_ consider alternatives that would make him unable to do any such thing.

* * *

 **TBC**


	12. Expected Early Arrivals

**War Bride - Chapter 12 - Expected Early Arrivals**

* * *

 **1 Day Later:**

Yep, 'in the zone' had been right.

She was in labor.

And Tom wasn't here.

Before too long … _if everything went_ _ **well**_ …she would be a mother of **four!**

And Tom, in all likelihood, Would. Still Not. Be. Here.

She wasn't freaking out or anything.

And she wasn't in an absolute massive amount of unbelievable pain or anything.

 _Yeah…_ No, both of those were **really big** lies.

Her midwife again told her something she already knew, and again she barley stifled the urge to screech bloody murder in response to the woman's unhelpful words and utterly grating voice.

She had resisted and largely kept her composure so far. Well, she was composed for a laboring woman…she had seen a good few.

But that composure was dwindling, slipping through her fingers like the finest sand actually. She could barely even remember why she had made the resolution to try and spare other people her sharp tongue to start with actually…something about 'not actually their fault' and 'don't be a cliché'.

Whatever. Didn't make much sense to her right now.

Oddly, up to a few hours ago she had really liked her midwife and the doctors that were also popping in to check her progress.

… _which by the way, was ridiculously slow!_

But now she couldn't fathom how she had ever found any of them anything other than incredibly annoying! Right now she was quite happily imagining clawing their eyes out every time they dared to speak to her! It was partially their very dissatisfactory words…but their voices had also taken on the same effect as nails on a chalkboard for her.

She was in a specially purposed area of the local hospital. All the equipment and professionals, _that one could find in a broken world_ , were here, not far away. But the large basic hospital room that Rachel was in was quite uncluttered by medical equipment, it even had some personal touches scattered around.

Well, her midwifes personal touches anyway, both the bed and the couch had some colorful blankets thrown over them. They were a nice touch and like she said, she had liked the woman up until the pain had started to become _unbearable_ …maybe there was a connection.

Her only personal touch had, most impractically, _and frankly naïvely_ , been her laptop! She had somehow pictured lots of time to fill where she might as well try and be productive and stave off boredom.

 _Yeah…_ that had worked well! She was neither bored not had a chance in hell of being productive…other than bringing new life into the world…so there was still that…

The children had been here earlier, they had wanted to be, and she had wanted them to be too. She wanted them to feel a deep connection with this event and their soon to be siblings.

But labor made for one long day, _and night_ , and they had been getting very tired…and at the same time she had fast been losing her ability to keep things 'child friendly' So none, including Ashley and Sam, had protested much when someone offered to take them home to get some sleep.

They hadn't been particularly happy at the prospect of 'missing the action', but they brightened when it was suggested that after a good nights sleep they would be brought straight back, most likely to meet their new brothers and/or sisters.

Rachel had nearly cried had the thought, because for all the world she had longed for the ability to do the _exact same thing_! To just skip all this and come back and meet her babies in the morning.

Oh, wouldn't it be wonderful!

What kind of naïve masochist was she to have wanted a natural childbirth anyway?

Both her and her doctors were all relatively surprised that things were still proceeding well down the natural route. That there hadn't been any reason to take things in the far less natural, and far more surgical direction. She had been well warned that it was a very real possibility…which she had of course already known.

Her midwife wasn't surprised however. She had always believed these babies could be born this way, and that the option of a C-Section was simply one that was good to have, in the case of an _actual_ emergency.

She was assured that every bone in her body feeling like it was breaking simultaneously when a contraction hit, was _not_ an actual emergency.

Like she said, since her pain level had really hit its crescendo, the woman had stopped saying stuff that made much sense.

And as her pain level had risen so had her misery level. She was desperately trying to focus on her babies, on meeting them and seeing their faces for the first time. But every time she did, someone else's face would push into her mind, it was understandable…

He was their father.

It wasn't like she wasn't prepared for this, as much as one could be. In _most_ ways, she was.

But right now she was busy receiving the absolute worst revelation at absolutely the _worst possible time._

She realized that all this time, she had been preparing the _best-case scenario_ , and now it was very much looking like she was about to have to come face to face with her _worst case scenario_ at exactly the most difficult time…when she was a new mother to twins.

One of the many prospects she had ignored, as its possibility was far to painful a thought, had been who would be with her right now. She had her midwife, Dana, who prior to a few hours ago had been a good friend and comfort to her. But she had never allowed anyone, including Dana, to make any headway in broaching the topic of, in her words 'an emergency backup support person'.

At the time Rachel had just told the woman that she would be there and the she was enough, but that was only because she had long grown well and truly fed up of the pitiful looks she would receive when she actually voiced that she still held hope that Tom would return...and in time for this.

But he hadn't and from the pain it would certainly seem that the deed must be **_near_** to done… ** _it had to be_** …so changes to that circumstance were pretty unlikely to occur in the next _very short_ while.

Again she cursed herself, because even as she thought that there couldn't be any hope now, she still spared the door its thousands longing look since she had been brought in there.

She was pathetic!

What kind of adult, what kind of **_mother_** , dealt with harsh realities so very badly that she stayed mired in denial for _months_? And still when the harsh truth finally occurs, still she looked to the door! Sure that all would simply turn on its head and suddenly be well at the very last moment.

Because that happens all the time! _Not…_

"Ok Rachel, it's time. The time you've been waiting for. This time, when the contraction hits, you can push." Dana thought she was sharing the gladdest of news, as impatient as Rachel had been to get to this point. But the woman was not on the inside of her churning emotions, and to Rachel, the pronouncement that her babies were about to arrive filled her with sudden inexplicable dread!

She wasn't ready!

And Tom wasn't here…

Oh, but that was it. **_Tom wasn't here!_**

 ** _Still!_**

 _Surely_ he could get here, _surely_ if he still had life in his body he could find a way to move heaven and earth and _get here_ and _be here_ for this, for _his children_ … _for her…_

 _…_ _if he still had life in his body…_

 _…_ _no…_

"No!"

"Rachel?" Dana's questioning eyes met her when she opened hers, now unable to stop the flood of tears that had been trying to escape for hours.

"I can't do this! I can't do this without him… _please_ … _please no_ …" She pleaded past a multitude of heavy sobs, tears now drenching her face. Both the physical and the emotional dam having released their load on Rachel in the space of moments.

Rachel knew she had admitted more with those words that she had in her entire acquaintance with the other woman. And yet it was clear the other woman was not remotely surprised at Rachel's emotional state or her sudden and complete departure from common sense.

"Oh, honey…you know that…" The other woman tried to sooth, but Rachel cut her off.

"No! No! I don't want to hear it! And I don't want to do this! I'm not ready!" Still moisture was dripping heavily from her eyes…and other less lady-like areas of her face. She was distraught, in previously unimagined pain and she could really give a shit what she looked like or how ridiculous she was acting right now. She just really couldn't.

 _She couldn't…_

She continued to weep, quieter now…until her contractions started again and she screamed out her agony and powerlessness.

"Ok, Rachel I know this is terrible, everything about it is terrible for you right now, but the one thing that can be made better very quickly is if you do this! The pain can end and you can meet your babies. That is something we can make happen right now! So please push, Rachel! Please push! Come on, honey, let's do this, let's bring these children into the world."

Rachel's heart felt like it was breaking along with her bones, and mostly she just existed in a fog of both physical and emotional anguish, but somewhere in the deepest recesses of Rachel's buried rational mind, Dana's words made some tangible sense…

And then there was the fact that she had had the strong urge to push on every contraction for the last ten hours anyway…so that was what she did.

She pushed with all her might. The pain was overwhelming, he vocal cords felt raw and she realized that she had not stopped her mournful howls during the entire process. And by the end of it…she realized… _felt_ …piteously, that her efforts had _still_ not produced the desire result.

Dana confirmed her self-assessment as she continued to sob. "Ok, Rachel, that was very very good. I think we are just going to need a few more big pushes like that, even bigger if you can manage it, to get this first baby to make an appearance."

 _..._ _ **few**_ _more…_

 _…_ _ **first**_ _baby…_

 _Bloody hell!_

Again, she couldn't keep her gaze from travelling to the close door of the room. She was so weak! And in her weakness she just wanted to be saved from this hell! Her husband's arrival now…and _survival_ …might not cure her physical pain, but Rachel was sure she wouldn't even feel it in her joyous relieve at the removal of almost all her emotional pain.

In the end it had been more than just _a few_ subsequent contractions and long arduous pushes, but before _too long_ , her first little angel made her squalling appearance, fiercely protesting her sudden strange change of circumstances.

Yes, she was a girl.

Her daughter…her very own daughter.

For Rachel was sure the only time ever, the little baby's squalling acted like a painkiller…the pain of her birth nearly forgotten in her joy at meeting her first-born child.

Rachel held her daughter to her in delight, some of the tears she was still shedding were actually ones of joy now. Dana helped her with her gown, encouraging immediate skin on skin contact with her newborn daughter, and if at all possible, immediate feeding too.

The other woman, though trying to appear relaxed, also seemed to be hurrying the venture as well. Rachel soon realized why, she was likely existing in a very small window of reprieve before it all started all over again.

Somehow that prospect didn't seem nearly as scary as she looked into her daughters perfect blue eyes. The tiny little miracle in her arms, very commendably, nearly instantly found her nipple and begin to lick and then take small sucks.

Her daughter was tiny to be sure, but clearly strong and had been ready to be born. There were no signs to the contrary, actually the success of this immediate breastfeeding endeavor proved quite the opposite. It was an extremely encouraging sign. Her daughter's instincts were right on the ball for what should be her priorities right now.

She wondered if she would now get a son too, or another beautiful daughter. If they were identical twins she knew she would already have her answer, but they were not. The question of one or two placentas had been a medically relevant question much earlier, also one difficult for a trained eye like hers to not pick up on an ultrasound. So she had long since been aware that her children were not identical.

Rachel continued to stare in wonder at her daughter's eyes. Those were Tom's eyes she was staring at and it brought more warm tears to the fore, ones of both joy and sadness. It had been eight long months since she had seen those eyes…and he had left them with her… _inside her_ …all along.

The doctor in her knew it was likely the beautiful color would change, but the wife and mother in her was sure it wouldn't.

Rachel became even more convinced of her assertion a little over two hours later when her _second daughter_ was born. Not identical of course…not at all.

Still unnamed baby girl number one looked for all the world like she was going to take after her father and her brother in all aspects of her coloring.

But baby girl number two… Rachel was now staring adoringly down at her own little mini me. She was suckling contentedly at her other breast. The tiny but perfect in every way baby's lightly olive skinned body splayed upon her still large belly, her tiny little angel's large brown eyes open wide and staring up at her in seeming wonder.

* * *

 **TBC**

* * *

 **A/N:** Yep, I know, I just did that too... ;-)


	13. Introductions,Disappointments&Decisions

**War Bride – Chapter 13 - Introductions, Disappointments and Decisions.**

* * *

 **A/N:** Thank you for the wonderful feedback everyone. I wasn't surprised that people were a little shocked with my decision to proceed like this after the last chapter, but I promise you all this, _ **I do** _ have a plan! :-D

* * *

The children arrived back, bursting through the door, their exuberant excitement clear. Though before too long at all it dawned on Rachel that it had not only been their new siblings that they had been hoping to meet upon their arrival. The poor dear's had been nursing the same hope that she had. That their father would somehow miraculously return for the birth of his new children…

Rachel's never far away tears of the last hours returned once more at their crestfallen expressions at not seeing the man they had been yearning to see upon their arrival.

Rachel deliberately wiped her tears, plastered a large smile on her face and motioned the older children over.

"Come on over here, luv's…there are two little girls that have been waiting to meet you…" There was no point drawing out the reveal, for she knew it was not the ideal one, or the one that would have been the more peaceful result for the pair. It was potentially problematic actually…from Sam's perspective at least.

She knew that the little boy was very aware 'he was outnumbered' at present. Something his sister had been 'kind' enough to tease him about ad nauseam…kids will be kids, she guessed...she didn't have to like it.

But it meant she knew that Sam was particularly sensitive on the matter…especially in his father's increasingly foreboding absence. In many ways two new boys would have been much better, she and Ashley would still have had each other… But of course as a new mother she could not think of changing a single thing about her little miracles…but it didn't mean she would just ignore Sam's sensitivities on the subject.

Yes, there now, _currently here and present_ , family of five, now consisted of four 'girls'… Not an ideal result for Sam.

She had tried to prepare for this eventuality, she had asked Sam and Ashley to prepare and list of name options for _both_ boys and girls and she told them that she would choose a name from each of those lists…she wanted the older children's involvement but she also wanted to have options, so she had encouraged very long lists!

"Two girls?! _Really?!"_ Yeah, well of course Ashley was excited, she had 'won' their long-standing favorite argument. Even in the wake of their agreement that she would have one of each she had continued to tease her brother about another possibility…namely _this_ possibility. The older girl was a little more aware that their agreement had not meant very much.

"Oh… do you still want us _both_ to name them." Sam asked hesitantly, not verbally sharing his disappointment, though it was clear to see. She sighed.

"Of course, luv! That was why I asked you both to come up with a list of boys and girls names."

"But which of us names which baby?" Ashley asked.

"Well that doesn't matter much, which one would you guys like to name?" She had her own ideas on the subject, as one girl was a ringer for her brother's coloring and the other for her older sisters. But baring bloodshed, she would let these two work it out for themselves.

It went on to work itself out very quickly when Ashley gasped when baby number two opened her eyes and seemed to pin her stare right on Ashley.

"She's looking at me! She's looking at me! Like right at me! And she had eyes like me!" The older girl squealed.

Rachel smiled. "Well then I guess you might have worked it out. What do you think, Sam? Baby girl number one was the first one born, very prompt like your Daddy, and she has eyes like yours and his, though I have to warn you they may change…how to you feel about being the one to help name her?"

"Ok." Sam said as he stared down at his assigned little baby sister. She noticed that he too started when the little girl in question also opened her eyes and again seemed to pin her sibling with her matching bright blue orbs.

"Me first! Me first!" Ashley said thrusting her list at Rachel.

Rachel took the list, happy at the older girl's enthusiasm…it was exactly what she had been hoping for.

She studied the list and her smile did drop slightly.

"Yeah…ummm….Ashley, I'm going to have to insist we strike off a few of these just to start with. Pretty much everything from vampire movies actually…like this one." Strike. "And this one." Strike. "Oh, and especially these two." Strike. Strike.

The girl was not happy about the lines going through some of her favorite choices, but then she rallied, and smiled, seemingly and brilliant plan forming in her mind. "What about **_this_** one?" She asked confidently, pointing to a name right at the top of her list.

"Hmm…" Rachel considered as she looked at the name. "I suppose that one isn't so bad…"

"Yes!" The girl cried in triumph.

"Hold your horses, not so bad does not mean yes, Ash."

"Oh, please! Please, Rachel!" The girl pleading in a very exaggerated and deliberately manipulative fashion. Rachel knew what she was doing but relented anyway.

"Ok." She sighed in defeat. The name actually wasn't so bad at all. Quite _beautiful_ actually. It was just the names recent history which was a bit on the nose…hopefully by the time her daughter was old enough to care how she had gotten her name, the recent significance of it would have faded into ancient history, along with the rest of pre red flu pop culture.

"What about you, Sam?"

He handed her his list.

She read it.

"Honey, these are all little boy names…" And they were _really_ boy names, she couldn't even see a unisex name on the list that might work. With sorrow, Rachel noted his fathers name right at the top of the list. She wasn't sure exactly what to make of that. Of course it wasn't relevant now, but she didn't think she would have actually chosen that name. It just didn't seem right somehow. Surely if Tom had wanted a son of his to bear his name it would have been his _first_ born son…surely? But yeah, not relevant now, and she was slightly thankful for that.

Sam remained quiet staring at his new sisters. He just motioned for her to turn the page over.

She did.

Oh…

This was his 'list' of girl's names…and it was short, very short.

It was actually only one name.

Rachel was thankful to have been involved enough in the 'family' in the earlier days of Tom and her getting to know each other better, to be able to recognize the significance of the name. It was his grandmother's name, Jed's late wife…

Tom's mother's name.

Again she had the same thought she had had over the use of Tom's name. What would the man himself think of it? It seemed so personal giving her daughter his mother's name when she already had her doubts over having these children without his knowledge to start with…but then Rachel reminded herself of the awakening reality that it was far more likely to never become an issue…and surely he wouldn't mind this anyway?

After a long thoughtful silence Rachel smiled down at her stepson. "It's perfect, Luv."

"Really?" He asked with very badly hidden hope.

"Absolutely." She assured. Thrilled with her decision to not question his choice now that the boy was revealing how much he had actually invested in the name.

"So they both have names now? What about middle names?" Ashley asked.

Rachel screwed her face up slightly and shook her head. "Never been a big fan of middle names, and these little guys are already going to have double surnames, so I think its enough."

Ashley seemed to consider her words, clearly not quite getting her reasoning, but in the end nodding her acceptance of Rachel's statement.

It was understandable, Rachel thought. Not for either the first or the last time, the children were noting the differences between her and their mother, and the way her and the very different woman had naturally gone about things in very different ways.

Of course Ashley and her brother _did_ have middle names and they _didn't_ have double surnames…one way was not necessarily better than the other, but the other way had been the other woman's way and this way was hers. It seemed as though Ashley understood that even if she was less certain of the particular reasons for the differences.

"So you like the names?" Ashley asked, hopeful for an affirmative answer, despite having bullied Rachel into agreeing to her choice.

Rachel considered. "Yes, I think I rather do. They kind of work, too. One translates to beautiful and the other means princess, though in different languages…"

"Really?" Ashley asked, clearly liking the idea. "Which means which?" She queried excitedly.

Rachel smiled at the girl's abject happiness in this moment. It was exactly what she had been hoping for and exactly what was letting her ignore darker feelings that were pressing into her at a certain man's absence from this conversation and this decision.

She glanced at Sam, he was still held spellbound by his tiny little lookalike and while not exactly looking displeased with the situation, he had been very quiet for the whole interaction and a very long way from his sister's infectious enthusiasm.

Rachel wondered what was more to blame for the boy's reserve. Her failure to give him a brother, or his father's failure to return in time for the event?

Probably both…

Rachel redirected her attention to his sister and smiled as brightly as she could muster at the girl.

"Bella means beautiful, its origin is Latin, and Sarah means princess in Hebrew."

Ashley smiled at the explanation, seemingly even more pleased of her choice and her brother's. She took the opportunity to formally welcome her newly named sisters.

"Hello, Bella Scott-Chandler and Sarah Scott-Chandler. I'm your big sister, and I'm going to be the _best one ever!"_

* * *

 **TBC**


	14. The Dawning of Harsh Realities

**War Bride - Chapter 14 – The Dawning of Harsh Realities**

* * *

The babies had been home for a month now, and it had been both a very long and a very short month.

On one hand Rachel couldn't believe how her little ones had already grown so much and so quickly…on the other, it had been a _long month…_

One marked with the anxiety and massive learning curves that only twin little devils could provide to an exhausted and fearful first time mother.

She had help, of course. She was not completely alone. But her natural independence had not just disappeared when she became a Mother either, so she frequently opted to _not_ accept the more prolonged and comprehensive offers of help…not at this stage.

Not while she was still ninety percent _not_ working… _she could never actually give it up one hundred percent…_ But her involvement at present was almost completely limited to some light correspondence. Amazing for her!

Frankly, even that she struggled with as she was pretty sure that her tiny little human beings were zapping about ninety nine percent of both her mental and physical energy reserves by the end of each day.

Days which, incidentally, never seemed to _actually end._ No sooner did she ever lay her head down to sleep when at least one of her little darlings was almost instantly awake again, seemingly in protest of her most selfish action.

Something would have to give soon. She had to go back to work very soon, had already taken longer off than she had optimistically anticipated. Her work was just to important to give her the alternative that some mothers might heavily consider at this stage… And if there was anything that the last month had taught her it was that Motherhood, especially motherhood of four, that included newborn twins, _was not_ a part time gig.

The truth was she had no shortage of offers of help, including of the more regular and inclusive variety that would allow her to leave her children for longer periods and return to work…at least part-time.

She would have to start making arrangements to take people up on those offers. She could start with finding out who had been managing that perspective babysitter schedule way back when.

She knew this was something she should have started thinking about earlier. And she could blame many things. Her wish for solitude to allow her new family to bond, her natural independence, her exhaustion, her wish to keep her little miracles all to herself, and her little family…even when they were driving all of them insane. Then there was the ache that formed in her chest at the thought of really being separated from them…of potentially missing irreplaceable moments of their young lives.

But the main reason was she that was scared, scared of thrusting herself around yet another corner that she had not wanted to travel…not without Tom.

Every milestone she was forced to travel without him felt like a nail in the coffin of hope, the smallest thread of which she still could not help was cling too.

She had already found out she was pregnant, gone through that entire pregnancy… _and delivery_ …without him. Now she had traveled her babies first month and a half of life in a blur of exhaustion, first at the hospital and then after she had brought them home.

She didn't want to add that seemingly final turned corner of going back to work to that list. It felt like accepting the reality of single motherhood…formally making arrangements for just that.

Of course if Tom was here he would have to work too, even away from home sometimes, but she couldn't help the feeling that things could still be greatly different, **much better** , if he was here and a part of all this…

Rachel chastised herself internally, she was so weak in her continued hope. What was more, and completely unsurprising given her own continued denial, was that she had not even attempted to make inroads in the older children's continued hope. She just couldn't bring herself to have the conversation with them…didn't even want to think the thoughts let alone way the words.

Though Rachel had begun to suspect that they were starting to get there by themselves. There were quieter on the subject now, whereas not long ago they had been loud in their denial, continually talking about _'when'_ their Dad came home.

Now that she thought about it, they hadn't used any future tense when referring to their father in good long while…

The thought was a piteous one, but for both the good and the bad, Rachel did think that the unfortunate truth was beginning to dawn and be accepted by them naturally.

And if that was true it meant that his children were coping with this in a more mentally healthy fashion that _she_ was.

Yep…pathetic.

* * *

 **TBC**

* * *

 **A/N:** Stay strong, it's not over yet…actually very soon _certain things_ will only just be beginning…very soon. ;-)


	15. Unexpected Returns

**War Bride - Chapter 15 – Unexpected Returns**

* * *

 **A/N:** I actually have to put a few warnings in this chapter, for a bit of medically related blood and gore and also a bit of swearing…but nothing too bad. :-)

* * *

Rachel cursed doubly upon waking, a ridiculously loud and persistent knocking coming from downstairs, had in turn caused both of her two month old baby daughters to let loose screams of displeasure at their rude awakening too…she could relate to the feeling. If someone wasn't dying on the other side of that door…then this could most definitely be considered rude.

When the exhaustion of her sleep clouded mind started to clear some she remembered that aside from being a new mother, she was also a Doctor! And someone dying could very well be the reason for such a loud and tireless knocking at her door, at such an early hour.

At the very least it would seem to indicate an emergency, some big news…

Big news!

That thought brought her out of the rest of her fog damn quick! She was already out of bed and pulling on sweatpants. She spared her crying daughters a glance but knew she could do nothing to calm then quickly enough so with a guilt-ridden sigh she sped from the room. She passed Sam and Ashley coming out of their rooms, having of course been woken by the racket downstairs as well.

"What's going on?" Ashley asked sleepily.

"I'm not sure. You two stay up here…check on your sisters, try and calm them." She couldn't ignore the possibility of danger in this less than stable world, as much as she hoped for the exact opposite awaiting her. So the last thing she wanted was the older children following her downstairs.

After barely pausing in her interaction with the older children, she continued down the stairs at a near run.

The knocking continued as she arrived at the door, though now she hesitated. She was alone and unarmed with four children in the house…she couldn't just open the door if there was a possibility that danger existed on the other side.

"Who is it?" She called out loudly, she had to to have a chance of being heard above the still dogged knocking.

The knocking immediately stopped.

Silence.

 _Please be him...please be him…please be him…_

More silence.

Wait…was that a sob?

To hell with it, Rachel thought, picking up Sam's baseball bat the 'coincidently' just happened to live in the umbrella rack by the door, she held it up and yanked open the door.

The sight she was met with was nowhere near the one she was hoping for and pretty much the last one she had been expecting.

In her shock at the sight that existed on her front porch, she almost missed the sight and sound of a car speeding away from in front of her house just as she had opened the door.

But on the deck in front of her now, was not the one person she had hoped, but thought she would never see again. It was two people actually, but nonetheless ones she had also thought she would never see again.

It was _Kelly._

And _Ava._

And they were covered in _blood._

"Oh my God!" Rachel dropped the bat and immediately ran to their side.

"Please help her! Please help her, Aunty Rachel!" It was Ava that made the impassioned plea, reverting to the old honorary title that in more recent years her mother had 'discouraged' her from using. Tears were steaming down the distraught girls face.

That brought Rachel's attention to Kelly, the woman was conscious but on closer inspection did not seem at all coherent. She also did seem to be the source of the massive amount of blood covering the two…and her front porch.

 _It was too much blood…_

 ** _Far_** too much.

Breaking herself out of her unproductive thoughts, Rachel snapped into action.

"Ok, Ava, help me get your mother inside, quickly now…and careful."

Rachel didn't love the idea of moving the woman but she was feeling far too exposed and uncertain about the potential danger of the situation out here.

The two managed the task, far more from Rachel's strength that the petite girl's. The door was closed again behind them. They only made it to the living room before she set the woman down, glancing at the top of the stairs she was unsurprised to find two sets of shocked eyes staring down at her.

Strangely, from the lack of high-pitched noise coming from her and her babies bedroom, it seemed the two older children _had_ actually managed to calm the babies. She suspected that the contraband pacifier's must have been brought out for the emergency…only explanation actually.

"Sam, fetch my medical bag! Ashley, are the girls ok?" Sam ran to do her bidding, seemingly excited over the first time he had ever had to do this in 'real life'. They had briefly run this drill before and everyone knew where her medical equipment was kept if an emergency meant that Dr. Scott was needed, instead of the usual woman they saw on a day to day basis...just Rachel.

Though Rachel was already doing some mental inventory of her lowly stocked bag, comparing that to her first impressions of the woman before hers condition and coming up… _very concerned._

"They're ok now, I gave them the…" The girls voice trailed off, clearly remembering Rachel's lack of fondness for the devices she was about to admit to using.

Rachel just waved her off, she had already figured out what she had done. It was fine, best move under the circumstance's actually.

"It's fine, you did good, now I need you to call the emergency number on the fridge and tell them we have a woman with a penetrating wound to her torso…and to get here, ** _fast_**."

They had regular local telecommunications abilities back up and mostly working. Longer distance communications got more and more problematic the further the distance you were trying to reach was.

They also had some semblance of an emergency services force, though again, this was not the old world and the system was reduced from what such a force would once have been.

The girl ran to obey just as Sam appeared with her bag. She immediately directed him to bring her towels too. He ran off.

Rachel had been trying to hold back Kelly's blood the whole time she had been barking out her necessary orders, now she turned to the barely conscious woman's daughter, who was still sobbing by her mothers side.

"Ava, can you tell me what happened?" She asked urgently. Frustratingly, her fingers were proving no barring at all for the free flowing blood.

"He did this! He did this to her!" Ava bawled.

"Who? And what did he do?" She asked as she hurriedly applied the towels that Sam had very promptly delivered and forcefully pushed them into what she was now realising was ** _several_** deep open wounds covering her upper chest.

 ** _Shit!_**

Rachel could only assume that being moved and so unceremoniously dumped on her front porch had aggravated her wounds, because if she had been bleeding like this the whole time, she never would have made it here alive, regardless of where and when this had happened!

Ava was still balling her eyes out, but between sobs she did answer Rachel's questions. "They were fighting…they are always fighting…I didn't see…I try to hide when they fight…but I could hear them…and suddenly Mum screamed…and I ran out…she had fallen on a broken fence…it was metal and the spikes were…there was so much blood, Aunty Rachel…I…I…" The girl broke off, her sobs now uncontrollable.

"It's ok, I understand." Rachel retuned her attention to the large jagged wounds covering the other woman's upper torso. It was amazing that her heart had not been pierced but it obviously hadn't or she would have died instantly.

Though that did not necessarily make the situation better unfortunately…

Kelly had clearly been moved after the fall, removing the objects that has impaled her…a very unfortunate choice. Though Rachel knew not one they had _necessarily_ had another option to. Not if no help had been available there and if there had been no way to bring them together. The object, a fence, could likely have been too large to move with her…and they might not have known that would have been the preference at all.

Didn't change the situation though, Rachel very much feared there was going to be little she could do, as right now she was literally doing barely anything. There really was so little she could do right now, blood loss was _by far_ their biggest problem right now and at the speed it flowed whenever she dared lessen the strength of her compressions…she couldn't risk releasing them to try and get to the source…unfortunately it was likely that there were more than one…perhaps a lot more.

 _She was a doctor and she was just about fucking helpless right now!_

It was hell but she just preyed that the paramedics would arrive soon and Kelly could be brought to a hospital where there would hopefully be her blood! She really needed blood!

Rachel's med kit was ridiculously and unfortunately light for this specific extreme eventuality…though nothing really short of a fully outfitted trauma room would really have sufficed or offered real hope. She dearly wished for at least transfusion equipment, though she wasn't sure whose blood she could give the woman or could even remember if she had ever known the other woman's blood type…

But it was irrelevant, she just had to hope for the paramedics, hope for blood at the hospital and keep the compressions tight…though her arms were already aching from the effort of the last.

She felt so helpless. She was a doctor and she was no more use than a lay person right now…she was just waiting for the professional's to arrive...pathetic!

Oh, why had they come here? The hospital was ten minutes away by car, Kelly would have know that, Ava too! Why had they stopped here?! The choice could very well have cost her the chance she had to survive this!

The admittedly small chance...

The wounds were _so bad_ …

The blood loss so much…

"Ava, why did you not go straight to the hospital?" She tried not to sound accusatory; though she knew her tone was still one that must sound quite desperate.

Anger was visible in the young woman's gaze. "He wouldn't take her there! I begged, but he wouldn't! He said the police would get him there and he refused! So I asked that he take us here instead…" She admitted, clearly feeling guilty at her decision.

"Ava, you did nothing wrong here…"

Rachel tried for a gentle comforting tone but internally she swore blue murder at the faceless coward of a man. The boyfriend, no doubt. She didn't know exactly what happened, how deliberate or accidental the 'incident' had been…but that pathetic excuse for a man was clearly running away from his involvement in it…hence the speedy departure form the house.

 _Pathetic_ _prick._

On one hand, it could be said that he had clearly made some attempts to save her…pathetic as they were, but on the other, his failure to take her to the one place she needed to go could very well provide the exact same result as abject negligence would have.

Rachel continued to press the towels tighter to the still seeping wound. She realized that tears were actually leaking from her eyes at this point…and she also realized that her stepchildren, now lacking for tasks to occupy them in the sudden trauma that this night had turned into, were just staring helpless, with the most distressing looks on their young faces…

It was clear to Rachel that they were looking at Kelly and Ava and remembering a relatively recent time when they had held and wept over their own mother like this.

"Sam, Ashley, can you please go and check on the girls. I know they are quiet now but it would mean a lot to me if you could stay with them and make sure they stay that way…please?" She asked in her most beseeching voice.

She genuinely wanted someone to check on the twins, but she also really didn't want her older children to see what she very much feared was about to happen.

With one hand, Rachel again examined Kelly's vitals, she got her penlight and examined her pupils, she examined her wounds as much as she dared. Again, she tried to get Kelly to speak to her, to respond at all. By the end of it, none of these examinations had provided her with any hope that the situation wasn't exactly as grave as she had feared.

Rachel barely resisted the urge to swear as they futilely waiting for the paramedics. Precious time and bodily fluids literally flowing through her finger. Instead she asked Ava one of the foremost questions that had been on her mind since their sudden arrival.

"Ava, what were you even doing near St. Louis? I thought you had gone West? But you must have been near when this happened, your mother could not have gotten far like this."

Ava sobbed, her gaze not leaving her now unresponsive mother. "We did, but we didn't get far, only a few towns. Dan found an empty place he liked and said we were going to take it...stay there, so we did…I hated it, so did she…but she wouldn't leave, leave him, even when I begged her to." Ava was just as angry as she was distraught and Rachel realized her questioning had probably been poorly timed…though the silence and helplessness of the current circumstance were just about killing her.

She couldn't believe she was rendered so helpless for lack of a few pieces of equipment and a few pints of blood.

It prompted the philosophical question. Was a doctor, stripped bare of all their modern tools and conveniences, still a doctor? How could a doctor sit and do barely anything in the face of imminent death?

Poor Ava, the girl had been through so much and Rachel deeply feared that her situation would be even worse by morning…

She heard commotion outside.

 _Finally!_

Maybe… _just maybe_ …there was hope!

Maybe Ava would not lose both her parent's! Because regardless of any past bad blood between her and Kelly, all that was irrelevant now…the other woman's survival was her unequivocal and fervent wish for this night.

* * *

 **TBC**

* * *

 **A/N:** Interested to hear what people's thoughts are on this direction...and yes, there is very much a plan still in play here and I confess that I am a little bit in love with it... ;-)


	16. A Rival Departed?

**War Bride - Chapter 16 – A Rival…Departed?**

* * *

 **A/N:** You can blame tea-inducuced scribbles' mega update for my lateness in posting this chapter. I got distracted, but it was a good distraction and one that I highly recommend! :-D

* * *

 **Warnings:** Bit more swearing, bit more blood…

* * *

The medical team burst through the door, after Ava had unlocked it on her order…before running straight back to her Mother's side the next instant.

The team took up their positions around the gravely injured woman. Rachel briefly registered a noticeable degree of shock on all their faces upon viewing the scene they were now trying to tend to, though Rachel wasn't sure why. Ashley would have told them that there was a woman with significant injuries…. Ah!

Maybe she had _not_ told them _who_ that was… and this was _her_ house, _she_ was the only grown woman that lived here…she knew these people, if not _terribly well_ … _something that was_ _her fault_ …

They had thought it was _her_ that had been hurt… _again_ …

They had been worried for _her_ …

Her theory was confirmed when one of them took a moment to question her and assure that both she and the children were all uninjured. She quickly assured the woman of just that before launching into her urgent briefing.

Though she faltered as she did so when her eyes landed on the clock and she registered with shock that less than ten minutes had passed since the very first knock on her door.

Damn…they had gotten their fast! Amazing for their current service capabilities.

Despite her earlier philosophical quandary, the doctor in her did indeed take over as the team began their work. She relayed all pertinent information…and she didn't miss the doubting looks that were shared when she relayed the full extent of what she believed was Kelly's condition to be.

"Look, I know _, ok!?"_ She did not want them to verbally share their doubts in front of Ava. "The only chance she has is if we can get her into surgery and on a blood transfusion ASAP, so let's go!" That lit a fire under them and everyone worked to try and get Kelly as stable as was possible to be able to be moved.

They had her hooked her up to a portable monitor that was loudly broadcasting her current condition. That condition wasn't great but just when they were, _as gently as possible_ , moving her onto the gurney…it changed drastically.

"Damn!"

"Oh, God!"

"Where's that coming from?"

"It must be a new bleed!"

" _Another one?!"_

"Hell! It's a big one too!"

"Her pressure is critical."

"We're losing her!"

"Mummy!"

"There's no heartbeat!"

"Prepare for defib!"

"Clear!"

"Mummy! Please!"

"Again!"

"Mummy! Please don't leave me! Please!"

"Nothing…"

"No…Mummy…no…"

"…"

"I'm calling it…"

" **No!** "

It happened so fast. What Rachel knew had been so small a hope to start with, had been squashed completely in mere moments. They didn't get her to the hospital, they didn't get her so much as a foot closer to it…

Kelly had died right there on her living room floor.

She had failed.

Ava was beside herself, pleading with her Mum to wake up. With dread Rachel glanced at the top of the staircase and saw exactly what she had feared…two sets of distraught eyes staring down on the scene below them.

Damn. She had not wanted them to see this. Not that they could possibly have been ignorant of what had happened, even form her room. Ava's pleas of disappear were mournful and loud…and made what had transpired utterly evident.

One of the doctors that Rachel knew fairly well had commented that he was shocked that Kelly had still been alive when they arrived from the amount of blood they had needed to step over to get to her…it was had been just _too much_ …and help, _proper help_ , had just not gotten to her soon enough.

Rachel knew all that. But it didn't stop the guilt, or the anger.

She couldn't even remember the random boyfriends face but she hated the pathetic excuse for a man in that moment, regardless of how Kelly's injury had happened, an incident she _severely doubted_ he was blameless in…he sure as hell had killed her when he had dumped her on her doorstep instead of manning up to his actions enough to take her to a damn hospital!

What happened next happened in a blur for all of them, for all the people who had known Kelly…because they were all in shock, even Rachel herself. Now that the end had come the doctor in her no longer needed to exert her overriding authority of the body and mind and it was just an emotionally and physically exhausted Rachel that was left in her wake.

The people who had not known Kelly took over and did what had needed to be done.

Everyone was patient with Ava and her desire to not leave her departed Mother's side but Rachel knew that neither the woman's body or the girl could be allowed to stay in the pool of blood in her living room all night.

She coxed the distraught girl to cling to her instead, eventually she did, and she clung with all her might, tears streaming down her face…anguished screams escaping her at intervals, as if every minute or so the terrible truth would cruelly reinsert itself to torture the girl anew.

Bone weary, and feeling like she was just about to collapse herself, she wordlessly encouraged the distraught girl to follow her to the couch, after some prompting she did and clung to her side like a tearful limpet. Rachel glanced up the stairs again. She was met with the sight she expected, two sets of tearful eyes staring down on them.

She felt like a terrible Mother. She was sure this was not the first time her attentions were going to necessarily be so unequally divided between her charges, but she hoped that this indicated the worst of it.

She motioned with both her head and her hand for Sam and Ashley to come and join them, it was the only option. Ava may be going through far more this night but there was only one of her and right now it was clear that the other two children needed her as well.

Besides, they were a family now…they will grieve like a family now.

Her older children were down the stairs and attached to her in seconds, like they had barely been holding back the urge to do just that when she had sent her invitation.

She knew none of the children, especially Ava, were unaware when Kelly's body was carefully covered and removed from the house. Ava's cries returned to mournful screams…though they were muffled, from coming from the girls head that was buried tightly against her side…her blood covered side…she would have to deal with that soon. Ava too.

When the med team were finished and were ready to leave they looked at her. From her position at the bottom of a mosh pit of children, she silently communicated her sorrowful thanks and also quietly verbally asked that that the necessary formalities of this incident wait for tomorrow. She asked that they communicated that to the authorities also.

She was sure they too would be interested in the questionable nature of Kelly's 'accident' and subsequent death…but that too would have to wait till morning.

She was beyond useless in her exhaustion right now and she still had five very unsettled children to somehow get through the rest of this night with.

Of course member's of the med team, those she knew better, had offered to stay, offered to help…but again Rachel's independent instinct was to handle this herself…to just deal with it as a family to start with.

* * *

 **TBC**


	17. Aftermath

**War Bride - Chapter 17 – Aftermath**

* * *

They all stayed like that for an immeasurable amount of time. Sam and Ashley were comfortable huddled in the same small space as her and Ava. The two were seemingly both giving and taking comfort after the lighter, but still hard enough hitting, tragedy that had befallen them that night.

Ava had quieted, but her shock and distress were no less present.

Rachel knew they needed to move….needed to get cleaned up, even Sam and Ashley's sleep clothes had probably been contaminated by their grief necessitated cuddling.

She also knew she was on borrowed time before her two little angels upstairs told her that they knew their routine had been well and truly impacted this night…and they were little emotion detectors too. She was surprised they couldn't smell the overwhelming angst of downstairs, even from upstairs!

Rachel was very much afraid that breastfeeding them in, if she was lucky, just over an hour, was going to be a nightmare. They didn't like it when their milk supply was tainted by her stress…and she was feeling very stressed and tainted right now.

She needed to try and get cleaned up and in control again as quickly as possible too, to try and lessen the negative effects that this night would have for the twins, for they would take most of their cues from her…Sam and Ashley too, but mainly _her._

"Ava?" She questioned lightly, judging the little girls ability to respond in her current state.

She stirred, her head retreated slightly form its hiding place, but otherwise she did not respond.

"Ava, I think we all need to get cleaned up…and move away from…" She left he sentence hanging. None of them were unaware of the fact that they were sitting in front of a massive pool of blood…Ava's Mother's blood.

Still no verbal response but when Rachel began to move and gently encouraged _all three_ children to follow her…they did, all wordlessly, all sorrowfully.

They made their way upstairs in silence. Rachel led all of them to the bathroom. None seemed particularly of a mind towards independent action…they just stood like sad little mannequins' actually, especially Ava.

With a sign Rachel left the trio briefly to go and secure towels and grab replacement clothes for all of them. She couldn't prevent herself from sparing a moment to check on the twin's wellbeing when she hurriedly grabbed a new singlet and pair of sweatpants from her own dresser.

With relief she quickly ascertained that they were fine and indeed sleepily enjoying the infrequent luxury of the twin contraband pacifiers that they were rhythmically sucking in their sleep.

With haste Rachel made her way back to the large shared family bathroom with the now large pile of clothes and towels spilling from her arms. She was met with exactly the same scene she had left only moments ago. She uncaringly dumped the pile of cloth in a pile and then went first to Sam and Ashley.

"Guys, how about you two change your clothes and just wash up in the sink as much as you can for now. Ava and I are going to need to get in the shower to clean up."

Their repose was delayed, almost like events were proceeding in slow motion for a time, but then Ashley did nod and even went to help her brother first with the buttons on his pajama top.

The sweet girl…

That left Rachel able to focus fully on Ava for a time. The poor girl was clearly still in shock, would likely remain there for sometime to come…but they had to do this. She couldn't let the girl stay wearing her Mother's death blood a moment longer than necessary.

Rachel began to undress the girl, narrating her actions as she went so as not to startle her. But she remained wordlessly compliant, even obeyed when Rachel asked her to step into the tub when her soiled clothes were removed and she had got the shower to the right temperature.

The girls hair would need to be washed…there was blood in it…quite a bit.

Rachel glanced down at her own free flowing locks.

Make that, _both of them_ would need to wash their hair.

Rachel proceeded with the task of washing the girl from head to toe as quickly but as gently as possible. She did not complain but did little to help in the endeavor either.

Soon the job was done well enough and she indicated the girl to step out of the tub, she did and Rachel swaddled her with the largest thickest bath sheet they owned. She gave her hair a quick towel dry with another and then indicated for her to sit on a stool in the corner and wait for her.

She checked on Sam and Ashley by the vanity. They were mostly changed now and had commenced wetting wash clothes to wash their faces with…demonstrating more independence that they had since the shock of Kelly's death.

Rachel used the opportunity to take a necessary free moment for herself and quickly disrobed of her heavily soiled, previously light colored, clothes and got under the shower herself.

Her cleansing of herself was quick and efficient and for a time the water that twirled in the drain was bright red.

After barely a minute of hurried but successful bathing Rachel stepped out and wrapped herself in a large bath sheet too. Ava had not moved a muscle but Sam and Ashley were looking like they were finishing up.

Rachel considered her options but in the end just hurriedly dried herself and then dressed in a very similar but unsoiled outfit to before…and then she went to attend to Ava.

Again she drew Ava through the perfunctory actions of drying and dressing, just as she had the actions of bathing. Soon she was dressed in what Rachel knew were Ashley's favorite pair of pajamas. Rachel had brought two pairs to the bathroom, but Ashley had chosen what she knew were her least favorite pair to put on herself and left her favorite pair for Ava.

The sweet sweet girl…

After all children were dressed, Rachel quickly ran a comb through both her and Ava's still damp hair and then led all the children from the bathroom.

For a moment Rachel was unsure of her next more. She thought it likely unviable, and probably just plain unwise, to separate or leave the children alone…and yet Sarah and Bella would be demanding her full attention very soon…thus she lead all three children to the master bedroom with her.

Rachel drew down the covers and helped, or rather heavily encouraged in Ava's case, all the children to get into the bed. She followed them, laying down herself, making sure she was on the side, easy access to the twins, with Ava nestled on her other side…she only had so many sides and tonight she needed to prioritize need. But Ashley and Sam seemed fine with the arrangement. The three children huddled together and she drew the covers over them more fully.

She tried to relax her body down into the mattress as much as possible, willing her babies not to be able to tell that she had been through a trauma when they woke to feed very soon. Right now she desperately needed the early morning feeding to go off without a hitch, otherwise she didn't know how she was going to get any sleep at all and thus make it through the next day.

Rachel had _not_ slept when the first sounds could be heard from the corner cribs. She had however gotten thirty or so minutes of forcibly self-mandated relaxation…so she was thankful for that at least…she had to be.

Her eyes snapped open at the first sound, so in tuned was she to her children, but she wasn't the only one apparently.

"What's that?" Ava spoke her first unprompted words since she had slipped into her shock. There was no sleep in the girls voice, she had been silent for the intervening time, but she had not slept or even rested it would seem.

And she, of course, Rachel reminded herself, did not know that she was now a new mother of twins. She had been gone too long…longer even than Tom had been gone.

Well, on to the first revelation of the girl's new circumstance.

" _That_ , Ava, is my two month old baby daughters."

* * *

 **TBC**

* * *

 **A/N: I really enjoyed writing this part. It was sad of course, but just filled with such tender emotion too.**


	18. Introductions and Realizations

**War Bride - Chapter 18 – Introductions and** **Realisations**

* * *

"Their names are Sarah and Bella. They are telling me I need to feed them."

"You have babies, Aunty Rachel?" Her voice was primarily a monotone…but there was a faint glimmer of the positive emotion of pleasant surprise in it, though barely detectable under the think layer of shock and sorrow.

"Yes."

"Is Admiral Chandler's their father too?" Rachel wasn't surprised at the girl's intuition of their relationship…though it was also true that her mere presence in this house could be all the girl needed to form the assumption.

"Yes." She answered simply, though she prayed the girl would not question further…especially questions that involved the man him self's whereabouts.

Thankfully she did not.

Rachel got out of bed and made her way in the low light to her babies. She preferred not to turn on unnecessary lighting for nighttime feeding's…she did not want to send the message that it was time to wake up. Not at all. She preferred if the exercise could be completed as quickly as possible and all in question could go back to sleep relatively quickly.

The twins had been getting pretty cooperative with her in this regard, she would soon see if this night would change that.

To her surprise Ava climbed out with her.

The lack of sound or movement that either the twins waking or their departure caused, made Rachel believe that Sam and Ashley had actually fallen asleep in the intervening time.

 _Small mercies…_

Rachel didn't do this all the time but tonight she was determined that simultaneous feeding was going to work. She got her necessary pillow and props ready next to her comfortable feeding chair, she lowered the sides on both cribs, picked up one whimpering little girl and then the other and immediately sat with them.

This was generally where things got trickier to arrange. But seeing as Ava was up, awake and seemingly curious about the babies and what was about to happen…a distraction might be a very beneficial one for the girl.

"Ava, darling can you pass me that big angled pillow. Yes, that one and could you slip it under them as I lift the girls up a bit please."

The girl did just as she was asked and Rachel quickly got the increasingly loud girls into the correct position, completely removed her lose singlet from her upper body…and bared both her breasts to her hungry daughters mouths.

She sighed with relieve when they both latched on and quieted. Only the sound of soft suckling filling the room for several merciful moments.

So far so good…

He attention returned to Ava, staring at the scene with wide eyes directly in front of her.

Yes, the girl was probably very unused to this sight, being an only child and even her extended family being very small…and then of course there was the fact she was British.

Of course Rachel knew that she, _technically_ , was as well, but from her extremely unconventional and highly globetrotting childhood, she frequently didn't feel like it. Whereas by compassion she knew that Ava's upbringing, baring the last year and a half of course, had been very sheltered.

"Does this make you uncomfortable?" She asked the open leading question quietly, trying to judge the girl's current thoughts and feelings…on a few levels.

"No." He voice of soft too. "I know that this is normal and right…it's just strange to see…and it's strange that it's you."

Rachel chuckled very softly, her words very innocent and very true. "Yes, it is strange it's me…was strange _to be me_ for quiet a while…to be a Mum…but I'm getting used to it now...I love it now."

"So they love you too?" Ava asked.

The question was slightly odd to Rachel but she had to remember that the girl was still in shock and her synapses were unlikely firing in any remotely normal fashion right now. She resolved to let Ava lead the conversation wherever she needed it to go to satisfy her.

"Yes, of course, as much as babies of this age are capable of course…I think they love their brother and sister already too."

"And their Dad?" Oops…she's put her foot straight in that one. Although the girl would have to be told sooner or later and at least Ashley and Sam were asleep now.

"Tom, he actually…" Boy, she actually hadn't said this out loud for a long time. She hadn't needed to, everybody knew… _everybody_. "He had to leave on the Nathan James for a very important mission quite awhile ago…and well, he has been gone a long time…and we haven't heard from the ship in…a _very_ long time." She finished sadly and meaningfully.

Ava took a long time absorbing her words. They clearly made her sad… _sadder_ …something she really didn't need tonight.

"So you don't know for sure that he is…?" She let the question hang, seemingly not wanting to say the word anymore than Rachel wanted to hear it.

"No…we don't." Rachel confirmed simply…and woefully.

"I'm sorry, Aunty Rachel." Rachel noted that the young girl, at this stage at least, was apparently going to stick to the old title for her.

She didn't mind and she accepted the girl's condolences.

"Thank you, Ava, and I'm sorry too. Sorry that this happened and so very sorry that I couldn't do more to help…that I couldn't save her for you."

She was quiet for a long time. Rachel noticed that the young girls eyes were firmly fixed on her thankfully hungry and silent offspring.

"It wasn't your fault. You did everything you could. You tried." Once again Rachel was struck with the growth and maturity her longtime friends child had achieved in a relatively short time. Of course, she had had to, had been through so much in this new world. But her words still spoke of a maturity and instinct of independence well beyond her years…in fact the girl's entire aura was eerily familiar and Rachel resolved that she would not allow Ava…or Sam or Ashley for that matter, to suffer the far reaching negative effects that very similar traumas in her childhood had caused for her….not if it was remotely in her power to prevent it.

Yes, she strongly related to all the children and their terrible tribulations, but it was strongest with Ava. The girl and the young Rachel were very similar creatures…more similar than simply the place of their birth would attest.

The rest of the twins feeding passed quickly and successful and with Rachel and Ava in companionable comfortable silence. Rachel didn't know how she had pulled it off. She had been sure that the girls were going to have trouble feeding after everything that had happened, but it was done now so she didn't care how, she was just endlessly thankful!

Again with a little practical assistance from Ava, Rachel re-covered her breasts, burped and then resettled both twins who mercifully seemed to let sleep overtake them again quite quickly.

She motioned for Ava to make her way back to the bed and she followed her, cuddling up to the girl who willingly accepted her embrace.

They were silent like that for many long moments and Rachel thought that, just maybe, they could both get some much needed sleep before dawn. But moments before the words were spoken, Rachel could sense them needing to escape in the heavy air around them…and then they did.

"I don't understand! Why did she insist we come here?! It was too far! We didn't have the time? How did she not know that?!" Ava words were angry and she sobbed near the end, but she did actually seem to be trying to be her voice otherwise quiet for the sake of the other _four_ slumbering bodies in the room.

Rachel sighed, she knew this would not be the last time the young girl would find herself overwhelmed by such thoughts…though they made Rachel think too. "It was your Mother that wanted to be taken to St. Louis? Not you?"

"No, I wanted to go to the local clinic…it's wasn't supposed to be very good…but it's _was_ the closest…But Mum said the city…I assumed she meant the hospital…but then Dan refused to drop us there anyway…and Mum said here was good…here was _better_ ….those were the last words she said…in the car…" She was sobbing unremittingly now…though muffling those sobs in Rachel's side.

She continued. "She could have lived! She could have lived but he wouldn't give her the help she needed! Because he was weak! Weak and selfish!"

The girl was angry. She was also right on the money.

And Rachel could relate… _she could_ _ **really**_ _relate actually._

Another woman…. ** _another Mother_** ….dead because of a man fear, ego and control issues.

And another one leaving behind a young daughter far too prematurely.

Ava would stay with her of course, with them…their ever growing family. There was no question about that. Quincy had been her dear long time friend, and Ava had no one else now.

What was more, it very much seemed to Rachel that Kelly had known and had been facilitating exactly that…even severely jeopardizing her own survival chances for the objective.

She had _asked_ to come here…even with closer options.

And she had been ok with being dropped _here_ here…hadn't begged to be taken to the hospital…just given in and allowed them both to be dropped at her doorstep.

 _Abandoned_ on her doorstep more like…

Kelly had been so far gone by the time she arrived, and yet she had been holding on still… _just_. Rachel didn't believe that the other woman had been accepting of this arrangement because of her medical prowess. She would certainly have known that time and proper facilities were the far more important factors.

No, the other woman had asked, most unwisely for her condition, to be brought to the city so that her daughter would be brought here too…to the only place she still had any ' _family_ '.

That word had taken on new meaning in this new world, families were a whole lot more than just blended these days…But she was that for Ava…Sam and Ashley could be considered so too, even form these short acquaintance. And that is what they would all become now. She swore it.

Yes, Kelly had known that she would take and raise her daughter with no question. And as much as the two women had mutually never liked each other…clearly the other woman had trusted her at least enough to do this.

Rachel could hope that was true and it wasn't simply the result of a spectacular low number of options for perspective guardians for Ava.

No, Ava would definitely stay with them…join their family. And that was that.

At her own mental mention of family Rachel was reminded of Tom and the hope that had teased her when she had first heard the unexpected knocking. When Tom had left, his 'family' had consisted of a very freshly installed stepmother and two children…not counting the absentee husband himself of course.

Then she had gone and made that _four children._

And now Ava made five.

Five children.

Ashley, Ava, Bella, Sarah…and Sam.

Yep, _optimistically_ , this created a family of seven now…in less than a year.

And all of the new additions, including _herself_ , were girls too.

This really wasn't going to help that 'girl' ratio that Sam had been so concerned about…

Not something that was a huge issue at all, let alone given recent events, but not one that would become irrelevant in their later, recovered from this recent disaster, lives either.

But that was a mild concern and one for another day.

Right now…sleep was the absolute necessity for the last two non-slumbering inhabitant's of the room…and thankfully they both managed to slip into it a few hours before dawn.

The younger woman clinging tightly to the older one.

* * *

 **TBC**

* * *

 **A/N:** Thank you to everyone for the support, it means so much. Oh, and just FYI...you guys might not want to miss the next chapter... ;-)


	19. An Alarming Return

**War Bride - Chapter 19 – An Alarming Return**

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 **A/N:** I think you guys may have been waiting for this... ;-P

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Blood.

That was the first thing that met him when he arrived at the house he had not seen or stepped foot in in nearly a year…blood.

The front steps were covered in it…and there was a scarily large chaotic pool of it right in front of the door. He sidestepped it and tried the doorknob…the door came open and his heart sank further.

He wishes he had grabbed his gun in his haste, but he had thought that home was safe...

He entered the hall…the blood trail continuing.

An even larger pool of it stained the living room carpet.

 _What the hell had happened here!?_

He realized he had given nobody the opportunity of filling him in…if they had even known…he had simply ran the moment the ship had made port just after dawn.

 _Ran to his family._

Were they here? Could they still be here?

With what he was seeing, did he even want that?

With mounting anxiety he quickly cleared the rest of the lower level and then made his way up the stairs with dread at what might await him.

He went to Ashley's room…empty, but the bed was slept in and looked like it had been left as if in a hurry.

He checked Sam's room. Same. Empty. Bed unmade. Though he knew his younger son was much more apt to just leave his bed like that than his much more tidy sister was.

He trudged onwards down the hallway. He checked the bathroom when he came to it…

No…

 _More_ blood…

Bloody _clothes…_

 _No…_

He pressed on.

The soldier in him may have taken control the moment he had first seen the blood on his front steps, but the man in him…the father… _the husband_ …in him simply couldn't grasp the possibility that he could possibly have managed to come this far, _finally make it back here_ …to them… _to her_ …only to find what was being more than just hinted at by his blood covered house.

Yes, he felt like a husband, he might have had but twenty-four hours of being married and in the same place as his current wife…but he still felt like a husband…had done twenty years…with only a very short but _extremely tumultuous_ time in between.

That was a brain twister, but it was the reality.

Tom proceeded to the last unchecked room, the master bedroom. The room that, if occupied, for better or worse, would give him answers. Or if unoccupied would only provide more terrible questions.

The door was ajar but he couldn't see anything through the gap, the light coming from the room was very dim, the thick curtains clearly closed, blocking out many of the suns dawning rays.

With both resolve and dread, he pushed open the door. He scanned the room, his eyes adjusting, but very quickly they settled upon the multitude of occupants of he and his wife's double bed.

He moved closer. Positively identifying every occupant in the low light. They were all there…and then some. One extra one actually. And they were all safe. He moved closer to assure himself that the movement of their rising and falling chests were indeed real and not just a figment of his imagination…like seeing the mirage of an oasis in the desert.

They were not, they were in breathing, looking healthy and franking absolutely adorable all snuggled together in a very small space in the center of the very large bed.

Tom took a silent moment to rejoice at the sight and let out the breath he didn't realize he had even been holding till that moment.

They were safe.

His family.

All of them.

All of them, plus one.

But…the blood?

His moment of celebration ceased as he remembered the state of the house downstairs and he realized that regardless of their state now, something terrible had clearly happened here, and very recently too.

He wanted answers desperately and yet he didn't want to disturb the deeply slumbering quartet.

Not being able to help himself from moving even closer, he stepped even further forward and even eased his suddenly weary form down to perch on the side of the bed very carefully. Though there was plenty of room, even for a foursome of individuals they were taking up barley any room themselves, so small were all their statures and so intertwined and cuddled together in the center were they.

The sight warmed his heart greatly. It was exactly what he had hoped for when he had rushed things forward so significantly before he left…and with such a pathetic skill level. He cringed at the memory of his own inadequacies back then, and thanked the heavens that what could easily have been the likely negative result of his rash actions had not occurred…not from the sight he was seeing before him now.

His family…very much looked like a **_family_** …like Rachel had performed yet another miracle in his absence… _and yet another one with his hindrance rather than his help…_

He was perplexed about Ava's clear closer investment into his family but the thought wasn't a remotely negative one. He liked the girl very much. Even back at their unfortunate first meeting she had shown some real courage, whereas he knew that many girls her age, in that same situation, would have deteriorated in the stress of it all…forgivably given the circumstances…but she had still not.

Yes, as long as the girl did not come firmly attached to her over eager mother, her presence, whatever it meant, was fine by him. And seeing as _the correct woman_ was adorning his bed and wrapped around his children…it appeared she did not. Which was a huge relief.

It had been nearly a year now and for nearly a year he had spent his every unoccupied moment…and a fair few of the ones he really should have been concentrating on something else…fixating on every possible negative outcome that could come from his every spectacular fuck up of those last days before his departure.

And he had counted them all! He had even collected a whole bunch that he hadn't actually been aware of at the time…because he had actually be aware that he had been screwing up even as he was doing it…for the most part…and yet he hadn't been able to stop himself.

Couldn't slow down, couldn't do things the way they should have been done, couldn't bring himself to say the things that should have been said. He had been desperate, and distraught at the idea of leaving things in any other fashion that the one he had finally arranged…though disgustingly imperfect it had been in its execution.

Though not necessarily all of it… He remembered some very high points of their short married acquaintance that he thought they had pulled off quite well given the rushed circumstances. His eyes trailed over what was visible of his wife's casually attired body, though very little of it was actually visible beneath the cover of blankets and child limbs that she wore _so well_ …his blood still heated.

If anything he was more aroused by the mother that was before him now than he had been by the lone wolf he had left behind…and he had already lusted after her **_a lot._**

Because that was who he was looking at now… _a mother_ …and a natural one too, even if not by means of a blood connection to any of her young charges. They certainly all appeared very attached to her now…both emotionally and very _literally._

The change in her was unquantifiable…and yet obvious to him. And it was not merely the result of her close slumbering embrace with the three little limpets attached to her now.

His children…and Ava. He had expected that they would have grown much in the ten months that had passed…and they had to be sure. He could see the small differences, and yet here in this bed, in sleep, tightly curled around their maternal figure….they somehow seemed even smaller than when he had left. Like back then they had needed to stand tall to fight through those terrible times and now they had been allowed to relax and live as they had been meant to…and it was Rachel that had allowed that.

He had the strong urge to gather all of them in his arms…to join them in their slumberous embrace…of course that would change that slumberous state very fast and he had sworn not to wake the quartet at this early hour…the state of downstairs was not least of the factors that made him instinctively believe that all four needed their rest…but could he really wait?

No, when factoring in the horrific scene of downstairs he knew he really couldn't. The day was dawning and surely even a neighbor walking a dog would soon be banging on the door, or calling the authorities, based just on the gory scene that was displayed on his front steps.

The decision made, with both eagerness and heavy trepidation, he moved to gently shake only Rachel and softly whisper her name at the same time.

He wasn't at all sure how he could possibly extradite her from her current circumstance without waking any of her companions, but it would be the heavily preferable option if he could. As much as he might long for the joyous and long overdue embrace he hoped his children's waking would provide…he thought some alone time with Rachel first would make things go a whole lot smoother…especially given that the likely gruesome explanation of downstairs was required to be first on their agenda.

He would definitely have preferred it if _other things_ could be.

Other more air clearing things.

"Rachel." He said again, leaning down to whisper right into her ear this time, accompanied by another small shake. She stirred, and mumbled a word that he thought was his name…but still she slept on.

He repeated his action again, his whisper slightly louder and his shake was slightly firmer. He couldn't describe how good it was to once again experience the small simple pleasure of just touching her, after so long an absence.

She stirred again, mumbled _his name_ again…but then suddenly started awake, her eyes going wide and training on him in shock.

A long moment passed in silence as they stared at each other.

After what seemed like an hour of just staring, she spoke…her voice shaking.

 _"_ _Tom…?"_

* * *

 **TBC**


	20. Of Delusions & Details

**War Bride - Chapter 20 – Of Delusions & Details**

* * *

"Yes, it's me." He could see she was shocked to see him, he had expected no less. Too long had passed, too long without being able to contact home… He well knew the assumption that would have been made in the long silence. Knew even before the looks of astonishment he had seen on every single face he had passed by this morning on his race to this very place…to these very people.

"No."

 _"_ _No?"_ His eyebrows rose, what exactly was she saying no to? Of course in his darkest moments of the near year past he had worried if he would even be allowed back into the situation he had made such a mess of before he left.

Though for the most part he had been able to convince himself that such thoughts were just a form of self-loathing and not actually a real possibility…right? Was it possible that he was not welcome back into the family he had abandoned for so long? It certainly seemed like they had grown close… _without him_ …did they not need him anymore? Were they angry at him for how he left and how long he had been gone?

He could understand it…unfortunately.

"You're not real."

 _Huh?_

Ok, that hadn't been what he had been expecting. He wasn't real? Maybe she thought she was dreaming, maybe that was it. He _had_ just woken her…

He watched her squeeze her eyes shut, shake her head, reopen her eyes and fix them back on him…then she spoke again.

"I've finally lost it." She stated matter-of-factly. "This is what endless months of sleep deprivation and stress will do to a person…it only figures that last night was the straw to brake the camels back..." She was speaking more to herself then she was to him, though thankfully still keeping her voice relatively low. The three children did not stir through he and his wife's increasingly strange interaction.

Though now he understood her strange demeanor and frankly pitifully low excitement level… _he had hope for at least_ _ **some**_ _small level of excitement at seeing him alive again_ …she thought she was hallucinating.

"Rachel, I'm really here and you are not hallucinating…though now that you mention last night…I really think that is the first thing we should talk about, downstairs is…" He continued the whispered conversation, but she cut him off.

"Firstly, of course a hallucination would claim not be a hallucination…secondly, I don't want to deal with last night yet and as you're not real, I don't have to!" With that she closed her eyes as settled back down as if she had every intention of going back to sleep.

Apparently thinking-she-had-lost-her-mind-Rachel, was a stubborn childish Rachel…hmm, the stubbornness actually wasn't new. Well, it made her a more childish version of herself…something that was kind of cute and could be a lot cuter if he wasn't starting to get quite frustrated with her.

Someone really needed to clue him in as to what the hell had happened last night and even thinking she had gone crazy, Rachel was the best option to make that explanation…but not here and not with her buried in a pile of sleeping children.

He would get to the children later, he longed to embrace them, but it was clear that would have to come later….be _preferable_ if that could come later. Hopefully they could continue to peacefully sleep a while longer….

As carefully as he could manage, he rearranged bedclothes and small bodies…relishing just being able to touch his darling children who he had really feared he would never see again. Soon he had his wife free of her tiny, and thankfully still sleeping, captors.

And that's when he went in. His arms dove under her and in a single effortless motion he lifted her into his arms as if she weighed about as much as a body pillow.

She let out a small shriek, her eyes opening in shock. But he gave her no time to recover or make further noise to disrupt his plan before he made his way out of the room with her.

At that point he did pause for a second. He could take her into one of the children bedrooms…but more distance would be better. That meant downstairs, and downstairs meant blood…Oh well, all the better to prompt the explanation that he needed to obtain so badly.

He proceeded down the stairs and about the same time that they made it the bottom was about the time that his wife got over her shock and stated fighting him…he was thankful she waited till they were at the bottom. He graciously and patiently set her on her feet.

She just stared up at him breathing heavily from her sudden exertions

He was still convinced she didn't believe he was real, even if he had just done what a hallucination shouldn't be able to do.

He was actually very glad she still believed him, _very unrealistically_ , to be incorporeal. Otherwise her continued lack of _positive_ reaction to his presence could be termed depressingly _underwhelming._

He longed to embrace her, carrying her had barely counted, especially when she had started fighting him…

As much as he wanted to _enthusiastically embrace_ her…he longed for her to return the gesture in kind…and right now he knew she would not.

Right now he was just an unwelcome figment of her imagination teasing her.

He had to change that belief. He was convinced she had not actually 'lost it' strange as her behavior and her stubborn disbelief of his presence was.

The mentions she had made about sleep deprivation and stress seemed pretty accurate based on both the look of her…and the look of this house. Don't get him wrong, she was beautiful, always had been and always would be in his eyes. But he had sure as hell seen her look more well rested and he wasn't sure he had ever seen her look _less_ well rested than this…and given her penchant for working twenty plus hour days when they had first met…that was a problem.

But still he was convinced this was just a temporary post trauma, post waking up, sleep deprived fugue state….and he could snap her out of it. And he could hope that when he did, when he got her to believe he was actually here…actually alive…actually back safe and sound…that she would welcome him…perhaps _physically_ …perhaps **_enthusiastically_** …

He couldn't help the thought that had teased him for much of the last year. The thought that he had screwed up so badly that what he longed for most, what he had once denied _her,_ she would now deny him in her hurt also.

Right now she was only denying it because she didn't even believe he was here. He could only hope that changing her mind would change her feelings…make them a hell of a lot hotter actually, right now she was looking at him very coolly.

Tom took a look around, they were standing right at the bottom of the stairs, right near a whole lot of blood stained carpet…and where their voices could early travel up the stairs into the unsealed room of the master bedroom...where innocent slumbering ears lay…

Tom started walking towards the kitchen at the back of the house, grabbing his wife's hand and pulling her along behind him. She didn't fight him, thankfully.

He stopped right near the sink at the very back of the house and pulled her close to him so that their bodies were almost touching and so that she had to look up significantly to meet his eyes….which she did…with _her_ still disbelieving ones.

"Rachel! Come on my darling, snap out of this! I am here! I am really here! I am back! _For good this time!"_ Dangerous promise to make, but he just heard himself make it anyway in his desperation. And it was his fervent hope that he could stick to it.

"No, no! Why are you doing this? It's just been too long! This can't be real…You can't be real! And now, ** _now_** you come back…it doesn't make sense…" Rachel waved dramatically at he bloody scene still visible in the living room.

Tom conceded that. "I can understand how the timing might seem strange with whatever went down last night…Rachel, can you tell me _what_ went down last night, please? There is blood all over the front deck as well…"

"Shouldn't a figment of my subconscious already know that?" She countered stubbornly.

He pounced on the opening. "Yes, Rachel! A figment of your imagination would! But I am not! I am Tom, I am your ** _husband_** and I am here! And I am really worried about my family, _all of you_ and what happened to put both you and this house in your current states."

She looked at him with unhidden suspicion, her brows furrowed deeply. Well if she was actually considering the option that he might be telling the truth…then that was improvement…

There was a long silence as they continued to observe and consider one another. Finally Rachel spoke. She was still standoffish, clearly her mind not yet trusting, but it seemed she had at least decided to 'play along'.

"Kelly Tophet died here last night." She spoke quietly.

That shocked Tom. Though as he thought about it he really should have considered that a possibly. The amount of blood clearly pointed to a death and the presence of Ava without that of her mother should have been a large clue as to the identity of the deceased.

He was regretful in that moment that he had only felt relief when he realized Ava was here _without_ her mother. He knew that that ill spirited thought would go on to cause him further guilt in the future but for now he let the feeling pass.

"How did it happen?" He queried.

"I don't know much myself. There was loud knocking on the door late last night…I thought it might be you." She admitted softly as a tear streaked down her cheek.

That made Tom's eyebrows rise, and for the first time he could see the benefits of her thinking he was a stress-induced aberration…she was being more honest and open with him. He was pretty sure she wouldn't have so quickly and easily admitted to that hope if she thought they were firmly in reality, instead of mired in fiction.

"But it wasn't?" He prompted.

"No. It was Kelly and Ava…on the front porch and covered in blood….and briefly the boyfriend that dumped them too…before he sped off like the piece of shit coward that he is." From both her tone and her words, her feelings for the 'piece of shit boyfriend' were made abundantly clear.

Tom cursed under is breath but prompted her to continue now that he was finally getting some much needed answers.

"What happened?"

"Ava said Kelly and the boyfriend were fighting… _again,_ she fell forward on what must have been some pretty nasty steel debris...from a spiked fence I think. I don't know how ' _accidental_ ' the original incident was…I have my doubts. But it was bad… _really bad_ …and if he didn't kill her by causing those injuries to start with, he sure as did by being too much of a scared little chicken shit to man up and get her real help!" Her anger was clear.

"She shouldn't have even been moved from the location, let alone driven all the way to the city only to then have this coward refuse to take her to the only place where she had a chance in hell of surviving…Ava said he was scared the police would get him if he went near a hospital...so she had the jerk bring them here instead….and it actually sounds like Kelly _was ok_ with the idea…I don't know, she was probably just pretty far gone by that point…but she seemed to know that I'd be here I think. It turns out they actually hadn't been far away this whole time, and I can completely imagine how rumors have spread…we are both pretty hot gossip around town...Kelly could easily have found out everything that happened with us before you left…and after…" She let the sentence hang, clearly deliberately not giving it its full explanation.

Tom swore.

"Could she have lived?" His question was harshly intoned.

"Maybe…" She answered honestly. "The chances weren't great, but she had lost so much blood that they were basically zero by the time he dumped her on this doorstep…I was completely useless by that stage…all that was accomplished by dropping her here was traumatizing all the children…"

"They _all_ saw everything? Sam and Ashley too?" The thought was a unpleasant one, but one that only made sense given he circumstances.

"Yes, I couldn't prevent it…it all happened so fast... Ava wouldn't leave her mother's side of course, but I tried to involved Sam and Ashley as little as I possibly could, I even asked them to go upstairs and…" She paused, an indefinable look on her face as she studied him. "Well, all that was achieved by that is they got a birds eye view of the whole mess from the top of the stairs."

Rachel lamented and Tom could clearly hear her guilt at her self-implicated failure on all scores. Her failure to save Kelly…despite the fact all had seemed to be hopeless from the time of her arrival. And her failure to spare his children the added trauma…despite the fact that _that_ had been out of her control too.

"Rachel…nothing that happened last night was your fault, on the contrary, what I saw upstairs tells me that you handled everything _marvelously!_ After an extremely traumatic event those three children up there were clean, healthy and sleeping peacefully, _feeling safe_ , in your arms… _you did that_." He tried to assure her.

Rachel looked at him dubiously. "Well that's a nice _theory_ to hear and all but not exactly a humble one as I seem to be complimenting myself right now…"

Ah! Another opening! "Yes, Rachel! And since when do you ever do that?! When do you _ever_ allow yourself to bask in the praise you earn?"

She looked at him even more suspiciously, it was strange but while she had been awake for a while now, he felt like he could now sense the spark of cognizance start to burn increasingly brighter within her.

"I…I…" She couldn't answer him.

"The answer is you don't, Rachel! Ever! Either consciously _or subconsciously_ …I knew well it was a failing of yours when I married you! So based on that what do _you_ think might be actually going on here? Please put that great scientific mind to use and tell me I might be a 'real boy'. The suspense is killing me…" He said with a grin.

She couldn't stop herself from smiling too, and then she grew thoughtful…for a long drawn out moment in time. He looked beseechingly into her eyes and held his breath for her hopefully _accurate_ deduction of their current situation… ** _namely that he was actually here!_**

His eyes were still glued to hers but in his periphery he took note of her every small moment. Notably, when her slight uncovered arm started to rise. He watched its progress as she drew it up to within a hairs breath from his face…yet she hesitated to actually make contact though he could tell she wanted to touch him greatly but feared what either the successful or unsuccessful endeavor would mean.

It might not make much sense with them having already made contact this morning, but somehow they could both sense that this moment of successful contact would mean _more_.

They were both enlivened to the others physical nature now.

Tom was so tempted to breach the short distance himself and move into her promised caress, but he stayed strong and he was glad he did when he felt the electric shock race through him at the moment of her willing caress of him.

Looking at her he was sure that she felt it too, her eyes were wide in dawning shock.

"T…Tom…?" She stuttered her single worded question on a shocked exhalation…

"Yes! Yes! It's me! It's me, Honey! I'm _really here."_

 _Please believe me, Rachel! I need you…_

Several more almost painful moments of silence. The air of deliberation coming off Rachel was tangible and painful to Tom in its seeming unendingness.

She had dropped her hand again but on a desperate impulse he retrieved it…and the other one too. He thrust both her hands too his chest, positioned them right atop his heart, one on top of the other…and then he covered them with his own large hands, one on top of the other…and pushed down. He didn't need to speak, both he and Rachel knew what he was making her feel…his heartbeat.

An eminently tangible proof for a doctor and scientist…even if the woman was inclined to doubt in her current state.

More long seconds of silence…

More long beseeching looks from Tom…

More long searching ones from Rachel…

And slowly her doubt receded into stunned elation.

"…Oh my God! Tom!" She flung herself at him, not that there had been much distance she had needed to cover to achieve the goal, but she had still performed it with gusto, enough to make Tom take a step back as she bodily hit him.

With a heavily sigh of relief, Tom welcomed her wholly into his expansive embrace and lifted her off the ground in his exuberance to finally achieve this long awaiting desire.

Their now _highly emblematic_ enthusiastic embrace…

* * *

 **TBC**

* * *

 **A/N:** I hope everyone is enjoying this! And again, thank you so much for the continuing support. It's not over, not by a long shot. I'm pretty happy with myself so far, 20 updates in 20 days, but I hope I haven't left you in too bad a spot to tell you that I am actually super busy this weekend so I really need to call for a short hiatus…so no updates for a few days… just a few days, I promise. I will be back. :-)


	21. A Stimulating Discovery

**War Bride - Chapter 21 – A Stimulating Discovery**

* * *

 **A/N:** See…just a couple of days I needed. I can be trusted sometimes. ;-)

* * *

In the heated moments that followed Tom couldn't even recall who had made the first move to take their reunion to the next level, he thought the desire put into action might have been instinctive and exactly mutual in its timing. What he did know was that her mouth was now happily dueling with his, the heat and ardor in both their bodies joyfully taking the lead from their mouths…and their hands followed, he felt hers caress his covered chest and realized his hands had already made their way _beneath_ the thin material of her singlet and were now trailing the skin of her hips…and upwards, in delight.

Ok, so maybe he was getting a little further ahead of her, but he had fewer barriers in his way that she had. He was fully uniformed, whereas she was standing there, being held there, in an extremely flimsy example of sleep attire…

One he highly approved of. As their mouths continued to fulfill their yearning and their hands continued to hungrily traverse one another…he remembered the look of her standing before him so lowly clothed just moments ago.

It had been a stunning picture even mired in the fugue of sleep, shock and anger.

And he realized he had never seen her thusly. Never so casual, never so lowly attired…except the one instance that he had been the one to disrobe her of her _every_ small piece of attire.

But this was different. In some ways, _at least for him_ , the presence of the right strategic coverings of the female form was more awakening and sensuous than the immediate gratification of the completely disrobed form.

Of course, in that moment, his mind helpfully provided him with a full color image of his gorgeous wife's completely disrobed form…laid bare and willingly open to his hungry gaze in that hotel room all those long months ago. He groaned into her mouth and thrust himself into her as the effect of the mental image sizzled through his veins.

But as the erotic image of many months past faded and the one of mere moments ago reemerged in its wake….a slower but no less powerful sizzle awakened in his veins. His mind studied her every detail as his hands confirmed his every theorem.

He happily established what he had already deuced. Her clothing was indeed thin and loose and absolutely no barrier at all to his strong mission-oriented hands. And as he now trailed both his hands down the luscious skin of her back, he lustily confirmed what his front view of her in the tiny scrap of fabric had already made clear…she wasn't wearing a bra.

He had never seen her breasts such, technically clothed though so very unconfined…it made them look much different somehow, bigger… _plumper_ … In that moment he couldn't believe what she had been so successfully hiding beneath all loose shirts all those months on the ship and even off it.

Though he remembered that she hadn't exactly been at her healthiest all that time. He swore he had negligently seen her loose many pounds on his ship. And to his shame it was not something he had attempted to remedy. First because he barely knew the beautiful scientist living on his ship, and later it was because he simply couldn't ask her to do what she actually needed…take a break.

She presented a vastly different picture now. Her face showed the stress and sleep deprivation she had mentioned, but her otherwise her body showed signs of a return to health. Far from being skinnier than he remembered, something he had feared given how well he knew her penchant for overworking and irregular eating, she was actually fuller than he had ever seen or felt her…maybe that was it, especially in regards to her previously hidden voluptuous breasts…it was all certainly changes he liked… _especially her breasts._

She was simply breathtaking, was still taking his breath away, though she was doing it far more literally now…her mere untouching visage had been enough to do it before…

Of course he was 'reacting', how could he not? He had dreamed of being welcomed back into her arms every night since the single night she had welcomed him back on the night of their marriage. A night he held as if sacred in the most cherished corner of his memory.

A night that seemed so very long ago now…

Too long ago, he longed to make up for lost time and from her current reaction, it seemed she was more than amenable to his fervent desire, and he thanked the heavens for that. Because as much as he and his people had traversed the last ten months, he feared that after so long apart, being near her again yet unable to have her would have been the real challenge that could well have tested his capabilities to their limits.

Again he remembered the visage that was now pressed into him as if she was painted onto him. She had molded herself to him in her ardor… _particularly her lower body…_ and it was doubtless she was aware of his sizeable reaction to her action…

Unable to resist any longer, an urge that in his lust filled fog he couldn't fathom why he had been resisting at all, he allowed his hands to travel up the front of her upper body, and to the glorious twin objects of his reawakened fantasy.

Her hands had not been idle either, far from it, they had maneuvered past the greater barriers created by his clothing and were now greedily trailing his abs, even as her mouth continued to explore his, though breaking frequently to expel hedonistic moans of pleasure.

The first touch of his eager hands to her free full breasts was wondrous for him, and seemingly very pleasurable for her as the loud shocked moan that immediately escaped her was discernibly headier than the already extremely stirring ones that came before it.

He repeated the action, palming both her full breasts in his large balms. She practically screamed her cry of pleasure when he lightly squeezed the objects of his passion. Though thankfully she did not break from him and her cry was muffled by his mouth on hers.

Encouraged by her very favorable reaction he went further and caressed her seemingly _very_ sensitive nipples…even more encouraged, he squeezed them. He had expected a reaction but not the one he got…she shrieked into his mouth and jumped backwards out of his arms.

He just looked at her in shock, confusion as to what had just happened clearly evident in his features…that confusion grew exponentially as he noticed twin dark patches of wetness that were expanding from two central points on her top…emanating precisely from two very telling areas…the twin objects of his ardent attentions of only moments ago…

It was like his brain was suddenly frozen…and yet as he watched the wetness expand further he managed to make his mouth form two words.

"What's that?" His utterance was made in evident shock...and shallow dawning realization. It was like a bucket of cold water had been dumped on him as his mind started feverishly putting together all the clues he had noticed but missed all at the same time.

 _Fuller breasts…_

 _Fuller figure…_

 _Sleep deprivation…_

And he added this final irrefutable one.

Her breasts were **_leaking._**

 ** _He_** _had caused that_ …and had seen and experienced the reaction before. Though he had missed an appalling amount of his first wife's pregnancies, births and his children's very young lives…

 _Oh God_ …all signs were pointing to the fact that that was _exactly_ what had happened… ** _again._**

Though this time he had missed ** _everything._**

There was no other explanation.

 _Rachel…_ _ **his wife**_ _._

 _…_ _had had a_ _ **baby**_ in his absence

… ** _his_** _baby._

It had to be _his_ _baby_ …right?

They had only had that one night together…but still…

Tom tried to stamp down on the self-punishing self-destructive thought. But too his peril, both were well travelled and familiar thought processes by now.

For too long his emotional solitude had tortured him with his many worries that he had _not_ sufficiently or honestly inspired her to truly wait for him. For too long he had felt the dread that her lack of true fidelity would be exactly what he deserved as he had not promised her his.

Not the _fidelity of his heart_ that was.

He had _felt it_ , he had in fact _given it_ …but he had not _told her_ that she had it. And he was still clueless as to whether or not it was a promise she had even wanted to receive…or possibly give him in return?

He held himself back from voicing any of his _highly inflammatory_ thoughts. Revelations…whatever they might be, would soon unfold…they would _have to now._

 _And hastily forthcoming_ , he silently pleaded to the ether.

Tom tried desperately to control his impatience as he stared at his wife now several feet in front of him, her arms having belatedly risen to cover her leaking breasts. The action was futile both in its tardiness and because the expanding wetness of her thin singlet was still clearly visible behind her thin crossed limbs.

"Rachel?" He prompted, his voice more than slightly desperate. She was doing everything but meeting his eyes, or answering his unvoiced, _because it didn't need to be voiced_ , question.

"Yes?" She answered completely lamely, and also quite desperately, though she was finally actually looking at him. Unfortunately that look reminded him somewhat of a dear caught in headlights, and it wasn't particularly comforting that in that scenario he was the oncoming truck about ready to mow her down.

She seemed near as shocked as he was by what had happened…of what her body had betrayed as truth, and was now hanging in the air between them regardless of its unvoiced state. Though he wasn't sure _how_ that could be…he was the one being thrown in the deep end here. Yet here she was, looking at him very nervously...or even _scared?_

Of him?

Of his reaction?

Of revealing the _full_ truth to him…?

Was it possible his should be unfounded fears did have foundation here?

A deeply buried part of himself screamed at him. Warned that he was at risk of doing it again, every mistake he had made way back when…

And yet he could not ignore the thought. It crept up and was fed by the increasing silence, just as every doubt and his own mistakes had been fed by the many months of forcible lack of resolution.

He knew he should not speak his doubt, it was his and the product of own prolonged emotional trauma…he should not speak it and inflict it on her…and yet the silence was killing him with its every prolonged second. Someone had to speak and she was not.

Still she was bearing a startling resemblance to the dear caught in oncoming danger that he was apparently the one to bring upon her…or so she seemed to fear.

Instead of speaking his doubt, with _massive_ deployed restraint he managed to settle on speaking the far less inflammatory virtual certainty.

" _You had a baby, Rachel_?" He was staring at the evidence and yet his own question was like a revelation to his own ears.

 ** _Rachel_** _had a_ _ **baby.**_

 _It could be_ _ **his**_ _…it_ _ **really**_ _could._

 _God, he hoped!_

There was a long silence, too long for a question he already knew the answer too. Her prolonged hesitation seemed very odd, but eventually she did speak.

"…Yes." She said with a strange lack of definitiveness in her tone. He really wouldn't have thought that question had any other options for answers except the very basic _yes_ of _no_ … He couldn't fathom where her seeming desire for qualification could possibly have come from…except… _oh god_ … _last night_ …

"The baby? It's safe? After last night? _Rachel, please tell me it's safe_." He pleaded hurriedly as soon as the terrible thought had occurred to him. He had been resting easier upon seeing all his children safe upstairs, but upon learning of another child's existence he also immediately realized he had _not_ confirmed its welfare also. Had seen no sign…but then he had not looked, single minded in his focus to find all the much older residents of the house.

Again her answer, what really should _again_ have been a very simple yes or no, took an entirely confusing too long in coming.

"Yes, Tom…Safe. All the children are safe." She answered eventually in a placating, but somehow still withholding, manner.

Something was wrong, the fact that she was withholding something and was fearful of his reaction was basically plain now…and it made it very difficult for him to ignore the doubt that he _depressingly_ knew would explain her strange reaction…he couldn't think of another reason…

Rachel knew he now knew she had had a baby in his absence…if all was plain and it was _his baby_ , if it was _her husband's_ child that she had birthed, shouldn't she now be acting like the biggest revelation was past? Why was she still looking like the biggest revelation was yet to come, and why did she seem so fearful of his reaction to it?

Unless…

No, desperately he tried to stamp down on the doubt…and yet he could unearth no other theory for her reaction. Part of him knew he was once again allowing himself to be controlled, to his own detriment, but his doubts and insecurities…and yet again he could not seem to stop himself.

With his wife being so very unforthcoming and sending such worrying signals…he was forced to speak and try to find a way to exorcise this doubt that he desperately needed rid of…it was simply painful at this stage.

So, his self control apparently departed, and a big but buried part of him already knowing his question was damaging and hurtful, he heard himself speak the ill advised words anyway.

"Is it mine?"

* * *

 **TBC**

* * *

 **A/N:** Yeah, I know. You have to understand, Rachel was not the only one left being tortured by unresolved doubts for months on end. Only Tom actually had an added heaping of guilt to stew in because of his awareness of his own failure to handle things well back then. You have all been asking for Tom's POV, well that is what is happening here. (Shock horror! He's not perfect either! ;-P). Stay strong people, there is light at the end of the tunnel. :-)


	22. Doubts Resurfaced & Truths Revealed

**War Bride - Chapter 22 - Doubts Resurfaced & Truths Revealed**

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 **A/N:** Thank you everyone for the feedback and support, I realize I shocked a few people with my last chapter but I am pleased that most of you found it to be a good kind of shock. :-)

* * *

 **Warnings:** A bit of language in this one.

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Rachel stood in stunned silence at her husbands heart-wrenching question. A question that threw even the few things she had previously clung to as certainties, into painful doubt. She had thought fidelity was the one thing that neither of them would have to worry about, even in the worst-case scenario that their marriage proved less than a viable love match...

But he had slept with her only ten months ago, **_after he married her_** , had been 'courting' her before that… and now, granted very inopportunely, he discovers she's had a baby and he felt the immediate need to ask her ** _if it was bloody well his?!_**

 ** _The Cad!_**

Previously, she hadn't for a second doubted his commitment to her, _not what was controlled by his actions anyway_ , of which his sexual fidelity to her was very much included. It was one of only a very short list of things she _hadn't_ doubted! And now it was like that previously placating certainty needed to be turned on its head!

Now Rachel very much feared that her husband was revealing _his betrayal of her_ by his fears for _himself._ Betrayers feared being betrayed, cheaters feared being cheated on. They see it in the ether, even if it is not there, because it is the ghost of their own guilt haunting them.

Could Tom have been untrue to her? Could that be why he was so quick to see a ghost where there should have been no hint of one? They had spoken so little and left so much unsaid, but why would either of them have embarked on this marriage if either had had the slightest notion of breaking it so very quickly…and surely infidelity from either of them would surely break it…something that was so very fragile and tentative to start with…

His words hurt deeply and in that hurt old wounds she had sworn to let stay buried resurfaced with a vengeance.

"So you doubt me too? Well do me a favor and please don't share those doubts with your daughter, I already had to fend them off when I first announced my pregnancy…she explained to me how she knew _exactly_ how babies were made and how her Daddy _couldn't possibly_ be the father because I wasn't a 'real wife' like her mother was…her Daddy had just been 'doing his duty' and 'what was right' in marrying me…those last words sounds familiar, Tom?" She asked pointedly.

 _Shit!_

They _did_ sound familiar. Though he had in fact said others that were far less damning…clearly they were not the ones that had been focused on. Yes, in his many months of torturous hindsight Tom was well and truly aware that it had not only been Rachel he had screwed up his interaction's and explanations of those last few days with.

"Oh God, I'm so sorry, Rachel…" And he was. He was picturing that particular part of the mess he had left her with and wincing at his own inadequacy yet again.

"What the hell are you sorry for, Tom?! Apparently I'm the slut that, far from waiting so much as a month for my heroic war husband, I basically immediately opened my legs for the first dick to cross my path! Apparently that's the first impression of me from everyone in this family, it must be true!"

She was really struggling to keep her voice low now, but she was managing it. The _last_ thing either of them needed was an ill-timed and _very distracting_ interruption right now.

Tom cringed, not liking her crude words at all, but he was able to see that their implication was no less than exactly what he had outright accused her of. So he had little grounds to question her insult driven choice of vocabulary…he had been the one to offer the prodigious insult to both her honor and her character.

"Rachel, again… _I am_ _ **so**_ _sorry..._ I don't know how else to explain _my_ failing, _my_ error _, my great and_ _ **completely unwarranted**_ _insult on you_ … other than to explain that I have had endless months that I have spent torturing myself on how badly I screwed up everything with you back then…all the worst case scenarios that could have resulted from _my_ failure. That was the only reason for my doubts… _nothing truly legitimate_ and certainly nothing that would cast a unkind shadow on you or your actions, Rachel."

There was a long silence before she finally spoke. Her body language clearly saying that she was _not_ over his great offence but was open to the discussion to try and make it right. _Thank God…_

"I can understand that part, Tom. My own unending doubts about those last days haven't exactly been the most pleasant of metal companions either… But Tom, what you suggested, if I _had_ gotten pregnant by another man mere months after I married _you_ , I think that would have put more than just an _unkind_ shadow over me…" Her tone was one of derision.

Then he was silent for several long considering moments. He had learnt quickly and he was giving all his words more contemplation before he spoke them.

"It still isn't something I would have held against you, Rachel." He spoke matter-of-factly…though evidence of pain in his voice. "Like I said, I know how badly I screwed up back then. I tried to make a piece of paper…a marriage license, take the place of real words and promises…it was utter cowardess on my part…and I'm so sorry for that. If you had sort… _comfort_ …from another after failing to receive it from me…I obviously wouldn't have liked it, but I would have only had myself to truly blame for it." He spoke sadly, a tortuous picture forming of a scenario that he could easily have created with his ill executed actions…but he had not, he was saved from that fate…Rachel had said as much…she had been true, whether he had deserved it or not…and it was his child she had done him the huge honor to birth in his absence.

More considering silence, Rachel eyeing him as though he was a predator…with the strange added hint of also being prey. Eventually she spoke and saved him from his own confusing musings.

"Regardless, Tom… that is **_not_** what happened…not even close. I got pregnant on my one and only wedding night… ** _by you_**. That truth is unequivocal **_in my mind_** as it was the first and last time I have had sex in the last two years!"

Tom could tell she was displeased with having to spell it out so plainly, and he could well understand that…but nonetheless he breathed out the heavy sigh of relief at the clarity that her untainted honestly had gifted him with.

He believed her absolutely of course…already had merely by her reaction to his terrible insult. It had been very real and telling…and it told him that he was a bastard of the worst kind.

Now that she had said the words he couldn't fathom how he had given heed to there being any doubt on the subject at all. But once again he had to blame those long months of ever increasing unresolved doubts…an unpleasant phenomena that it seemed she was also familiar with…because of him.

He was deeply relieved, relieved from the doubt he knew his more rational mind would not have harbored to start with, but he was glad to be rid of it nonetheless.

But still questions remained, his wife was still withholding something, he would bet money on it…what was it? He hoped this strong instinct could be trusted and that they hadn't _all_ been corrupted by doubt. He thought he could…but still, he resolved to proceed with _far_ more caution than he had exercise previously.

"I have to ask you something now." It was Rachel that spoke, casting him from his musings.

"Go ahead." He could say not less, as much as he wanted answers, he knew she needed, _deserved them_ , too. Particularly after his epic verbal fuck up… Maybe it would actually be vastly preferable if he didn't speak much for a while and let Rachel lead this. Though he knew his own impatience and outside factors beyond either of their control would not really make that a viable plan.

There was still so much that needed to be addressed in this short lived opportunity before the outside world would intrude in one way or another…and he still had children of his he desperately needed to embrace…including one he had yet to even meet! _Three children_ …three children he desperately yearned to acquaint and reacquaint himself with.

Of course there was Ava, he was sure she was to stay and live with them now, and he would of course be as much of a father to her as she would allow…in time…but her presence was still not the same as the connections he had to his other children, even the one he had not laid eyes on yet.

He didn't know her well yet and thus had not had time or opportunity to grow to love her yet, and she was not his blood…Sam and Ashley were both and his and Rachel's baby was the later and would very soon be the former too. That was how it worked with parents and offspring. In Ava's case things would just take a little longer, but they would get there.

It still boggled his mind that he and Rachel had created a baby that single night together, and then he had immediately left her, but she had gone on to grow, birth and nourish that child with the same body that he had worshipped that night…there was no greater act of love in Tom's mind… _if only_ … His wife's voice broke him from his musing.

"This is the last question I ever thought I would have to ask you, Tom…even if our marriage proved less than supreme…I still thought this much would be a certainty. But the fact that it was one of the first questions you felt the need to ask me…I think that means I need to ask you too…" She took a deep breath and spoke the question that ever modicum of her posture said she didn't want to ask. "Have you been with another woman since you married me?"

Her question stunned him at first, but it didn't take long for him to realize that the bitter taste of his own terrible medicine was exactly what he deserved and frankly exactly what he had _asked for_ …moments he thankfully managed to keep silent…see, he was learning…

"Rachel, No, absolutely not, _never!_ You are right that that is not a question you should **_ever_** have had to ask me, ever felt the _need_ to ask me, and I know the only reason you felt it now was _my fault_ , but _no_ … _never_ … ** _ever._** My vows to you are sacred to me."

She was silent for a long moment, though studying him closely. After what felt like an eternity, she simply nodded, accepting his words. He was grateful for that, he could have hoped for more of course, but he didn't deserve more. That interaction was exactly what he had created and its hurtful consequences were exactly what he would have to just endure, as he had forced her endure.

"Rachel, again I am _so sorry_ …but…" He paused, torn, a large part of him advising caution…but a possibly larger part of him **_needing_** resolution so bad it was like a physical ache.

"Darling…I am _ **so**_ very sorry for what I said and the hurtful implications…it was completely my fault and wrong of me on just so many levels…but you have to know that one of the reasons I said that stupid thing is because I know you pretty well by this point and I could tell, _I can still tell now_ , that you are holding something back. Something big and something you are worried about my reaction too…can you tell me that I am wrong?" He pleaded with his eyes and his words for her to understand and answer him honestly.

"No, you're not wrong." She admitted with far more definiteness than her previous answers.

"Then what is it, Rachel? Please just tell me. I think we have proved it can't be worse than my own insecurity driven doubts…you said the baby is safe…and healthy?"

"Yes, all the children are safe and completely healthy." She answered.

But again there was that look on her face and that pause of just a little too long than what would speak to complete honestly.

"Rachel, what are you _still_ not telling me? _Is it bad_?" He really needed her to answer him before his doubt-controlled imagination started running away with him again…as it was now utterly proved it was apt to do.

"No. At least I don't believe it's bad, _not at all_ …" He saw a small smile grace her beautiful features. "But I'm worried you might find it... _overwhelming_ , Tom…especially now with Ava here."

What the…? Yeah, he was definitely confused. "What does Ava have to do with this, Rachel?"

"She's staying, Tom. She doesn't have anybody else anyway and what's more is _I want her to stay_. I won't consider any other options." Rachel pronounced emphatically in that trademark stubborn tone of hers.

Her answer did nothing to clear Tom of his confusion. "I am not arguing that, Rachel…" He replied cautiously as he was aware he was still missing something that must be pretty big. "I expected that we would obviously take her in now."

That seemed to surprise her. "Oh…well, good."

Complete silence for several more moments. He could admit he found the silence difficult. It was like words not being spoken in the present reminded him of the terrible consequences of them not being spoken in the past. Not being able to stand it a moment longer he deliberately broke the silence with what he hoped was a neutral or possibly even constructive comment.

"So…four children, huh? I have to admit it's a shock but-."

"Five." She corrected him.

 _"_ _Huh?"_

A small indefinable smile graced her features now. She seemed to have plucked up some extra courage for somewhere. He also suspected that his easy acceptance of Ava had been a very pleasing move in her eyes…finally! He did something right! But what did she mean by 'five'…?

Rachel cut off his thoughts, her smile still in place. "I have been meaning to ask you, Tom, for, oh…the last eight months or so…is there a history of twins in your family? Because there sure as hell isn't in mine..."

 _Again…Huh!?_

His brain was doing that freezing thing again.

"I don't understand…." He stammered… Well, actually there was a _very specific_ possibility was teasing his consciousness…but it couldn't be true!

"Yes you do, Tom…and if not then let me clear it up for you. **Even your sperm is overachieving**!"

 _Oh God._

It **_was_** true _._

Not baby… ** _babies!_**

 _Twins!_

She had had _twins!_

His _twins!_

He was the father of _twins!_

And _Rachel_ was their mother.

He couldn't believe it!

Though it actually _did_ explain her earlier reticence over his continued non-plural usage when referring to her newly delivered offspring. Yep, there actually had been another valid _and innocent_ explanation to explain her reaction and hesitance about _his_ reaction…they had never discussed having children together…one of a multiple of discussions they had _not_ had…and now…

He had left near a year ago, leaving behind two children and a wife of a day, now he returned to find he was head of a family of seven!

* * *

 **TBC**

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 **A/N:** Yeah, I couldn't help but bring _that_ part back in. You guys know which one I mean, it seemed to be pretty popular the first time and I just had to have Rachel say it to his face. :-P


	23. Delayed Explanations

**War Bride - Chapter 23 - Delayed Explanations**

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In his shock that followed Tom realized he hadn't even asked if his new child was a boy or a girl… _or their name_ , a realization that came with the wave of sadness of having missed out on involvement in those events…an now he realized he needed ask those questions twice over…Rachel had had twins! _His_ twins…

He had two more biological children…and a soon to be adopted one.

Five.

Five children.

And he had missed all the newest additions introductions into a family that was so very changed from what he knew. Though of course it seemed that Ava's addition had been very recent, and an unenviable event to have witnessed…though there was still enough of its aftermath open to view all around him…they would have to deal with that very soon…

But he was allowing himself to get distracted. The fact that he now knew he had twice as many children as he believed he had five minutes ago…and he didn't even know a single thing about the latest additions, most notably either their names or sexes… _that_ really felt like the most immediate thing to remedy as soon as possible…quickly followed by _actually seeing them_ he hoped.

"Twins…?" He stammered. His mental faculties were returning quicker than his verbal capabilities clearly.

"Yes." She answered simply.

"What are they?" There were more important questions, but this was a simple and obvious one his brain could apparently handle.

"Babies." She sassed him back in answer.

" _Rachel."_ He voice held sanction, but also humor.

"Girls, Tom. Two little girls." She relented quickly.

Wow. Two more girls. _Daughters_ …he had _three_ daughters now… _four even_ …

It wasn't like he had had a lot of time to develop a preconceived notion, but the little time is brain had had…that _wasn't_ the direction it had gone. It wasn't bad, not at all, but it was just that smallest bit more of a shock that one what two boys or even one of each would have been. Maybe because he was a man, he could more easily and less frighteningly picture boys…just like more childless woman probably imagined having daughters.

"So they're identical?" He proceeded to try to belatedly get acquainted with the facts of his new daughters birth and short life that he had thus far completely missed.

"What?" His question seemed to surprise her.

"You said my sperm was 'overachieving'..." He parroted her words with a small smile, clearly not remotely chagrinned. "Isn't that how it works? Fraternal twins only follow the maternal line, so are they identical?"

"Oh…you know about that, huh?"

"Yeah…" He elongated the pronunciation with confusion.

"Damn…no, the twins aren't identical…very different actually." She admitted.

He gave her a strange look.

"Well every other less educated person in town is blaming you, I thought I could get away with it too." She admitted somewhat petulantly. "It was immature…I'm sorry."

"Blaming me? Is there blame to be had here? Do you regret that you had twins? That you had my baby at all?" Tom was horrified at the possibility. That he could have failed to protect her from an eventuality she steadfastly didn't want… _because he didn't know._

Once again an important conversation he failed to make them have…

"No… _of course not_ , I love my children, _all_ of them…" His wife answered with conviction.

Of course she did… _now_ …that was motherhood...though he was heartened to notice that she seemed to include his older children in the statement. It was exactly what he had been witness to upstairs so it wasn't a surprise, but….still his fears were not assuaged that she may _not_ have wanted this if she had really had a choice…it _he_ had really given her a choice.

"But, Tom, I am exhausted from doing this alone for the last ten months…it's a lot! And before the twins were born I was working full time too...am still trying to be useful to my work now!"

"Of this I have no doubt." He spoke drolly. Of course she was working herself into the ground…his wife didn't have any other setting. Yet again he had left her knowing well this tendency of hers.

He even had to shamefully admit there had been moments in the past months where he had allowed himself to be comforted by it. When he had worried for his children safety he had reassured himself in the knowledge that Rachel was their career and she would willing sacrifice _all_ for their care…it was who and what she was.

Of course that absolute knowledge didn't help him so much when he would worry for _his wife._ She had never shown anything but a reckless disregard for her own safety and continued wellbeing… Her having more obligations to others to fulfill would only mean less energy would be left for herself and the minimal care she ever gave herself.

"And all of that was before the events of last night! Tom, I am _beyond_ exhausted right now…" She spoke in a tone of defeat, her shoulders sagging, arms no longer bothering to cover her damp thinly covered breasts now hanging limply by her sides.

Compassion overtook him as he realized the state his wife was truly in, and the state he was selfishly claiming all her limited energy reserves in…reserves, as a new mother, he knew belonged to her babies… _his babies._

So many answers and allayment of fears did he desire, _believed they both did_ , but now was not the time for any but the most basic of them…and certainly none of the more emotionally draining of them.

With self despising realization Tom became aware that his wife's utter exhaustion was probably the only reason he had got off so lightly from his massive and so hurtful verbal misstep… She was too damn tired to really fight with him! Damn, he was _not_ stupid enough to believe that meant the conversation was over…

"Oh, Rachel… Come here, _please darling_..." He opened his arms to her and begged his wife to return to his embrace.

For a long moment she looked torn, he was pleased to see that a part of her seemed to really want to return to him, but displeased that he had hurt her enough that there was still a part of her that was fighting it.

"Rachel I am not asking you to forgive everything I've done wrong, right now I am not asking you to forgive _anything_ I've done wrong… _and I know I've done wrong_. I am only asking you to let me comfort you and let me have the honor of having you back in my arms, it has been what I have longed for for so long and I assure you having that desire finally realized is a huge comfort to me too." He implored, laying himself uncomfortably vulnerable to her.

But it worked. She walked slowly back into his embrace and held herself in it like a small child, her head cuddling into his chest, as he curled his arms back around her with simple companionable pleasure.

Their embrace was vastly different to their earlier, and startlingly interrupted, one…but it was no less what he had been yearning for…their first had promised a return to the pleasures of the night of their marriage…but this one promised the pleasures of the lifelong companionship of marriage.

Given a choice of only one of the two, he would choose this. His love was stronger and more fulfilling than his lust…but together they were explosive.

For what seemed like an eternity they both just enjoyed the long awaited quiet physical reaffirmation. Tom wished they could stay that way for the day…but they could not. Rachel was in no state to deal with what needed to be, though he could not prevent much of it…but he would prevent what he could.

Unfortunately that involved her getting him up to speed enough to not be entirely lost in his attempts to help…and he knew it would not be long before her and littler minds grew vocal in their curiosity of his whereabouts this whole time.

He was surprised but grateful he had not been questioned on the topic yet…it was not a short story… He knew Rachel was not uninterested, it was just clear that far more time pressing matters had stolen her attention...and his.

What limited attention she had, that was. His wife really did remind him of a child right now, as tired and small as she was curled into his arms. He wished he could simply take her into his arms and carry her back to the comfortable bed he had stolen her from to start with…but he could not. It was occupied.

To his surprise it was Rachel who spoke next, when he had been half expecting her to be about to fall asleep against him.

"You saw the children?" That was where he had physically taken her from, _so yes_ , but he had to remember she had not been quite 'with it' at the time.

"Yes, they look well, really well, even in spite the circumstances. You did good Rachel, _really_ good." His words, spoken against her hair, were heartfelt.

"They were all still asleep? They don't know…?" Rachel seemed to just be getting his confirmation on everything she already knew or assumed. Of course she would know that there was no way they would still be existing in peace and quiet if he had woken any of the children up.

"No…I admit I did had the strong urge to wake them, but it can wait. They need sleep and we need just a bit more time alone if we're allowed it." She nodded.

"You didn't see the babies?" Again, it was barely a question, she of course knew he hadn't. But he answered anyway.

"No…I can't believe I missed them now…but I also _can_. When I saw the blood I was so terrified for all of you, when I found all of you…who I _thought_ was all of you…I looked no further, I was just so relieved to find you all safe and unharmed."

Rachel cringed in his arms. "I'm so sorry you had to see that, Tom, that you came home to that…if I had thought for a second that today was the day you'd return, and contemplated the impact of you finding that scene upon your return…I never would have left it like that…but we were all just so exhausted and the children were so upset after everything was done last night… I, and I think they also, only had the energy to do what was necessary and then get some sleep…I'm so sorry you had to come home to that." She seemed to really be putting herself in his shoes as she was truly upset by the image of his return she was clearly imagining.

"Shhh, Rachel, you don't have anything to apologize for. It seems to me that most everything that happened last night was completely out of your control and what was in it you handled wonderfully." He reassured.

They lapsed into a comfortable silence for a while longer, but then it was Rachel that broke it again. Her voice practically a moan issued from the front of his shirt. "Tom, where have you been all this time?!"

He groaned. Yes, he knew it couldn't last, but at the same time this was not the time for long explanations, very expedited ones would have to suffice.

"God, Rachel, you don't know how much I tried to get back to you all so much sooner than this."

"I know you did, I know you must have…but why couldn't you? What happened, Tom? So many terrible things have gone through my mind all this time." Her voice was pleading.

"To be honest the bare bones of it isn't such an interesting story. Most of the action was over a long time ago. We won, we accomplished what we had too, what it was imperative we accomplish...but the cost was high." Ghosts passed his vision as he spoke about losses.

"When we lost communication? Way back then?" She questioned.

"Yeah, we more than just lost communication, Rachel…we lost the ship. The Nathan James is at the bottom of the ocean."

 _"_ _What?!"_ He just nodded against her head at her low but shocked exclamation.

"How?!" She queried in disbelief.

"It was deliberate in the end, there was too high a risk of loosing her and we knew we couldn't make it back on her…she was too damaged. So we arranged the final definitive battle never planning on her making it out…it was our element of surprise and it worked. They never suspected we would sink our own ship. And planning it from the start allowed us to save many…not all, but many."

Rachel was quiet for a long moment, taking in what he had told her, he was sure the loss of the James was something that was going to take time to 'sink' in, it had for all of them.

"Who was…" She didn't finish the sentence but Tom knew what she was asking.

"We lost twelve people, but I don't believe you knew any of them particularly well."

"The fault in that is mine. There shouldn't have been a person on the James that I took no time to get to know, not after so much time together." Her guilt was clear, he suspected that it even reached back to those original months in the arctic. He knew it still haunted her, what she had been forced to do. He had long since forgiven her, and he believed the crew had without exception too. But he wasn't sure she either entirely knew or accepted that truth.

"You were kind of busy, honey." He tried to reassure her. And she _had_ formed strong relationships with people from the James. Even he as Captain hadn't been able to get to know every single man and woman the way he would have preferred.

She didn't say anything in answer, but spoke her next question.

"So that all happened more nine months ago and you lost the James too, how did you get back?"

He gave out a hollow laugh. "With great difficulty, extremely cautiously and extremely slowly…as you are aware. We ended up slap bam in the middle of enemy territory. A newly depowered, thanks to us, enemy but a still dangerous enough and _extremely_ pissed off one. Our entire game plan after that was 'covert at all costs'. Quite simply we were a refugee party with virtually no defensive capabilities should we get ourselves into further trouble. After the sinking we had more people that weapons even!"

"I see." She was clearly picturing the unenviable situation he was describing. He didn't know she was wondering how the hell they had made it back at all after that.

"We eventually made it far enough on foot, scavenging what we needed as we went, and then eventually 'commandeering' the first of a few _barely_ seaworthy vessels. Several large chucks of time were frustratingly eaten up by just standing still…too say some of our rust buckets had some mechanical difficulties would be an understatement."

Silence as she took it all in.

"So that's what you've been trying to do this whole time, simply just get home?" She raised her head to look him in the eye.

"Yes, sweetheart that is all. I'm so sorry it took so long and I'm so sorry we couldn't contact… There were times when we did have the opportunity to try…but never in a remotely secure fashion. Rachel, I was the one that made the call for complete radio silence to protect the mission…I'm so sorry but I still believe that was the right call, we just had zero defensive capabilities should trouble find us before help did." He admitted.

"You did the right thing." She said after a pause. It was an unpleasant reality but it was true. It had got them all, _or_ _most of them_ , home and with their mission a success.

"Let's talk about something happier." Tom suggested, knowing only too well how easy it was to get lost in the 'what ifs' of the last ten months.

"Like what?" She asked.

"Well if it isn't too much to ask, perhaps you could tell me what my new daughters names are?" He was smiling but there was an edge of sadness in it, caused by the reality that his new children were at least a month old and this was a question he needed to ask…and regarded a decision he had had no input in.

But his wife smiled serenely, beautifully, up at him, and the sadness melted.

"I can do you one better than that. How would you like to meet them?"

* * *

 **TBC**


	24. Delayed Introductions

**War Bride - Chapter 24 – Delayed Introductions**

* * *

 **A/N:** Thank you for all so much for the support, I'm so glad people are enjoying these installments now that our wayward Captain has finally found his way home. :-)

* * *

"I would love that, but are you sure?"

"Of course I'm sure."

"I mean, are you ok? I can wait. Everyone is asleep right now, won't we wake the kids? The babies are in our bedroom aren't they?"

Rachel smiled at her husband's use of the term 'our bedroom', despite the fact that they had never shared it…or even been in it at the same time until this morning. It had been _his_ room and then he had left, only after that had she moved in and it had become _her_ room for the last ten months…hers and her babies for the last two, hers and _all_ her children's last night….but it had never been _theirs_.

She realized that would soon change, had already changed really…it was something she had imagined on many a cold grief ridden night in that room alone… She realized it was a wish she had began to let go of, a desire that was too painful to dream as the chances of its realization grew smaller and smaller with each passing day…but now he was back, standing in front of her and alive and unharmed. It was amazing.

She realized that she really was starting to come back to herself as she felt the strong urge to examine every inch of him…the doctor in her was waking up, that desire was purely her wishing to reassure herself that he was truly unharmed…but she knew the wife and the woman would soon desire something else from the action…once his physical health was assured.

Even as she was feeling more awake and aware with every moment that passed, despite her exhaustion, she was still mired in a certain degree of disbelief…despite now knowing what she was seeing was true…he was back, _he was actually back._

After all this time…

And he was going to finally meet him babies…

And her babies _would not_ have to grow up without a father…

And her husband was looking at her funny…

Oh…

Yep, she had gone off into her own world a little there. She drew herself back to the present…the amazingly joyous present.

She smiled at him in reassurance; now as eager as he to introduce her children to the man she bore them too. "The twins will wake for their next feeding very soon anyway and they'll then wake all the older children at the same time...an eventuality to try and avoid I think…just for a little while loner at least. It's best if I bring them downstairs before that."

He nodded his agreement. She moved to disentangle herself from him and put her words to actions.

He resisted releasing her.

"Are you sure you're ok? You don't' need help? You don't seem completely steady?" He asked worried.

She laughed a little. "That's because I'm not, Tom, and basically haven't been for several months, but you don't have to worry. I'm a mother now, if I lost the ability to be able to concentrate enough to tie my own shoe laces, instinct would still have me caring for my children correctly…they, and I, will be fine…I've had to get used to doing this alone, Tom, I'm pretty good at it by now." She assured him.

Again, he nodded, though more reluctantly and a bit sadly. She knew what he was thinking. That it was his fault she had had to do this alone all this time.

While a sad reality, his belief was only partially true, his absence may have been the reason, but that absence had not been his fault. Quite the contrary, he had done all in his power to return and he had succeeded, as he always did.

Only yesterday she had been telling herself she was the worst kind of fool for holding out any hope and now she couldn't comprehend how she had ever let her faith in him and his abilities slip at all.

She felt him slowly, reluctantly, release her and she slowly, _also reluctantly_ , allowed herself to be released…to more away…a difficult endeavor but one that she managed to accomplish when she thought about returning to him in just a few minutes and with the children she had bore him.

At first their gazes stayed locked, him staying in place by unspoken command, but eventually she was forced to break the connection to turn and make her way out of the room. She made her way upstairs fast, her energy seemingly renewed by the idea that this moment had finally arrived, that she would be able to introduce her darling angels to their father at last.

As she peaked into the still darkened room, she was glad for the silence that met her. As her eyes adjusted she saw that three sets of arms and limps were still pretty much exactly where they would have been left, only the space she had vacated had been filled. The three moving closer together in sleep…so cute.

Relieved to find the trio not yet showing any signs of waking, she made her way to the corner and the twin cots. Once there, close inspection _did_ show the beginning signs of wakefulness. Right on time. Bella's mouth of moving in a slow sucking rhythm and Sarah's little hands were grasping lethargically at nothing…though both still slept on… _for now._

With practiced skill, Rachel first wrapped a carrying scarf around herself and then lowered the sides of both cots. Down on her knees, she moved to pick up one girl, tuck her quickly into one side of the scarf and then repeated the action with her other little angel. She was thankful that both her little ones were well used to action and being carried like this, actually seemed to prefer it, so neither were disturbed too much and quickly settled against her comfortably.

Her children now firmly attached to her, only their little heads visible, she got up and quickly made her way out of the room, closing the door silently behind her. Thankfully her little angels remained still and silent through the endeavor.

With a loving glance at their angelic faces in the light of the hallway she took a moment to view the picture that she was about to present to her basically very sort time husband. She could only hope that he would see and be won over by the same mind-blowing vision of perfection that she saw when she looked down at her infant daughters.

With joyous anticipation she made her way downstairs. She may still have her doubts about her husband…particularly in regards to _their_ relationship, and she did still carried them about having these children without his knowledge also…but surely, _surely_ now that they were here, no matter how they had gotten here… _surely_ this moment could be nothing but a good one, surely he would love them no matter what…

 _Surely_ he would, it was who he was…

With that last self-reassurance, Rachel made her way back downstairs, her arms wrapped securely and protectively around her very precious cargo.

LSLSLS

 _Mother._

That was the word that suddenly and so appropriately sprang to Tom's mind when mere moments into his impatient pacing, waiting for him wife's return, she did, her arms wrapped around tiny twin bundles.

She looked every inch a _mother_ …like he had never seen her or even imagined, even when he had imagined this… _and he had imagined this._ But unlike his still amazing fantasies, the role had never fit her like the glove it was clear to him it did in reality.

She had a small cautious smile on her face as she approached him cradling her precious packages.

After what seemed like an eternity Rachel, his wife, was back, standing only a foot in front of him. Tom was able to simply look down and be struck with the vision he was never forget so long as he lived.

He remembered moments like this, two to be precise. The first moments he had seen his first two children after they had entered the world. But this was different somehow, just seemed heightened by so much. Not only was he experiencing the amazing phenomenon of the parent and child bond times two, but his every sense seemed heightened by all the events that had come before this one.

Not just the tribulations of the last ten months, though that was certainly a very large part it, but the world-shaking events of the last two years…and he and his wife's large part in those events.

All they had been through, all they had accomplished together…how was it possible to look at these two tiny faces in this moment and wholeheartedly believe that their finest creation of their acquaintance _had to be_ these two angels, and not saving the world all those times…

It didn't make a jot of sense, and yet it instantly stood as an absolute in Tom's mind. He was rendered utterly speechless but somehow knew that his wife was waiting for his response to the wondrous gifts she had presented him with. A quick glance up at her confirmed the postulation.

"They're amazing, Rachel." He could manage no more. Already he was sure the tears in his eyes must be apparent to her…and in the heaviness of his voice.

After his first more spiritual impressions, which was the male in him in instinctively recognizing and triumphantly baring witness to the existence of his offspring, the more rational human male had the opportunity to take in this new children too.

She hadn't been lying, they were so different. Amazing to know that they were truly twins, and yet it was clear that both he and his wife were represented in the little bundles she carried. He could only see their heads, even their eyes were still closed…though he noticed so small movements for the bundles, limps stretching and searching in sleep.

On her left, his wife held a beautiful miniature version of herself, a tiny brown haired and olive skinned angel…and on her right, a fair angel that reminded him so much of Sam when he was very small, and even old pictures of himself from the same age.

"Their names, Rachel?" He practically choked the question, another tear escaping. Tom couldn't bring himself to feel the weakness that would usually come from showing such emotion in front of another living person, nor could he possibly hold back the feeling, didn't want to, it was tightly intertwined in wondrous joy.

"This little one is Bella." She indicated to the baby cradled in her left arm. "And this little one…is Sarah." She spoke as she indicated down to her right.

"Sarah…after…?" He was shocked.

"Yeah…" She confirmed cautiously, seemingly unsure of his reaction to the news, she went on to ask. "Is that ok, Tom?"

He was silent along time. He realized Rachel looked worried but he was merely trying to get his overpowering emotions in check enough to respond to her, eventually he managed it.

"It's perfect, Rachel. They're names are perfect and _they_ are prefect… _so perfect_ …" He knew his voice still betrayed the vast emotion he was feeling, but again he didn't care.

He happily noticed his wife smile at him, matching joyous tears in her own eyes. He smiled in return and drew her and their tiny creations closer to him. For a long moment the four individuals merely silently relished the moment. The older parents in the glorious knowledge their wondrous place in the universe, and their slumbering offspring in the sublime innocence of the very young.

Yes, he would remember and hold dear this moment for the rest of his days, he wasn't sure any other moment could ever possibly match it.

* * *

 **TBC**


	25. Delayed Reunions

**War Bride - Chapter 25 – Delayed Reunions**

* * *

Their moment was broken by the very much expected restless sounds coming from her chest area. The girls had given their parents their small moment, but now all attention was to be back on them, thank you very much.

Their winges were still soft but Rachel got the message loud and clear.

"I need to feed them." And after their earlier incident he can't possibly have missed the fact that she meant _breastfeed_ them. She sure hand't forgotten, her wet singlet was stuck to her rather uncomfortably now.

"Can I help?" He asked after a moment.

She smiled. "I wish…but, actually can you…"

"Yes?" Tom's eagerness to help in any way he could, _belatedly_ , was clear.

As Rachel walked them back into the living room she cringed at the picture it presented.

"Umm, we can't do much with this mess right now but do you think you can find something to cover it...especially the floor…oh, and the couch, I will need to sit there to feed these two. I really don't want this to be the first thing the children see when they come downstairs… _especially Ava_. There are some old blankets in that chest over there." She pointed to a wooden chest in the corner and Tom rushed to do as she asked, aside from a desire to be helpful he seemed to wholeheartedly agree with her sentiment to not let this be the first thing any of the children saw this morning.

It was partially a selfish motivation too. He was hoping for something of a more joyous homecoming, and she knew that _he knew, sadly,_ that that had already been greatly overshadowed by Kelly's traumatic death in this very room just hours ago.

She watched as he hurriedly went to the chest she had indicated and first picked out the softest blanket and brought it back to the coach and covered it for her. She then watched as he quickly covered the large bloodstain on the carpet with the largest and oldest blanket he could find.

Rachel seated herself and then directed him to bring her the all-important cushions when it came to the endeavor of simultaneously feeding twins. Again he did, clearly still eager to help in any way he could…though also clearly feeling quite helpless and unsure of his actions, that was clear from his manner.

Her attention more fully turning to the buddle's she was wearing as their twin desires became more and more apparent, Rachel barely noticed her husband watching her every small action as she, without a trace of shame or embarrassment, lowered the top half of her singlet and bared both her breasts completely.

Though she did spare him a small glance and noticed her husband's eyebrows rise significantly at her action, and she wondered at the specific reason for the movement. Be it the physical change in her he was noticing or the lack of shame she had in revealing that change to him…they would have to come back to that later.

Again, she was able to accomplish this feat without help. Necessity had taught her as much, but it was certainly easier with another person, so she enlisted her bewildered but accommodating husband. Just as she had with Ava early this morning, she lifted both her babies and instructed her husband to arrange the cushions beneath them, she then lowered them in place and encouraged them to take what they desired. It didn't take them long, she was biased of course, but she really felt that she had two very smart and sensible little girls.

Rachel breathed out a sigh of relief as she felt her breasts start to empty, her children feeding happily…both feelings were pleasant ones she relished when all was going well. She knew she had been infinitely lucky this day, things could have gone far worse if the twins had picked up on her anxiety levels of the night before.

Of course, Rachel realized that her anxiety was greatly diminished _now_ …and the factor that had accomplished that feat was no mystery. In fact, she could easily imagine that some pretty heady endorphins could be making their way into her milk supply very soon. She smiled at the slightly naughty thought.

"What is it?" He questioned, clearly noticing her look.

"Nothing…it's just good, this is good…and you finally being back and here is _very_ good." She explained somewhat lamely, not really feeling able to probably vocalize her feelings more completely or accurately then that. Something they both had a long history of being quite bad at, and something that would both have to improve in the future, forcibly if need be...

He smiled and answered simply. "I feel the same, Rachel."

They sat exultant in companionable silence for several long moments, both of them just gazing down at their suckling infants like the besotted parents they were. But when a shriek was issued from the top of the stairs, Rachel knew the time for silence had ceased and was unlikely to return for sometime to come.

"Daddy!" It was Ashley. Rachel wasn't surprised, she was the early riser out of her and her brother and Ava had gotten so little sleep last night that she wouldn't to be surprised if she slept much later than normal…or rather she _wouldn't_ have been surprised _._ She doubted it would happen now, that had been one very high-pitched shriek.

The rising level of noise from upstairs, again confirmed her assessment, even as one brunette girl was exuberantly bounding down the stairs, Rachel could hear the sounds of murmurs and an opening door behind her. She was sure that neither of the remaining children would have missed Ashley's cry, though Sam would have been particularly attuned to it _and its meaning._

The quick appearance of the boy as he body slammed the wall after appearing from the hallway and then practically flung himself down the stairs confirmed this.

"Daddy! Daddy!" He yelled as Rachel cringed at the lack of care the boy was taking in his endeavor to make it to his returned father as quickly as possible.

"Sam! Careful!" She called. But it was a useless venture; the boy had already made it to the bottom of the stairs just as his sister made it to her father. Her much smaller body slamming into him with all the might she had, tears streaming down her face as she repeated his name over and over again like a mantra.

Rachel watched with tears in her own eyes as the motion was repeated seconds later and Sam bounded into his father. Tom, down on his knees by this point, joyously accepted his second child into his arms too, tears in his own eyes.

Rachel watched the remaining trio of the original family stay like that for long joyous moments, all were crying openly in their relieved elation at finding one another yet again. The children and the father verbally extoling how much they had missed one each other.

* * *

They stayed like that for a long time. It was clear that no one wanted to end the contact that they had been deprived of for so long and almost all along with the fear that that deprivation would be eternal.

"Daddy, where have you been?! _What happened?!"_ Tom smiled, that was his ever logical and demanding daughter…quite similarly traited to her stepmother actually.

"Oh, that is a long story, honey, and one for another time, but I'm back now. I got back to you all as soon as I could…I'm so sorry it took so long." He said against her hair.

He could tell she wasn't exactly satisfied with the explanation, as much as she _was_ with his presence.

"Is it over now? Can you stay with us _now_?" She asked pleadingly after a long pause and continued embrace.

"Yes, Daddy, can you stay? _Please!"_ Sam joined in, very much sharing his sisters sentiment but less likely to understand that if 'it' wasn't over, the answer might very well be no.

Tom let out a breath, holding both his children… _both his older children_ , tighter to him.

"Yes, guys, I'm staying now. You better be prepared, I don't think you guys have ever been stuck with me for so long, because the world would have to end… _again_ , for them to be able to drag me away from you now… ** _from all of you_**." He glanced meaningfully at his wife as she nursed his youngest children.

Seemingly reassured and very happily so, Ashley was the first to break their embrace in her excitement to share what she had clearly longed to share with him.

"Daddy! Did you see our new sisters!" His daughter cried in exuberance as she left him and jumped on the coach to his wife's left, staring down straight at his olive skinned little baby girl…Bella, he recalled was that ones name. He was unhappy with himself that the correct name for the correct twin had not come instantly to mind. But he also thought he should give himself a break as there was two of them and he had only be told their names a few minutes ago.

"I did see, Ashley." His tone held humor now. Of course he had seen them, they were right in front of him and sucking greedily at his wife's uncovered upper body. He couldn't have possibility missed anything about the very confronting sight before him. It made a shock-inducing picture. He was still fairly stunned by it…but as he grew more used to it, he comprehended that it was a very satisfying sight for him, _for more than one reason._

It was clear that it was not a picture that his older children were remotely unfamiliar with, nor did they seem remotely discomforted by it, especially Ashley. He watched as she stroked her baby sister's face with her finger, a mere inch from Rachel's nipple, all the while smiling a cooing at the tiny girl, and completely unfazed by the intimacy of the action or her proximity.

He held Sam a moment longer before urging the boy, who really didn't seem to want to disentangle himself from him, over to the couch and Rachel's other side. He took his seat with Sam still pressed against him.

He noticed his son did seem quiet though. Tom had the urge to hear him speak, to hear his thoughts on all the changes he had been absent from.

"What do you think of your new sisters, buddy?"

"They are good." The boy replied very basically. Tom smiled, as did his wife.

"Just good?" He questioned further.

"Yeah, I like them." Sam spoke seriously, as if providing an important verdict on the situation.

"Well I'm glad to hear that, buddy, they'll be sticking around awhile." He said with a laugh.

"I know, that's ok." He spoke with the innocence of the young. "I named _her_." Sam continued, pointed to the fairer baby suckling nearest to them.

"You named Sarah? After your Grandma?" Tom was surprised, but a glance at Rachel and her affirmative nod confirmed his son's assertion.

"And I named Bella!" Ashley chimed in excitedly. Again a surprised glance at his wife confirmed that his daughter spoke the truth and also apprised him of exactly how the event had gone down…his wife had allowed his older children to choose the names for his younger children.

She was amazing.

Tom couldn't even remember being so happy in recent memory… _perhaps ever_. As he had already realized, everything just seemed so very heightened now.

He sat there happily, enjoying the company of his now family of _six_. It was amazing that so much had changed in so short a time, though most of those changes were happily vastly for the positive. His two new little angels were proof of that. It was amazing how he could be so absolutely in love with two tiny little beings that he hadn't even known existed half an hour ago… Of course the giant covered bloodstain right in front of them was a reminder that _all_ was not, and had not, gone perfectly over his extended absence, but…

Wait…

Six…

The covered bloodstain…

 _Ava…_

Even as the shameful thought occurred, the realization that they had gotten so caught up in their reunions that they had forgotten the girl, he looked at his wife and realized that the same thought had occurred to her. Her head had turned and her gaze was sorrowfully pinned on a point at the top of the stairs. With guilt Tom knew exactly what he was going to see even before he turned, but turn he did.

And he saw just what he had expected, though the picture was still more potent in emotion than what his mind alone had conjured.

Ava was sitting at the top of the steps, holding herself back, just watching the happy family reunion…her eyes red with unshed tears. If that wasn't to provide a clear picture, the girl's too stiff posture and sorrowful visage said the rest and Tom cringed at his own thoughtlessness. Not only had they left the bereaved girl alone, right now he felt like they had practically rubbed her face in a happy reunion she was never have herself…and mere hours after she lost her last remaining family member far too young.

They needed to fix this, and as a newly minted but to be _permanent_ father figure to the girl…Tom decided that _he_ would fix this.

* * *

 **TBC**


	26. Ava - Part 1

**War Bride - Chapter 26 – Ava – Part 1**

* * *

He needed to go to her. He needed to talk to her…alone.

Of course, Tom knew his older children had missed him greatly and would have no desire to be separated, even by a short distance, so soon. But Tom reminded himself that he was now basically a father of five…a stunning change to occur inside of an hour! But he would thus have to get used to dividing his time to where it was most needed, and while his older children's need was not small, right now Ava's was far greater.

Giving her his complete attention right now was simply the right and only way to go…It needed to be him, felt right that it be him to go to her. Besides, it _did_ need to be now, the girl could not be allowed to wallow in this unwanted heartache a moment longer, and his wife was…occupied.

Two children firmly attached to her and not showing any signs of being done yet, another one hanging over her and the babies like it was commonly her place at such times and then there was Sam…still firming attached to _him_. Tom instinctively knew that his son was most at risk of feeling abandonment from what he needed to do now.

He hoped that both Sam and Ashley would understand that he needed to do this, even so soon after getting back and being reunited with them. He also hoped that giving Ava some of his valuable time on this day would help convince her that she _did_ now belong here. He was troubled by how she had deliberately held herself apart from them and simply sorrowfully watched their family reunion.

Of course, he still felt the strong need to be with his wife and spend time with her and have some _very_ much needed conversations with her. It had been so long, they had barely even been together when he left, despite being married, and she had spent the largest portion of the his absence bringing his children into the world! And providing an excellent home and family for his older ones. Yes, they really needed to talk.

He owed her so much and didn't think he could ever actually repay that debt…but he felt the strong urge to try. He knew it would not be now, or possibly even for a good while yet. At Ashley's first cry this morning he was sure they had both known that 'adult time' had well and truly ended for the foreseeable future. And he needed to remember how very exhausted Rachel was…running on fumes at this point.

When he was done with Ava and she was done with the babies he would encourage her to go back to bed…he was sure he could handle things while she did that…well, _badly_ he could…

The decision made, eye contact with his wife communicated both his plan and her returned acceptance of it, Tom made a move.

"Come on, buddy, I need to get up."

"No!" Sam held him tighter. Yeah, that had been predictable.

Tom sighed. "Come on Sammy, you'll be right here and I'll be right back…but Ava needs someone right now." He indicated for his son to cast his gaze where his was…at the top of the stairs. The boy did.

"I know last night was horrible for you guys, but Ava lost her Mother…she needs our support right now, can I go to her please, Sam? Can you stay here and watch over your sisters for me?" He appealed to his only son.

After a pause, his eyes not leaving Ava's dejected form, the boy nodded and released him, moving over to his three sisters and step-mother. Tom kissed the boys head in love and gratitude as he got up. As he passed Ashley he offered the exact same, and gratefully accepted gesture, and then made his way to the stairs.

He had hesitated upon passing Rachel, had felt the strong desire to lay a platonic… _for now_ …kiss on her also. Yet in that moment it had seemed such a casual and yet meaning loaded gesture. A gesture that had seemed inconsistent with the place they were at in their only just renewed and strangely executed relationship. They had mutually settled for a shared understanding smile after his small moment of awkward unsureness.

He considered the instinct that had made him _not_ kiss his wife…and he found himself lacking. He _should_ have kissed her. What type of a relationship did he have with the woman who had borne his children, made a home for him and his family and would be his companion for the rest his life? One where he was entirely comfortable devouring her mouth in a lust filled fog yet held himself back, unsure and uncomfortable, from showing his feelings in the quieter and a lot less sexual moments of life? That would have to be fixed, it was more than just a failing on his part…and far less than what Rachel deserved from him.

Yes, that was definitely something he would have to address, but as he made his way up the stairs he forced his full attention to return to Ava. The girl's sad eyes were on him now as he approached her. He judged that she seemed confused and even a little shocked by his approaching presence.

It wasn't his presence after being missing that was shocking to her, she had had enough time to process that. Its loud announcement had been what had woken her up so suddenly this morning. No, he would judge that his sudden attention solely on her, instead of his family downstairs, was the reason for her surprise.

Tom hesitated, he did think they needed to talk privately, but this girl was still unfamiliar enough to him that the idea of taking her back into one of the closest options, the bedrooms, didn't seem quite right.

He knew if Ava was to stay, if she was truly to eventually fulfill the same kind of place and role as Ashley in the family, it was something he would have to just get over. Its not like he would have any hesitation in being alone with _his daughter_ in her bedroom. If true equality in how he treated _all_ his children was the goal, which he could only assume it would be, this would have to be something that was worked on.

But they weren't there yet. He also had to remember that as much as he didn't know the girl well, neither did she know him well either. She could be made just as uncomfortable, or more, by him taking her into a bedroom alone.

The decision made, he held out his hand to lead her down the stairs. She looked at his hand but hesitated…unmoving, just staring.

"Come on, Honey, you can't stay up here alone. Come with me…please." He implored her.

She eventually moved, her hand outstretched slowly and took his. He guided her down the stairs. He saw the kind reassuring look that Rachel sent Ava, and he saw that Ava saw it too. He hoped that look acted as an endorsement of him and his actions…or at the very least a blessing. He believed that was so.

At the bottom of the stairs, instead of turning towards his family, the living room…and the covered blood, he turned them in the other direction towards the open study on the other side of the house. She did not protest or seem disturbed by what could easily have been an unexpected action. He was glad of it.

He sat first on the far side of the double sofa in the room and allowed Ava to take a seat after him…choosing exactly how close to him she was comfortable sitting. He was gratified when she did not put too much distance between them, it spoke to her relatively good level of comfort with him. It was definitely something he could work with.

The girl made no move to talk nor did he expect for a second that she would be the one to break the silence. He knew it needed to be him, though now that he was here he realized he was at a loss for what he could possibly say to the girl. A common reaction of anyone dealing with another person's grief and loss.

"Ava…I thought we should talk alone…firstly, I just want to say how sorry I am about your Mom."

Silence, a head dipping lower in grief, or to hide shedding tears…or both…he wasn't sure.

"Thank you." He heard ever so softly, followed by a sniff and an attempted covert wiping of eyes. That was his answer.

It was unsurprising that the girl wasn't offering much in means of giving to the conversation. Tom knew he would have to be ok with that, if she chose not to talk at this early hour of her newly orphaned existence. But there was still certain things that he felt it his duty to assure her of in the hopes if would take weight off her young, and yet too old, mind.

"I… _we_ actually, Rachel and I, also wanted you to know that your place is secure here. We both want you to stay with us, very much. We know you don't have anyone else now…but even if there were other options for you, other places for you to go, we would still like it if you _chose_ to stay with us, to join our family. Is that something you would like, Ava?"

He wasn't surprised when her answer was not immediate. He saw her considering, he saw her glance up at him…then she replied to him.

"I _do_ want to stay with Aunty Rachel…" _Aunty Rachel._ That surprised him. She still spoke quietly, so very formally. He was unused to it, but he knew it was her strong accent that was giving off a lot of that impression, but also a more formal upbringing too.

She continued. "And everyone else too, I do, but you have so many children now…I thought maybe there was no room for me here now." She spoke piteously.

Tom still wondered for a moment at the young girl's name for his wife. He didn't remember her ever referring to her as such. But he also knew he had not been witness to ever so many interactions between her and the young girl.

Unfortunately, the young girls newly deceased mother had been one of the factors that had made longer interactions, for both him and Rachel, something that he knew they had both avoided...but he sure as hell wasn't going to bring that up now!

Though he didn't let his mind focus long on such now trivialities. He moved to reassure and correct her erroneous supposition. "Ava, nothing could be further from the truth, more people just means more love to go around…and the physical space can be worked out easily enough, I don't think you and Ash would mind sharing a room?"

She nodded he was correct, she didn't mind, might even prefer it...and gave a small smile at his other clearly pleasing and relieving assurances.

Then he saw it. A dark shadow seemed to travel across her features and leave an even sadder child in its wake.

"Honey, what's wrong?" He hoped the question wasn't too stupid. He well new what was wrong with her in general, but his question had been about the specific reason for her now darkened and more sorrowful features…the unpleasant thought or memory that had risen to haunt her at that particular moment.

He watched her give him a sideways suspicious glace, clearly understanding the meaning of his question but trying to determine if he would answer honestly or not.

He hoped she would, that she would trust him, by her reaction just now Tom was all the more interested in the answer…he suspected it to actually be a very important factor in the girls current psyche and from her very hesitant to share demeanor, possibly a concern that could interfere with his endeavor to fully integrate her into his family. He hoped she would trust him now.

Eventually she did speak and what she said was not what he had been expecting at all…though he couldn't possibly plead confusion as to whom she was talking about...

"You didn't like him."

* * *

 **TBC**

* * *

 **A/N:** Yes, this chapter got away from me in both length and time spent, thus it is now a two parter, will get the second part finished and up tomorrow. :-)


	27. Ava - Part 2

**War Bride - Chapter 27 – Ava – Part 2**

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 **A/N:** I was serious, this segment got away from me. Just so much to say and cover, probably still more than I did. Even just this second part is the longest chapter I've posted for this story! Once again, thank you so much to my reviewers for their continuing support and encouragement, it is very much appreciated. :-)

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"You didn't like him."

It wasn't a question, just a simple statement and surprisingly not filled with the contempt he had expected such a claim to be marred by.

She was speaking of her father, of course… The late Dr. Quincy Tophet.

Tom sighed. "Honey, I didn't really know your Dad, we just worked together for a very short while and not even closely at that. The only time I did become more aware of him, he was…" Tom was at a loss for a nice way of referring to her father's deceptions… _plural_ …there had been more than one. They might be _understandable deceptions_ …in hindsight. Well, the first one more than the second…

"Causing trouble." Ava finished the sentence for him. That worked. Accurate, but still a kinder way of putting it. It also told Tom that the girl was at least basically aware of her father's actions prior to her arrival on the Nathan James.

How that had occurred he wasn't sure. He didn't think any of the parties involved…either her parents or Rachel would have been terribly likely to fill the girl in so completely. He could guess that Ruskov had bragged openly about the every crime he had gotten her father to commit in the beginning …that would likely explain her knowledge of that. Though how she knew about his second, _more independent_ , attempts to cause trouble on his ship, that was a mystery. Though crew scuttlebutt was where he would put his money.

The crew of a battleship were very unused to having children around, and Ava had been the lone child on his ship for a good while. He could well imagine, _now,_ that she had got some quality lurking in. He had heard himself that her parents had spent more time fighting then they had doing anything else…she had likely made herself scarce each and every time.

"Yeah, he caused trouble, but he had his reasons, Ava…some of them were very good reasons...I know that." The man was gone and the events in question were long past now in this fast moving world.

And now Tom found himself nearest to a father figure to the late man's daughter. He owned it to both of them, and frankly to history, that hindsight allow him to put all of the other man's actions in their more favorable light.

It was a much easier feat when he recalled the heroic way the man and died, and also when he remembered Qunicy's distraught words to him when he believed his family had perished...executed for his failure.

 ** _What would you have done?!_**

To this day Tom still couldn't say he was one hundred percent sure. He may have proceeded with his mission when the danger to his family was abstract and not extreme and imminent in nature…when there had still been the hope that what he was doing _actually had been_ the best thing for his family, as had turned out to be the case…for three of them at least.

But if it had been _his family_ on Ruskov's ship…? Would it even have been possible for him to show the same kind of restraint? To sign his whole families death warrants on what back then had been the thinnest thread of hope for the triumph success of the greater good?

The question was a conundrum of the highest order, as Tom knew he would absolutely never get his answer, lest he be in that terrible situation himself. And it was something he hoped against hope he would never even have to bear witness to again.

"I loved my Dad…a lot! He was a _really good_ person, even though I know nobody got to see that. He dedicated his whole life to helping people, just like Aunty Rachel. It makes me sad that he's remembered badly for what he did even though he only did it because he loved me…" Ava spoke firmly, though couldn't prevent a sob from escaping at the end of her speech.

Tom's heart broke for the girl. Everything she was saying was true. Her father had willingly joined Rachel's quest to save the world, _willingly left his family_ to try and accomplish their then lofty goal, right back in the beginning. It was just Ava and her mother being taken that had significantly derailed the role he was to go on to play and how he would be remembered after the apocalypse.

It also hadn't escaped Tom's attention that in Ava's grief over her second parent's loss, she had emotionally travelled back in time to the loss of the _first._ Tom was broken from his musing by the young girl pulling herself together and continuing.

"I loved my Mum a lot too, and I will miss her. I just don't have so much I can remember about her that was truly great like Daddy…In fact as much as I loved her... _and I did_ … _so much_ … I often didn't like her much, especially recently…" The girl's head dipped again in grief, and he would guess, also guilt at her admission.

Again, Tom sighed. It was always an unpleasant realization to learn that a much-lauded parent was actually very imperfect. And from his short acquaintance with the girl's mother he would have to unfortunately agree with her daughter's assessment of her character.

He had just never expected such a frank assessment of the woman coming from her daughter's lips so soon after her mothers passing. Wasn't this usually the point where the rose colored glasses came out and everything about the person started being viewed more prettily though the sorrow of knowing you were never to see that person again?

Apparently not in Ava's case. Though he realized he wasn't actually so surprised. He had already made the assessment that she was somewhat similar to his wife in this regard, and for more reasons than simply sharing a nationality. They were both holders of a logical intelligence…that he had seen both take out and use in moments of grief and distress. Though he knew his wife had a far longer history of dealing with her grief in this fashion, and it clearly worked for her though he couldn't bring himself to believe it was the healthier option, were better ones available…which he knew frequently _hadn't_ been. His wife had lived much of her live alone, he didn't know the details, but he knew it absolutely.

While Ava's situation might seem similar; been through so much and lost parents so young, Tom swore he would not allow it to have such an isolating effect on the young girl as he knew his wife's young traumas had had on her. Again, the specific's eluded him but he nonetheless knew they had existed. They were written all over the woman his wife now was.

He needed to speak, to reassure the girl. What she was saying might not be inaccurate, but none of it was what she needed to focus on right now, or ever, really…

"Ava, firstly I don't want you to worry about how your Dad is remembered, either in this house or out of it. I can assure you in both cases he is going to be remembered well…I plan to make sure of it. Yes, he may have handled things badly in the beginning, made his mistakes, but we all did in this. I want you to know that myself, Rachel and every person who was on the Nathan James remembers what he did in the end. He had already come a long way in redeeming himself by resuming his work on finding the cure, and by eventually laying down his life to protect that cure, and every life aboard the ship…he redeemed the rest. Ava, your Dad helped make the cure that saved the world and he died protecting that cure and saving lives…He _is_ a hero in this, and he will be remembered as such, just like every other person who fell in accomplishing our mission, you have my word."

The girl looked at him, making significant eye contact for an extended period. Judging the veracity of his words, no doubt. He could tell _she wanted_ to believe him, he hoped she would realize that she could.

After a long considering silence she gave a small tight smile and nodded in acceptance.

"And Mum?"

Tom sighed, Ava's analysis of her mother's character, particular in her dealing with her recent personal traumas, might be pretty accurate and not particularly complementary…but the young girl did not need to dwell on that at this point.

"Honey, your Mother was a good woman…" _Not_ spectacular. "…she loved you very much and she did _not_ deserve what happened to her. I plan to find this man who…you had been _staying with_ …" He tried to term the, what sounded like, very unhealthy and informal relationship, more palatably for the girl. "From what little Rachel was able to tell me it is clear that, at the very least, he needs to be found and called in to account for his actions."

He clearly saw as anger replaced sorrow in the young girls eyes. "He _does_ need that…he _did_ kill Mum…But you won't find him. He is a coward. When he ran away and left us here last night he was probably aiming to put as many states between him and us as possible. He certainly won't have gone back to the farm, we were only squatting their anyway…the owner's dead, like most people…no one who was left knew us well, we didn't mix much with the other people around… I don't even know his last name, he said it was Smith but I never believed it actually was…Mum didn't question it."

Tom was displeased by what Ava was telling him, it spoke of the man being a particularly antisocial and paranoid individual to start with. It was most likely that he had been running and hiding from something even _before_ he had committed his latest crime against Kelly. And Tom had gotten the impression that what he and Kelly had was far from a happy 'relationship'…if one called it that. So why on earth had she stayed with him for so long?

She and Ava had been so close this whole time. She could have simply left him and returned here. Why hadn't she? Embarrassment? He and Rachel were her only strong- _ish_ contacts here, and it was true her behavior towards both of them before she left had been less than stellar. But surely she would have known they both would have helped her still. And if she had known he was gone by then she still must have known that Rachel would have, even if just for her dear old friend and his daughters sake…

Yes, much of this was a mystery to Tom and he feared that it was now to remain so. He was not filled with confidence that he would be able to obtain any satisfactory answers now. Ava seemed to know little and the man in question did indeed sound like he was going to be extremely difficult to track down with so little to go on.

Interstate man hunts were not exactly what they had been in the old world…distance did indeed provide a large degree of safety these days. From those hunting you anyway, every corner you turned could very well provide a new threat. Tom had the uncharacteristically malevolent thought that he hoped the man ran into one… _soon._ That karma would get him even if the law couldn't.

There wasn't much more to be said on the topic, it wasn't something that he thought should be dwelled on awfully long at this particular juncture. And now holding more information, or rather _not_ holding it, he really didn't want to make promises to the girl about finding and bringing this man to justice…it really might _not_ be a possibility.

He changed the subject to something he did want to strongly communicate to Ava before their short-lived moments of solitude ended.

"Ava, I don't want you to think that I want to replace you Dad, anymore than Rachel wants to replace your Mom, they will always be your Mom and Dad. But both of us want you to know _absolutely_ …" In _this_ he felt comfortable speaking for his wife. "…that we are here for you and we do actually really _want_ you join our family and we do _really want_ to fill the roles of your parents as much as you will let us, as much as you are comfortable with." He spoke with deep feeling, hopefully conveying the truth of his words in those emotions.

"I don't know if that will be possible." Ava replied vaguely after a moments pause.

"I think it is…" Tom countered carefully. "I think it _very much_ is, the question is if it is what _you_ want?"

"I do." She said softly, her face downcast again as if the pronouncement was a supremely difficult one and she feared that there would be negative consequences from it.

"Then what's the problem, Ava? If we want you here and you want to be here? If we want to love you like our own and you are ok with that…?

"I do…I am…I just don't know if it's possible, if it can really be the same…maybe we shouldn't try… You have _real_ children… _four of them now_ …"

Tom exhaled a sigh of quiet sadness and frustration. The girl's current sense of self worth was not high…and there were adults in her life that had caused her current unenviable state.

He didn't bother questioning her use of the word 'real', he knew was she meant, _biological_ …and it was true that with the exception of her, all the children in this house were of his blood, but he had an excellent counterargument for her. _He_ had been the one to bring children into his relationship with Rachel, to his shame he had used them as a _reason_ for it, but _she_ had not brought any previous children into her marriage to him…until now.

"Ava, do you believe that Rachel loves Sam and Ashley any less because she did not give birth to them, as she did with Sarah and Bella?"

"No…" She said after a pause, he eyes drawing together in consideration.

"Then why do you believe I, or either of us, will love you less? Rachel has known you virtually since you were born after all, she's known my children less than two years, and only really come to know them well over the last ten months when I wasn't even here."

Ava remained silent but he had hopes that he had successfully communicated his message to her…or at least the first seeds of it. Hopefully they would grow and flourish in time, and with the right continued nourishment.

"Hey, I just realized we have something pretty big in common in this family, we both only just met the two newest additions …though technically you even met them before me, and I'm their father!" He smiled at her, trying to draw her into some more lighthearted musings, and also trying and cement in her mind her involvement in this family.

She gave him a short smile.

"They are beautiful." She said, and he felt a little like he was being placated, but he didn't care.

"I think so." He said proudly. "But I am biased, though actually I think you technically are too. They are _your sisters_ now after all."

She gave him a bit of a long-suffering smile now, and he got the feeling she thought he was laying it on a little think. But hey, he would prefer it if she found him to be the overly involved and embarrassing father figure, rather than an absent and uncaring one.

Tom thought he had accomplished about as much as was viable to hope for at this early time. He had reassured her as much as he could about her place here and about those things that she had shared were important to her. And he had got her mind to cast slightly onto a hopefully more pleasant future and briefly away from her terrible present.

"Should we go back to said beauties now? And their beautiful mother of course?"

Ava nodded. He didn't think she had found their little talk too arduous, but she seemed ready to end it and return to the others….and hopefully be comfortable enough to _join in_ with the rest of the family this time.

In the coming days and weeks he made a mental note that they needed to keep careful watch on Ava attempting to hold herself apart from the group. Some desire for solitude would only be natural after her loss. But they would need to pay close attention to make sure she was not doing it for any other reason and to make sure that it did not become a more long-term habit.

With that they both stood, Tom comfortably draping his hands over Ava's shoulders, Ava seeming content and comfortable in the gesture, and made their way into the living room, together.

* * *

 **TBC**


	28. Delayed Formalities

**War Bride - Chapter 28 – Delayed Formalities**

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A/N: Okay, so RL finally threw a great big (and very un-fun) roadblock in the path of my very lofty updating goals. Huge shock, I know! But anyway, on with the show…

* * *

Rachel watched Tom and Ava emerge from behind the stairs. It wasn't like she had been exactly worried about the two, but she had been curious how Tom would handle the situation. She was aware that Tom finally making his way home to them at this particular moment in time could well be termed as 'being thrown in the deep end'.

Rachel had already been pretty damn overwhelmed by events before her husband's practical return from the dead! She really wasn't sure if his return exactly now made things better or worse for everyone. Sure, it meant another adult around, a **huge** relief for the children…a more complicated relief for her…

Tom brought with him a whole other set of worries. Concerns that existed right along side her relief at his safe return.

Basically, Tom's return meant she could finally get answers to questions that had plagued her for near to a year. But that was a stressful notion in its self. What if she didn't like the answers?

Regardless, Rachel knew that this was not the time, though she knew the time would come very soon…perhaps as soon as _this night_.

Though there was a whole day to get through first…

She was so tired…

Looking at Tom and Ava returning now, Rachel happily deduced that it seemed their little talk had been fairly productive. Tom looked quite pleased with himself and Ava looked a lot less sullen than when they had both disappeared.

She continued to watch as her husband led their very newly and as yet unofficial adopted child over to her and the rest of their family. Sam and Ashley had been generally fine with their newly returned father's short absence, though she had still caught a fair few longing looks sent in the direction that the man himself had disappeared.

For the most part attention had stayed on the babies. Always favorite and pleasant time wasters for all…when they were quiet. When they were not they were all 'hers'…and their older siblings tended to make themselves scarce very quickly. It wasn't like they didn't try, but their patience was not infinite. She was sure as hell not going to let their father get away with such a convenient arrangement!

 _For better or worse_ …he had made that promise, regardless of how much meaning he had felt behind the words at the time.

She knew he meant the _dutifulness_ behind them, though at the time she had been the one imminently in for the 'worse' part...his danger ridden departure. A time when they might be together and putting action into those vows had seemed like a so very far and possibly even non-existent future...for both of them.

He couldn't exactly be blamed for not considering the long term practicing of those vows. But there would have to be some level of it now… _they had children together._

Sam and Ashley had spoken little, though what they had said had been very telling. Solely on the subject of their father's return of course, but it was the way they spoke of it. It was suddenly like all they had ever been doing was waiting for their father to come home after a long deployment...and now he had. Neither made the smallest suggestion that they had ever allowed the smallest amount of doubt to invade them.

He was always going to come home and now he had. Simple as that.

Rachel wasn't sure if their attitude spoke to the adaptability of children… _particularly military children_ , or a self-denial that could potentially be quite worrying in the long term.

For Tom's children hadn't just doubted that their father would return, they had started to accept that he _never would_ … And now it was like they were erasing that fear and that time from their minds…surely an impossibility?

Rachel worried about the lasting emotional fallout from their denial. It really wasn't like they could all just ignore what they had all been through this year. Neither could Tom for that matter.

Though it really wasn't like she could do much at this particular juncture. Switch realities they had, and she couldn't argue that their current new one, with their father safely home, was by far a preferable one. But the way they had handled his absence was probably something she had a duty to make Tom aware of…they were firstly _his_ children…

Of course, with that thought came another one. She sure hoped no one was going to dob her in for the same thing! Her dealing strategies over this last nine months…complete avoidance and denial…especially earlier on, couldn't exactly be termed the healthiest. Though she had done her best…

As she watched Tom return to the coach with Ava, their eyes met. She believed a comforting communication passed between them, that they were in this together…this very new combined parenting reality…she hoped that was true.

Tom returned to his place beside Sam, who immediately situated himself on his fathers lap, and drew Ava down to perch on his other side.

They made quite the picture, Rachel thought, all seven of them perched on the quite average size living room sofa. Luckily her little ones took up hardly any space at all, for Tom seemed to take up almost half of it by myself.

She ruminated that yesterday this sofa had seemed roomy with the whole family curled together on it…now it seemed tiny!

Of course _two_ additions were the reason for the change, but Tom was by far the biggest of them.

It did feel good, having everyone together like this…very good. Rachel couldn't exactly describe it, it was like the experience was both familiar and so very unfamiliar all at the same time. Lost in her more joyous pondering of having her new family really and finally together again…she had the urge to share it with the other adult in this newly realized family.

She wasn't even sure what she was going to say exactly, but she caught her husband's eye and opened her mouth…and then a loud knocking started at the door.

* * *

Tom cursed under his breath. They had been damn well having a moment! He was sure of it! His family, old and new, all together for the very first time. And all when the chances of that ever happening, of him ever making it back, had been very much in doubt.

Tom could guess what that knocking symbolized...a lengthy disruption to the more pleasant and positive directions thing had been heading.

The knocking could represent any number of people who would need to be placated that all was well after viewing the amount of blood that was on full display outside…whether they be shocked passers by or deliberately arrived authorities.

Tom had been planning on dealing with it after he got Rachel to get some rest…he knew he had Buckley's chance of that now! Besides, it did sound like the formalities of this incident were still outstanding and Rachel was the only one to deal with them…and Ava. He had regrettably been absent throughout.

With a heavy sigh he shared a look with Rachel that told him she had deduced exactly same as him. With a heavy sigh he shifted his son from his lap and moved to get up, but then he had seconds thoughts… He cast a meaningful gaze at his wife…or rather _her chest_ and raised a questioning eyebrow.

For the first time Tom could see how Sam and Ashley had become so comfortable with the sight of her feeding the babies. It was happening quickly for him, he had nearly forgotten her uncovered state. It was of course fine for her to do this so casually in the house with just family around, but surely she would not want him to let anyone else in the house when she was so exposed?

It was clear that she understood the reason for his hesitance. Without speaking she just pointed to a light shawl that was on a side table. He passed it to her and watched as she arranged the light piece of breathable cloth over the babies…and her chest.

Seeing that Rachel was clearly satisfied with her semi-covered state he went to answer the door. Whoever was on the other side was beginning to show signs of impatience, understandably…

* * *

Rachel watched Tom go to the door. It didn't matter who was on the other side, she really didn't want the children to have to go through the explanations that would be needed regardless. They were already all too aware of exactly what had happened last night...

She doubted she could prevent Ava from having to give a more formal statement for the events only she had been a witness to at some point, but that didn't need to be right this second.

"Guys, why don't you go upstairs and get dressed, hmm? Ashley, You won't mind finding something for Ava to wear will you? I'll be up soon to change these guys and then _afterwards_ we can come back down and make some breakfast, ok?"

She hoped they picked up on her only mildly subtle request to stay upstairs until that point.

Everyone nodded and was disappearing upstairs, though Ava at a slower more dejected pace, as Tom led two MP's into the living room.

The man and woman, who she vaguely knew from seeing around the base. She never thought she would live on what basically amounted to a military base…or be married to basically the head honcho of that base either…The pair didn't seem remotely shocked at her previously assumed to be deceased husband having opened the door for them, so Rachel could only assume that scuttlebutt was well and truly doing the rounds, even at this early hour.

The next twenty minutes passed in the predictably uncomfortable blur of reliving the angst of the night before. The children thankfully must have understood her request as they had not appeared back downstairs…though she could well believe they were somewhere close and not far from earshot.

Rachel was thankful to note at least the MP's did not seem to be trying to lay any blame or failure in her direction. Speaking with the other medics that had attended Kelly first had clearly helped them understand how piteous the situation had been from before Kelly had landed on her doorstep….and Rachel had backed up that assessment. It was her treatment after her 'accident' that had virtually assured her demise.

No, they were just attending to the formalities and trying to ascertain anything that could lead that to the boyfriend. Rachel and Tom both passed on what little Ava had shared with them, limited though it was. They of course wanted to talk to Ava herself...Rachel hesitated.

Part of her said the girl wasn't ready but the other part said that it would have to happen sometime soon and sooner meant it could be over and done with sooner…plus a better chance of catching the bastard…limited though it was, she knew that was what Ava would want.

She needed to take the babies upstairs anyway, they had finished and Bella was fussing while Sarah was falling back asleep. They did not always work on the same schedule, and now Rachel imminently needed to attend to both. And she was also really thirsty! She had missed her usual ritual of having a large glass of water next to her when she sat down to feed the twins.

"Stay here." She ordered the officers, earning a look from all of them, including her husband. She had picked up enough living this life, to know that no one, even an off duty admiral, wouldn't usually order on duty MP's around thusly. Well, she still wasn't military…and still never would be… _so there!_

"Tom, come with me, I'll attend to and settle the babies and then you can stay with all the children when I bring Ava down to give a _brief_ statement to the officers." She now directed her attention to the MP's "Understand? Brief? She watched her mother die last night and she has had all of a few hours sleep in the last twenty-four. This will _not_ be a prolonged interview, do you understand?" she spoke sternly, permitting no argument to her instructions.

The official pair hesitated and moment but then responded when twin 'Yes, mam's' Rachel smiled thinly. Tom raised his eyebrows, but didn't say anything.

All settled in Rachel's mind, she moved to carefully potion her girls back in the support of their sling, redress herself under the cover of the thin shawl, and stand. Only when she did that did Tom jump to action, a panicked look on his face as if he was expected his daughters to drop to the floor as she stood. She gave him a sardonic look and turned to leave the living room, not even sparing her husband a second look to see if he was following.

In the end she knew he had spoken some to the MP's before departing their presence. She had heard his voice as she had made her way upstairs and then she had been changing the babies when he had appeared in their bedroom. The other children were with her.

She had indeed found them at the top of the stairs but she had encouraged them to come with her to help. She had indeed enlisted Ashley's help immediately to get her a glass of water from the bathroom; she had downed it in a moment and asked for another.

When he appeared, all her physical attention was on her little girls but she was speaking to Ava who was sitting on the bed on the other side of the room. Rachel was trying to prepare the girl for the statement she needed to give, but also reassure her that it would not be overly long nor would she be alone.

As predicted the girl was not exactly anxious for the ordeal but had indeed agreed when Rachel had suggested that doing this quickly could help find the man. Though Rachel had been careful not to make the girl too hopeful. Tom's words to the MP's, facts Ava had shared with him, had made her even less optimistic that such an eventuality was very likely.

She completed all her task, aware that Tom was simply standing in the middle of the room watching and looking like he felt pretty useless. Sam and Ashley were perched on the bed with Ava, supported the girl who once again had tears appearing at the thought of having to relieve event once more.

Once done Rachel settled her girls in their cots as best she could and turned to all the older occupants of the room.

"Hopefully they won't cause you trouble, they have all their needs met up to present, but if they do Sam and Ashley are probably your best bets to occupy them, they know what they like."

She felt for Tom, at this juncture he was pretty useless. He just had so much to catch up on and it wouldn't happen overnight, let alone in an hour.

"And guys…" She continued, aiming her words at Sam and Ashley. "Let's try and avoid bringing the dummy's back out unless absolutely necessary, okay?"

Sam and Ashley both nodded in understanding and agreement but they noticed that their Dad looked confused again.

"She means the pacifiers. You will learn to translate some of the weird stuff she says." Sam informed his father matter-of-factly.

"Little rat." And she ruffled Sam's hair as she passed him and held out her hand to Ava. He smiled like it was an old and enjoyable joke. Tom looked even more lost.

Ava took her hand and with a last glance at a very out of his depth looking Tom, she left the room, closed the door behind her and made her way back downstairs with Ava.

This would not be pleasant but it was necessary and hopefully once it was done they could move on with the necessary healing of this family…on a few levels.

* * *

 **TBC**


	29. Parental Instincts

**War Bride - Chapter 29 – Parental Instincts**

* * *

Ava's recounting of events had gone better than it could have. Ava had been good at answering the MP's questions as fully as she could the first time so very little prompting had been required. When they had overstepped, in Rachel opinion, asking unnecessarily traumatic questions, a hard glare from her had had them retracting them fairly quickly.

In the end Ava had not been able to provide much more information then they had already told the officers. A better idea of locations the trio had lived this last year, but nowhere the despicable man was likely to ever return too. Information on any associates had been limited too, the man was a loner...and most likely a runner, even before all this.

If it had not been for his weakness in collecting a 'piece on the side' to satisfy his carnal desires on the road, he would have been leading a completely solitary life.

It would have been better for everyone if he could have just kept it in his pants. The man clearly hadn't been remotely able to actually care, either emotionally or practically, for a woman and her child. He never should have left town with them.

Once again Rachel questioned Kelly's sanity in being with the man. In running off with him. Could she have been so very desperate to get out of dodge after the way things had gone down that she had thought this guy was a good option?! She was _a mother_ for crying out loud! And Rachel understood what that meant even better now than she had then. Surely her default instinct should have been in protecting Ava first… _not herself…_ Surely her running had never held hope of accomplishing that?

The girl had contacts here. Friends, people who would _and had_ protected her with their lives…and Kelly had thrown that away.

Rachel didn't understand in the least. She had come to motherhood strangely. First suddenly, when she had technically become and stepmother, and then slowly as she had started to become an _actual_ mother to those she was already stepmother too, and then suddenly again when she had birthed her two little girls from her own body.

But even from the first Rachel knew her instincts had been to protect all her charges with her life. How could Kelly have made such a reckless choice that could easily have put Ava's life in danger instead of her own? _And all because she was too embarrassed to stay?_

When the MP's finally left Rachel let them just have a quiet moment, just the two of them. Ava was naturally upset but she had held it together well for the most part.

After assuring herself that Ava was as recovered as she could be in the small time they had, she retook the girl's hand and led her back upstairs to the rest of the family.

Rachel had not heard a peep from upstairs, though she wondered how much that meant. She opened and peeped in through the door. Tom was sitting on the far side of the bed, his children sitting close on either side of him. Only Tom's calm smooth tones drifting from the room. The corner cots were quiet and it would seem the girls had fallen back asleep. _She hoped…_

He was talking about the time he was gone, Sam and Ashley were listening in rapt attention. Rachel wasn't surprised, she knew there curiosity would not be stilled for long and having got their father alone for the first time Rachel could understand that the questions had quickly flowed…after more hugs she imagined.

Rachel had the thought of what was likely to happen when she and Tom were finally alone for the first time since his return. Alone and _not_ in fear of imminent interruption that is. Would it be tonight? Most likely… Would he want to share her, no… _their_ …room tonight? That was likely as well, it was his room too…

Rachel felt her heart start thumping harder in her chest at the thought. And it wasn't just lust…though that was very much present. There was also an element of fear to it, she wasn't sure she was ready to receive some of the answers she had been obsessing over for so long.

She had built herself up to someone who could keep going regardless of their answers… _because she had to_ , and she didn't think she had the option of ever knowing the real and true answers. She now realized there had been some benefit in that. She may not feel the exultation of knowing she possessed her husbands heart…but she didn't feel the wretched rejection of knowing she definitely _didn't_ hold it either…

Though after his earlier question, Rachel had to admit that there was still a small lingering part of her that was able to produce a small mouth-twitching smile at the thought of doling a little justice. After all, her husband was _all about_ crime and punishment…

However 'true' their marriage was, and however new she was to the institution, she knew that in the complex politics of marriage, her husband had _most definitely_ committed a crime and expulsion from the marriage bed for an indeterminate amount of time was the usual minimum response to that crime.

Some of the notion was attractive…mainly because it would buy her time. Though time she wasn't even sure she even wanted.

 _Oh God, she didn't even know what she wanted!_

Part of her dreaded the moment when they would have to talk about everything that took place near a year ago…and the true reasons why it had, **_his_** reasons. That part wanted to avoid him and that conversation like the plague now that it was upon her. But then part of her wanted to get some alone time happening pronto! So they could recommence their activities of earlier this morning…and complete them! He had flipped a long unused switch _on_ this morning…and he had neglected to turn it back off…it was still humming bright in her blood.

Deciding that one, her rumination were ill-timed and pointless, and two, to let the remaining trio of the 'original' family have their moment together, Rachel closed the door and spoke quietly to Ava.

"Why don't we give them a few minutes, we could get breakfast started, just the two of us, that sound alright?"

Ava nodded, and spoke. "I'll help…but I'm not very hungry."

Rachel's eyes softened. "I know, me either really, it's understandable, but let's both try to eat something, okay?"

Once again Ava nodded and the two of them made their way back down the stairs.

They had a pile of grilled toast ready when Tom appeared in the kitchen entry with a child of his on either side.

Rachel had known he would have heard her at the bedroom door earlier, thus she had felt no need to inform them that they were finished downstairs. He had probably heard the MP's drive away too.

Sam and Ashley immediately took their regular spots at the kitchen counter and started spreading their toast with their preferred toppings. Ava was nibbling on a plain piece, which had been all that she had wanted. Rachel had already downed a piece herself, the act of eating more of a perfunctory necessity that something to take any real time or thought in...especially right now.

Breastfeeding twins, she could no longer afford to continue her long practice of meal skipping, but that didn't mean she had changed who she was…and it still seemed to her that it was a ridiculously common cultural practice to waste an inordinate amount of time on the small necessary practice of providing bodies with fuel.

"Okay?" Tom asked her. She knew what he was asking with those few syllables… _a lot._ She nodded and asked the same in kind.

"You?" He hesitated, the discussion with Sam and Ashley had clearly been emotional too, but then he nodded, resolutely. It _would_ be ok, she translated. Maybe he had already noted that all was not fixed simply by his return. Good.

She never said the man didn't have good instincts, and he had clearly brought them out and used them for his children. She wondered how good those instincts would be when it came to _her._ She was both curious and terrified. She did not feel ready to be read like an open book by her husband…not _at all._

* * *

 **TBC**

* * *

 **A/N:** Hope you all liked! Going to take the weekend again, a bit behind where I would like to be right now, and that should give me time to get my updates a bit more comfortable again. Ciao! :-D


	30. First Day

**War Bride - Chapter 30 – First Day**

* * *

 **A/N:** Let's just go ahead and call that a long weekend… ;-P

* * *

The rest of the day passed in a blur for Rachel. The twins, having been comparable angels the morning and night before, had decided her respite was over and had been fussy all afternoon. Ava had stuck to her side like glue through all of it, seemingly not remotely put off by the little girls less endearing qualities…and bodily functions.

Sam and Ashley had stuck to _their father_ in the same way, very understandably. So for the most part she and Tom had been separated for most of the day also. Pulled in two different directions by the needs and agendas of more than two children. A situation they should probably get used to.

It wasn't like they hadn't talked at all, though most of that had been their co- conspiring on how to get the already overdue cleanup achieved while not involving the children, especially Ava, in any way.

In the end, Tom had taken the opportunity to cleanup outside while the children were occupied in the kitchen with breakfast. Not that any of them missed what he was doing. Sadly she even caught Ava flinching with the sounds of buckets of water being thrown over the porch.

And by the sounds of high-pitched worried voices that she had also heard coming from outside, she judged the cleanup had not been a moment too soon.

Though despite that Tom had managed to achieve the task quite quickly. She was slightly surprised, she would have thought that just his reappearance itself, sans the blood, would have taken more time to explain. Though he just returned and downed a cold piece of toast himself…not that he looked like he much felt like it either. The act was more about pretending all was well and setting a good example for the children, than it was hunger, she'd swear to that.

He said nothing about who had caught him in the act but the wave he gave her communicated that he had dealt with it. She was no more of a mind to discuss anyone's reaction to the blood covered front steps, or the necessary basic explanations he would have had to have given, in front of the children, so she let the topic slide.

The blood stained carpet naturally proved more of a mission...for a few reasons. Sam and Ashley had wanted to play with their father outside, having been denied the opportunity for so long, so Rachel had _heavily encouraged_ Ava to join them for a least a little while, and with a single glance at the living room Tom had known exactly why she was so keen to 'get rid' of the girl and had aided her in the endeavor.

He had acted like he was going to offer to help but a small shake of the head and he had reluctantly nodded. Understanding that just as when he had gone outside to wash away the blood from the front steps and she had stayed inside with the children, now she needed to clean inside, so he needed to take the children outside. Always one of them with the children, protecting them from the unpleasant thing, and one of them actually dealing with it.

Rachel hoped there wouldn't be too many 'unpleasant things' in the future, for as much as the plan to protect the children was the only way to go, she didn't like that it left the two of them divided and dealing with whatever it was on their own.

So after changing into civvies Tom had taken all three of the older children into the farthest end of the yard to kick around a ball. From the window Rachel had seen her husband try and include Ava as much as possible. He had formed two teams with her on his team…but she was a lackluster player at best. She did seem to try but neither her heart nor her skill was really in it. Rachel was unsurprised that any such sport was not an encouraged one for a young lady by the rules of how Ava had been being raised before all this.

Still, it bought her the time she needed and she had set to it with soap, water, rags and a scrubbing brush. Rachel had unfortunately had opportunity to clean up a lot of blood in her life and thus hadn't held much hope for the complete removal of the stains, or rather any at all.

The cleaning had simply been a necessary act for immediate sanitation. Removal of some of the carpeting, whether able to be replaced or not, would be the most likely thing to follow. Rachel swore that Ava would not continue to live in this house with any such stark reminder of the tragedy that befell her here.

When she had accomplished all she could, Rachel placed old dry towels over the reduced stains to help dry them…and also continue to hide them.

That had been when the twins had loudly and fussily awoken from there all of an hour-long nap. Rachel had rushed to them and Ava had joined her not long later, saying she was tired. Rachel could well believe it, but she knew it was more of an emotional than a physical tiredness. She could also well imagine that the amount of unrestrained joy she was hearing from the backyard was a little hard to stomach in her current aggrieved state.

It was a simple truth that while the events of the night before had been traumatic for Sam and Ashley, it had naturally not affected them nearly as badly as it had Ava. And their father's return had basically brought them completely out of most of their residual sorrow that morning. So now they were both at an infinitely different stage than Ava was.

Rachel had simply acknowledged Ava and allowed her to help her, where she could, or simply stay near her when she couldn't. She even held and crying Bella for a while, when both little girls were going at it.

Tom had poked his head in the bedroom door an hour or so later, obviously drawn by the mournful sounds that would have greeted him the moment he stepped back into the house.

The man had looked positively anxious about the sounds that were doubly emanating from the girls. He had made sounds that she translated as offers to help, but she had just shaken her head and told him to give his older children his time today.

After a long considering pause he had nodded. Before leaving he had asked Ava if she would like to return to play with them, he had offered to let her pick something that was more of her pace. He had suggested a board or card game, but she had politely declined.

Tom had looked doubly worried when the girl had opted to remain in the company of bawling infants rather than escape and play with other children. But Ava had been adamant and Rachel had waved her husband off, saying that the four of them were indeed fine on their own for a while. Again he had hesitated, not for the first or last time feeling like he was being pulled in different and opposing directions of duty, she guessed. But again he eventually merely nodded and with a last connection and their gazes, ducked back out the door and closed it behind him.

The rest of the day had passed thusly, Tom spending most of his time with his frankly over excited older children and the more subdued Rachel and Ava, tending to the needs of the less than subdued Bella and Sarah.

The full septet had still come together for meals, prepared by her and Ava, though very simply.

Though still not achieving a moment alone, Rachel had asked Tom covertly, if he had any other commitments today. Covertly because she knew such a suggestion would be met very unenthusiastically by Sam and Ashley. But he had understood what she meant. That surely something in the way of a debrief was needed from him after his long absence. Just as it had been needed from them after the events of the night before. She knew he had wasted no time in getting here this morning so surely more formalities were due to intrude on them any second?

He had just spoken one word, resolutely.

"Tomorrow."

She nodded. "Same." She replied. When he looked confused she elaborated with a single additional word.

"Arrangements." She explained and he glanced at Ava's far too correct posture, and nodded sadly.

Yes, that was just it. This wasn't over yet, they all had a funeral to attend in their very near future. But before even tomorrow could come, she would have to get through tonight…

* * *

 **TBC**


	31. First Night - Part 1

**War Bride – Chapter 31 – First Night – Part 1**

* * *

 **A/N:** This story has started fighting me a bit. I'm still giving it the same attention every day, but sometimes a day's attention is _not_ rewarded with a new ready to post installment. I'm working on the problem. Your patience is appreciated. :-)

* * *

Eventually the time came, the long seemingly endless day did end and she and Tom now stood alone together in the stark silence of their now shared bedroom. Well, they were as alone as they were going to get with two sleeping infants tucked away in the corner of the room. _Their_ sleeping infants… The two were finally fast asleep after sleeping much less than usual that afternoon, so Rachel had hopes that they had well and truly tired themselves out and that this nights rest would prove that.

The older children had only just fallen asleep, as evidence by their last check of all three of them before they had entered their bedroom themselves. It was late, later than Sam and Ashley's usual bedtime. Rachel didn't know how they had managed to stay awake for so long, not after the night before. The excitement of seeing their father had provided them their seemingly endless energy, she guessed.

Whereas both she and Ava had used one of the small intervals the twins had finally fallen asleep at the same time to completely kip out themselves. Which was the only reason she had made it through the day, and of course a necessity for Ava after her trauma and sleep deprivation of the night before…and she suspected many nights prior.

And Rachel knew Tom had caught them too. He must have popped his head in as they slept, as he had done several times that day. Each time he had offered help and each time she had told him to spend the day with his very lively and excited children, neither she nor Ava, for some same, and some different reasons, were fit to join in. But later he had asked her if she had a good sleep so she knew she had been caught.

Not that he had been trying to make her feel bad about it, she was sure. It was just an old habit to never reveal the slightest weakness. That was the only excuse she could think of to reason her face flushing at his words...and her hackles rising slightly.

Sam and Ashley had fought their bedtime with all their might…despite their yawns. It was as if they were afraid to go to sleep and wake up to discover that the day had all been a dream and their father was not returned to them after all. But eventually they could not hold out. Bribed with every longtime nighttime ritual she suspected they would both soon be claiming they were too old for again, Tom eventually got them both down, and Ava too…in a newly appeared bed.

Upon waking she had learned that one of the tasks that had occupied the trio that day had been the rearranging of Ashley's room. They must have gone about it very quietly. More for the finally sleeping twins sake then for theirs, she guessed, but a desk had been removed and a second bed, _Jed's old bed_ , had been installed in the room.

Neither Ashley or Ava had seemed to mind the arrangement; Tom had quietly confided that Ashley had suggested it… _after_ he had let them all down and told them that they couldn't all share 'Rachel's bed' again that night.

Rachel had blushed again, even though she hadn't been positive how to interpret his words. Of course the first thought that had entered her mind was that he intended for _them_ to be sharing the bed…and that they might be _occupied_. But he could simply have thought it better for his children to sleep in their own beds now that their immediate trauma was over.

But now everyone was indeed abed and asleep, the twins included, for the first time since he had woken her delirious self this morning. And she didn't know what to do. She just stood there now upon entering the room with Tom, him shutting the door behind them. The first sure sign she had that he intended to share the room…and the bed, with her this night.

They had been purposeful in their duties all day. The deeds that needed to get done, the care of the children, the friends to both placate over recent tragedies and allow to rejoice over almost simultaneous good fortune.

Tom had handled most of the later as briefly as he could, and mostly by telephone too. People largely understanding, after their initial fears were allayed and well wishes conveyed, that this time needed to be theirs.

Even her and Ava's nap could be termed as a necessary task that needed to be struck off the to do list of the day…but now here she stood completely purposeless and absolutely at a loss for what to possibly do or say from this point on.

She realized that the children had been excellent distractions and buffers that allowed them to communicate safely and without worry…so many things off limits. But now they were free to unleash both their words and their deeds… _within reason_.

The volume of both would need to be kept to a minimum for the sake of _all_ the smaller ears in the vicinity…but it was as free a situation as they were ever going to be in for a good long while.

And Rachel took advantage of that fact by doing a terrific impression of a dear caught in oncoming headlights, mumbling something that was unintelligible even to her own ears, running into the adjoining bathroom and locking the door behind her.

 _Coward._

It was what she was, though not what she had made a conscious decision to be. She had merely acted, or _reacted_ , and that action had left her locked in a bathroom alone when her long feared dead, but miraculously returned alive, husband was just on the other side of the thin internal door... _and she was hiding from him._

Yep.

Total weakling.

She could easily take on any number of global crises with perfect composure, but _this_ …this sent her running for the hills...or rather, the bathroom.

Perfect, just bloody perfect.

Because she realized she had already been in here for several minutes and probably suspicious silently at that, she started moving. It would be just too embarrassing if it were _completely obvious_ that she had only been hiding in here when she eventually had to emerge. Did she have to emerge? Yes. Maybe he would be asleep already? Unlikely…

She had briefly seen his shocked features as she had flashed by him in her solo game of hide and… _just hide._ That did not look like that face of a man who would just shrug his shoulders, think better luck next time and go to sleep himself. Such an uncaring reaction wasn't really in the man's nature to start with and he had looked infinitely more determined than that…he _always_ looked more determined than that.

The man was never _not_ on a mission. And Rachel got the distinct impression that from the moment that bedroom door closed she became his _entire_ mission. And it was the feeling of all that mental energy focused entirely on her that had triggered her fight or flight response…she was sure of it.

Obviously this was one of the few situations where she was predisposed to _flight_ …but she couldn't flee forever, or even very far at all…

When she had wasted about as much time as she reasonably could, _at quite a stretch_ , she reemergeI'm d, toweling her damp hair, trying to act as fake natural as was possible and looking absolutely everywhere accept the bed where she presumed Tom would be. But she presumed wrong and she should have known it too. He wasn't near _their_ bed, he was standing over the twins beds… _of course_.

Where else would he be? They were his newly discovered children and circumstances and other priorities had not allowed him to spend much time with them at all today. Rachel felt both relieved and foolish that she had thought this time would be all about them _...about her._

She felt much of the reflexive fight draining out of her. The subject of her little ones, though not an entirely safe and uncomplicated topic, was an infinitely safer and _less_ complicated one than the topic of _them._

The protective mama in her wanted her babies to have and be loved by their papa…but the man could do nothing, even at his possible worst, to in any way hinder her love and fierce protection of them.

Whereas the woman in her, the woman who protected a delicate and barely shielded heart, she did not feel nearly so invincible. Down right vulnerable actually…especially to him.

* * *

 **TBC**


	32. First Night - Part 2

**War Bride - Chapter 32 – First Night - Part 2**

* * *

 **A/N:** I did warn you all, it's fighting me, but at last I got this part out. I am officially no longer promising daily updates. It was good for all of us while it lasted but my original goal was actually to go for 30 days like that and I basically did, and am quite proud of the accomplishment. However, after that, when this story got longer than I originally anticipated, _that_ was where I tripped myself up. Fear not, work is continuing, but at a less utterly ridiculous pace. ;-P

I also admit to being a little distracted by another project, a joint project that Acalanto and I have been working on for a while. First chapter of our Tom/Rachel story 'Rebecca', published under our new joint account of 'IfUknew . Acaclanto' is also going up now and I urge you all to check it out. :-)

* * *

He heard her emerge from the bathroom. Of course did, he had been waiting for her, and the sound of the metal lock disengaging had been a loud boon suddenly echoing in the silence. One that was also a cruel reminder that she had felt the need to not only run, escape and close the door to him in the first place, but lock it too.

Tom did not turn. He forced himself not to.

It was true that he was absolutely enchanted with the little babes before him… _his babes_ …who were sleeping peacefully like the little angels he knew they had _not_ been this afternoon for their mother. But more importantly he wanted to give that mother time. Time to come to him, to make the first approach.

He was no fool, he had seen the panic in Rachel's eyes when they had finally been alone, and it was very depressing for him. As much as he had enjoyed spending time with his older children this day, _he had been yearning for this night,_ for finally having the chance to hopefully begin to fix things with Rachel… _his errors_ … and if the gods were merciful be allowed to hold her in his arms once more…even if holding her was all she allowed, he knew he deserved no more.

But that didn't matter. Tonight long deprived contact was all he wanted, the very height of his fervent desires.

It had been disheartening, upon her fast departure into the bathroom, to realize that yearning was apparently a very long way from how Rachel must have been approaching this night alone… _or nearly alone_ …with him. Dreading seemed like a word a little more appropriate judging by how quickly she had made her exit. How terrified she had looked, and how long she had kept herself sequestered away from him.

After a time he had considered going to bed without speaking to her, sure that that was actually what she must be waiting for. But he simply couldn't just ignore her discomfort so. And even if he was to consider it, then the question was raised as to where he should sleep?

If she was really so unnerved by the prospect of being alone with him, then the idea of sleeping beside him would hardly made it better. So it was only right that he made the offer of _not_ being alone with her this night… _of not sharing the bed._ The same bed he had so long longed to share with her. He wanted it so. He had long dreamed of it, had kept himself warm and hopeful with the merged fantasy of their wedding night and his own memories of this room. The room where he knew her to be, hopefully happily, residing in.

But the effect would be ruined if he received the slightest hint that she was not comfortable with his presence here. It was her room now, and he knew too much had passed. And he knew much of it could be blamed on his own errors both ten months ago and as recently as this morning, to simply assume he would be welcomed back with opened arms.

Of course she had welcomed him back with open arms _this morning_ , but that had been in the heat a moment of utter shock and elation after realizing he was not in fact dead, and of course _before_ his aforementioned complete mental _and verbal_ fuck up.

He definitely couldn't assume they could pick back up exactly where they had left off...either ten months ago – _wherever that had been_ – or this morning. He sill didn't know where his mind had been when he had spoken those words. His good sense had obviously gone completely and utterly AWOL in his moments of pure unadulterated shock.

He wondered at the exact reason for _her_ panic when they had entered the bedroom. His mistakes of nearly a year ago? Or those of this day? Or both? Yeah, probably both… He sighed.

Not for the first time, either back then or this whole day long, he felt his mind scream at him to 'fix this!' But not only did he very highly doubt it would be so simple, he also wondered if this was the time.

That was such a common feature in their relationship thus far, _or rather the problems_ in their relationship thus far.

Time.

Back at the beginning there had not been nearly enough of it…so mistakes where made. Then there had been too much of it, and they had both been left to dwell in the aftermath of those mistakes for far too long. Then this day seemed a return to those few days of not enough time. His attentions being drawn in so many other directions that practically nothing was left for his wife…the one he had left the most neglected in all this.

He was very aware that her natural fierce independence put her in the position of basically never _absolutely needing_ help…and certainly never asking for it. But back in the early days of the virus on the Nathan James he had both identified this and sworn he would not allow it to mean she never got the help she wouldn't admit that she did need.

Now he was taking stock of exactly how badly he had failed to fulfill the tenets of his own command.

So a large part of him wanted to take what very much seemed like it could be a rare opportunity to work through some things. Leaving them only seemed to make them worse, and assuming there would be time in the near future had been an assumption that had proved very false a time or two. You never knew the future, it was best to live in the present.

That was in fact what he had done ten months ago and he didn't regret the action, just wished his functional ability to execute it had been better. Or better yet, that they had never been put in such a hapless situation to start with. But that was the most futile of all futile wishes.

Who on earth could possibly have predicted all that the last years had brought, and who would not wish it had been different, despite the few good things that may have come along with the unholy number of tragedies.

His urge to handle this situation right here and now was strong. It was the man of action in him, but in the aftermath of so much, was it really right to force a conversation his wife truly seemed not to want to have?

Behind him he didn't believe Rachel had moved, he hadn't heard her, and to say he was _attuned_ to her was an understatement…obsessed might be a more appropriate word.

Right now there were only two others able to garner his attention, and they did, and again he was struck with how much had changed in his absence. Literally the creation of these little angels had occurred.

His daughters…he had three daughters now… _four_ …heaven help him in a couple of years. And he imagined that they would no sooner have Ashley and Ava over the very feminine brand of teenage angst and settled in young womanhood before it would all be begging again.

Yes, heaven help him… _them_. At least he sure hoped they would still be a 'them' at that future time. There was no doubt it would be true if the decision rested entirely on him. No force could part him from her now that he finally had her again…but where she rested on the subject was something he was growing more and more afraid of, by first her flight and now her continued silence.

Was she scared to talk because she knew he would not like what she had to say? A disastrous death knell for their relationship, an axe that unbeknownst to him was hanging, and she was trying to hold onto until it could be allowed to fall in the nicest possible way... _for him_. He pleaded to the ether, or whoever may be listening, for that _not_ to be so. It _couldn't_ be so…

"Tom." She spoke quietly from behind him.

Yes, finally she made the first move. While his daughters made a beautiful sight, keeping his back turned to give their mother her apparently needed privacy had been just about killing him.

And was it just him, or was her voice akin to that of a small child's? Like he had never heard her speak before… So much vulnerability able to be detected, even without seeing her face.

Tom was learning that the woman he had married had a whole lot more sides than many knew. Even some that might not seem the most positive, but rather than be disenchanted with a single one of these new sides of her, he counted himself lucky that she was allowing him to see them…or hear them in this case.

It gave him increased hope, hope that thankfully acted to counteract his increased doubt due to other factors. She really was letting him see her, allowing the fall of bricks from walls. Though he did wonder if the highly emotiveness of all this even allowed her to prevent it.

No. She could prevent it. The woman was a master of hiding behind a, not uncaring, but very reserved façade. An unenviable talent honed over a lifetime of hiding from a harsh world that young experiences had taught her could hurt her if she revealed her true highly feeling self to it.

The real her. The woman, who despite her unparalleled public appearance, was not always strong nd invincible before _all_ obstacles. And it was clear the 'emotional stuff' was definitely where her public façade was the hardest to maintain. Though he believed and was grateful that she seemed to try and keep _those particular_ walls up less when it was just the two of them.

But she was still so reticent to speak to him, and at a time when words never more needed to be said… _whatever they were_. There had been too long a time without the ability to say them and now their relationship was akin to barren drought ridden plane…though one that he firmly believed could quickly flourish back with renewed life if fed with the flood of a relationship truly renewed in every way…primarily and before all else, by saying he long un-communicated words…and _hopefully_ reassured _one-another_ that **_forward_** and ** _together_** was the way they both wanted to travel more than anything else in the world.

But she was so reticent, and he believed he rightly deduced that it was the subject of _anything_ emotional, and particularly _them_ , that she was most afraid of.

It made for predictable difficulties in navigating the very personal interactions ahead, a scary thought with so much at stake. But he could _not_ lose her.

With another silent appeal to the ether, this one begging to not let _him_ screw this up again, he turned to meet the gaze of his timid looking wife.

* * *

"Are you ok?" The question was Tom's first words to her since they had entered the bedroom together…not that she had given him a lot of opportunity, and of course she had to admit she had given him a lot of cause to ask that particular question.

Coherent words apparently still escaping her, she just nodded.

He acknowledged her answer but didn't say anything further at first, he seemed to be carefully considering his next words. Words that shocked her when he eventually did speak them.

"Rachel…should I sleep on the couch tonight?" His tone and whole demeanor so wretched as he asked the question.

"What? _No!_...I mean, do you want to sleep on the couch?" Ok, she knew she had given _way_ _too much_ away with that instinctive response. Technically, the idea of a little couch time _should not_ be so shocking after his particular offence this morning. But now that he had put the option firmly on the table…she found she couldn't stomach it…not for a second. She might be scared witless of moving forward, but that didn't mean she wanted them to start moving backwards.

"Of course I don't, Rachel. But I can tell you aren't comfortable with me here either…"

"It's not that." She interrupted, her demeanor abashed that he had so clearly observed such. She was ashamed to admit _to herself_ that it was not so far from the truth.

"Then what is it, Rachel? I hate feeling like I am making you endure my presence here in what I know is now your space. If you don't want me to leave, please tell me what's wrong so I cant try and fix it?" His voice was pleading.

"I…" She considered it. She really did, she measured the notion of opening up that can of worms that would probably mean neither of them would get a wink if sleep before the sun arose once more...and they wouldn't be feeling terribly cheerful then, at least she feared _she_ wouldn't. The thought made her feel suddenly bone weary, and that was a very good and viable excuse…she was not petrified of this conversation of anything.

No, certainly not anything like that.

Not being a total coward or anything.

"I…I…I'm really just really tired, Tom. It's been a very long day…and night." And that part was the absolute truth. However right now, while she might well be weary, _largely emotionally so_ , she actually was not particularly tired. That part was a lie.

She watched Tom watch her, study her. She judged that he was not entirely convinced by her words… _damn him and his intuition_! But before too long she saw the evidence on his features when he decided to give her the benefit of the doubt and let it lie…for now.

"Ok, I'm sorry, Honey. I know it has been a long day, _longer for you._ If you are sure you're comfortable with me here, we can just go to bed." It wasn't _exactly_ a question but nonetheless he paused looking at her and she could tell her confirmation was requirement before he would move…towards either her or _their_ bed.

She nodded resolutely, if a little wide eyed.

"Ok, why don't you get in bed then, I'll just clean up quickly in the bathroom, I won't be long." And with that he walked passed her, though still maintaining a certain personal space, for her benefit rather than his own, she was sure.

And of course he needed the bathroom! She had hogging it for an embarrassing who knows how long. Trying to literally shake the embarrassment off her, _an embarrassing habit in it self_ , once the door closed behind her Rachel did a little dance at how stilted and terrible that conversation had gone…and definitely all her fears to blame this time.

He had tried, _really tried_ , best behavior actually.

She would guess that he was currently running his words through a particularly rigorous mental filter after this morning's complete failure to do as much.

A small smile managed to grace her features, despite her fears and the long-term seriousness of their current situation. His behavior had been very endearing actually. He had apologized of course, but like so many other situations, it was always the actions that spoke louder than words, and he was clearly trying to apologize with his actions. Primarily, making sure he never stuffed up so large ever again.

Hearing the shower turn on in the bathroom, Rachel made quick work of quietly checking the babies, turning off the light and then crawling into…wait, she actually didn't know which side of the bed to sleep on now.

Spending so much of her life _not_ a member of a couple, she was a complete bed hog. She currently didn't sleep on either side, she slept in the middle, and moved freely throughout the night…very freely, _too freely_ she now realized...

But regardless, she now needed to choose a side.

The memory of their single night together in that hotel room nearly a year ago didn't provide her with any clues. It wasn't like she didn't recall, she recalled everything very well, but there had been no discernable preference of sides. Truthfully they had swapped sides several times…in all the ' _action'_. But for the most part they had been in the middle…both of them…together… _very together._

She felt herself grow flushed as the sensual memory swept over her. She didn't fight it, things might be imperfect right now but this was the first time in a very long time when she could allow herself to bathe in that particular memory without it being followed with a feeling of sorrow and loss.

For so long she had not been able to truly enjoy the memory of that night without forcibly remembering the harsh _likely_ reality of his fate. But she had _not_ in fact lost him, not physically at least. He was just in the next room…

But would Tom have a side preference now? And if so, would it be the same side he had held when he slept with his wife? His _first_ wife… Or would he deliberately prefer the _oth_ er side, so as not to be reminded of such? Could she really ask him that? Did the side of the bed really matter anyway?

Feeling like she was going to drive herself insane over the sudden dilemma, she did what Dr. Rachel Scott had done so many times before when faced with an emotionally linked quandary, she reverted to completely analytical scientific rational.

And again it worked. Immediately she calmed, the decision now easily made, _so easy_ that she wondered why she had allowed herself to stress about it at all. She simply crawled into the side of the bed closest to _her babies._

Now Tom couldn't argue with that! She was a breastfeeding mother, of course she slept closest to her babies. And she did _not_ want to know what side of the bed he had slept on with his wife, _his first wife_. She _just didn't._

As non-rational as she knew that was.

When she heard the water in the bathroom shut off a second later she knew two things absolutely. One, Tom had been serious about being quick in the bathroom, _making up for her extended stay most likely._ And two, she had spent _way too much time_ contemplating and stressing over how to get into their damn bed.

So much for her plan to be asleep, or be able to give a really good impression of it, before he exited the bathroom.

He did before too long and Rachel was unable to prevent herself from looking, peeking out from behind covers pulled up high. She didn't think he would be able to easily see her in the darkness. She however, was able to make out his form from the harsh lighting streaming in from the bathroom very easily…and her eyes went wide as she watched him exit the room wearing nothing but a towel that was hanging very low around his waist.

Again, _of course_ , he had not taken anything into the bathroom to change into. And now as she watched him hesitate in front of a chest of drawers beside the still open bathroom door, she realized that he wasn't even sure if he would open them and find any of his belongings there anymore. And he didn't seem to want to open the drawers and find out either; he just stood there and stared at them.

The self-conscious action, or rather inaction, was revealing to Rachel…and endearing. A vulnerability, a fear he had not admitted to with words. All he had to do was open the drawers and he would find every item exactly where he had left them. She hadn't moved a thing. She hadn't needed to, he had been barely moved and with few possessions when he had left and she had moved in, and she had brought with her few possessions herself.

And as far as the backing up the belonging of the presumed deceased spouse went…well, she hadn't even been close to taking such an action, but he didn't know that. And apparently he didn't want to find out.

Hmm, maybe they weren't so different after all. He was clearly avoiding asking some questions he wasn't sure he wanted the answer too, just as she wasn't. Even though in this case the question was a silent one to merely be asked only of a piece of furniture.

Giving up the charade that was probably hopeless anyway, she took pity on him and broke the silence.

"I didn't move anything of yours." She informed him quietly.

He turned as if shocked to remember that he might have an audience for his moment of insecurity. But she saw the relief in his eyes as he nodded, turned back and opened a drawer, and when he found his sleep clothing indeed exactly where he had left them, she saw him exhale in noticeable relief.

Of course she knew he was relieved about a whole lot more than just not having to going hunting for something to wear. If she were in his exact position she would imagine that she would be pleased to return to discover than she had _not_ began to be deleted from the lives of the people she cared about, even if only by the removal of a few meager possessions.

Even with him now aware of her observation of him, she still continued it. She couldn't help it. She saw his moment of indecision, his hand halting briefly at his waist, before he apparently shook off the indecision and proceeded to allow his towel to drop from his hips to the floor.

He then stood there completely naked, his back to her, and Rachel felt her mouth go dry. Oh, but did the sight of even just the back of him in the low light bring back some erotic memories. Of course most of those memories involved his front side, a side she would very much like to get an updated peak at… _more than a peak actually._ But his unadorned backside was still plenty for a _very strong_ spike of lust to travel down her center to her inner most womanly core.

The view did not last near long enough. In an allotment of time, that was unfortunately _not_ more than was decent, she watched him pull on plain white boxers and a blue navy t-shirt.

She saw that the t-shirt was picked up last and with some indecision as well. She imagined that without her presence, _or with her more openly carnal presence_ , the t-shirt would not have joined the limited ensemble.

More would have been the better in Rachel's mind, between her wandering memories of their wedding night and her husband's completely unintentional and too limited strip show…she was feeling _very_ carnal. If he were able to read her mind right now, not a single item would have been put on.

And he was **_her husband_** _…for now at least._ Whatever else might be going on with them, he was her husband now and she wanted him. She had been _so very_ long without him, and he had been so very long without her… _and he was a man!_

Surely this equation equaled one that was easily remedied…

They might well have an emotional mountain to travel over, a journey they were going to egress from goodness know where, but surely that did not mean they needed to remain celibate for as long as the journey took.

Did it? Surely not…

 _Absolutely not_ , a primitive part of her brain provided, a part whose influence was rising with the heightening of her aroused state.

Having very successfully convinced herself that her growing lust could be fed this night, now completely untethered, it grew even further. Rachel was now failing to prevent herself from squirming in place, needing to get some friction to placate her until the friction she truly desired could be acquired.

And it could be acquired, surely… 'It' was standing mere feet away from her…

The thought briefly rose that she was at high risk of committing the same relationship sin as so many before her; using sex to cover their problems. But she squashed the thought before even allowing it to fully form.

She would not admit that any of her current desire was due to the appeal of the very desirable _action of sex_ with her husband taking the place of the much less desirable action of _actually talking_ to him.

Surely that was a ridiculous notion anyway… What was wrong with newly reunited married couple having sex? _Surely_ deliberately abstaining in such a situation would be much _more weird_ …

At least that was what her completely lust clouded brain was insisting to her _very strongly_ at the current moment...

* * *

 **TBC**


End file.
